196 thoughts on “Seven Sure Statements for Steadily Spinning Scandals”

    1. Well, well, well.

      They could simplify that document to one statment:

      “We’re always right and never wrong.”

    2. Yes “Dufus” you are first here but I wonder about Heaven.

      Does anyone ever stop to think if God is pleased with any of this?

      Darrell, Darrell, Darrell, One day you will stand before God and give an account my friend. The names Hyles, Schaap, Jones or Hamblin will not come up just yours and how you used sfl. Wow! 😯

      1. I honestly wonder about the wisdom of responding here, but I can’t not do it.

        While Darrell and the people at SFL are by no means perfect, and while I cannot honestly say that every word ever posted on this site has been upbuilding Phillipians 4 material, I think you are wrong in your assessment.

        Here’s why: When Jesus encounter “staunch men of God” who were “standing for truth,” (AKA Pharisees, look them up) he called them a den of vipers, hypocrites, fools and blind, white-washed sepulchers.

        They were power-hungry, pretentious, legalistic monters, who used religion and the Name of God to beat down their opponents, to control the masses, to heap up praise for themselves, and to amass temporal wealth and power.

        Jesus called them out on it.

        How is Darrell not being Christ-like? After seeing abusive leaders who parade as “men of God,” while instead preying on the weak, hiding their wolfish thirst for power behind the garb of a shepherd, he calls them out for what they are! False shepherds! False teachers! Ravening wolves!

        I cannot hope to change your mind, but consider the words of Jesus to those who used the name of God to control and abuse others. See if the words spoken here are not words that Jesus might have said to these Modern Day Pharisees.

      2. That’s true, Mote and Beam. Perhaps you should focus on getting your own house in order rather than trying to reorganize everyone else’s house.

        1. Did you seriously just say that? Get my house in order before looking at everyone else? That is all this site is about, “Darrell encouraging each of you to poke your finger in the eye of someone you are bitter towards.” Think about where you are and then, for once, think about what you are saying.

        2. Bwahahahahaha! Seriously Jezi, Get my house in order before I comment on everyone else? Do you know where you are writing? This is a website committed to poking your finger in the eye of someone you are bitter towards. God is not pleased with any of this. Are you a member of that church? Is Darrell a member of this church? If not then you have no voice in what goes on there or at any other church. However, Darrell is a stumbling block of offense because he is encouraging you to wallow in your unforgiveness. Should I expect more from someone that chooses the name “Dr. Jezebel.” Be careful Jezi, God may cast you down and you family may only have your palms to bury.

        3. Hey, what about me? Where’s your response to me? Was Jesus a member of the Pharisees? Where did he get off telling them how they should do things? Do you even hear how illogical that is?

          I will concede the point that there may be those on this site who have unforgiveness, but that is beside the point.

          If a site documents wrong-doing, it is stating facts. Stating facts is not poking your finger in anyone’s eye.

          If you don’t want people to talk about what you did, you probably shouldn’t do it.

          But seriously, your logic is exceedingly poor. If you are defending those who practice legalistic abuse, your discernment is just as bad.

        4. Dear Mote & Beam

          I think God is very displeased with John Hamblin’s support of perverts like pastor Greg Neal.

      3. Ironic that you are posting condemning Darrell for commenting on a post that is unscriptural….
        Perhaps you could listen to the name you have given yourself and take out the beam in your own eye.

      4. Mote and Beam, you made an ass out of yourself. The danger is not for SFL or Darrell, it is for you, sir, for it is to you it will be said, “I know him not.” back at ‘cha in Jesus’ name. 🙂

      5. Romans 14:12

        You mean to tell me Schaap won’t give an account of how his ministry was used to lure under-age girls to his office to convince them to have sex with him … while preaching against adultery … ???


        1. (by which I mean, of course, I got a Bingo on the SFL Bingo Board, not that I agree :))

    1. Les Ollila blasts bloggers, like SFL I’m sure, in this interview with Church Phelps. Interesting listening.

      He didn’t mention the world-wide Internet though, which makes me wonder about his credibility since everyone know about the world-wide Internet.

  1. Just for “starters” — “anyone” who has ever “lived” has been severely “criticized”.

    Also, just because something has been “denied” doesn’t meant that it’s “not” true.

    I’d say more but it’s too early for this level of internetz crazy.

        1. Apparently he also has a new 2014 Jeep. Must be nice. My husband works hard and a new car is unthinkable. Perhaps he should get into the religion business.

    1. His colossal Ego requires that he document these Great Moments in Independent Baptist Fundamentalism for posterity.

      1. Exactly right, and its hilarious.

        I’m in my underwear at my computer as I write this on February 3rd, 2014, at 9:33 AM.

      2. It reminds me of those pictures of North Korean dictators surrounded by a gaggle of important-looking officials who are all scribbling away madly on notepads to catch every precious word that falls from the lips of Mr. Kim.

      3. Yup.
        People are interested in where and how Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address, right?
        So how much more will we want a chronicle of every breath taken by the mighty John Hamblin as he pens these deathless classics! 🙄

        1. Reminds me of my old English Grammar book, that Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while riding to Pennsylvania on an envelope (pause to let the mental image sink in). 😀

    2. What Apathetic or Whatever said below: depending on the carrier, this is his blunt way of informing you he was in first class. You know, just like how Jesus traveled.

      1. I am suprised they didn’t put a green tag him and put him in the cargo hold with that swelled head

  2. There’s some things I agree with on that list… I just don’t think they apply in the way he thinks they do at all.

    Like “A headline, documentary, or news report does not mean that what is being covered even remotely resembles the truth.” That’s certainly possible enough. People should definitely do their research and put thought into things rather than just lap up headlines. But it doesn’t mean “the news media is all full of lies about our totally 100% perfect organization over here so you should trust me instead of them at all times”.

    Or “Disobedience to Bible principles will always lead to disloyalty toward those who stand for those same Bible principles” might also have truth to it, but seeing as Hamblin et al. aren’t standing for Bible principles, it doesn’t apply to them.

    But that’s how they work, don’t they? They make statements with that little grain of truth and hope no one realizes it doesn’t mean what they think it means.

    1. Number 7 might be true, too. The funeral director in any town currently has embalming fluid on his shelf that could very well be used in the corpse of any person in that town, even the MOG’s. The fact that it could be used for those who “lift their hand… against God’s faithful” doesn’t imply that causation.

  3. Regarding #3. I don’t think people walked away from Jesus because he preached against rock music and pants on women. People walked away from him because he preached to love your neighbor. No matter who that neighbor was.

    1. Exactly!

      Fundies don’t regard the “straightforward sayings” of Jesus, and they certainly don’t in any way, shape or form model His ministry.

      Very few, no matter what camp, model His ministry or life.

      Hamblin is an arrogant fool! (oops, is there enough embalming fluid?)

    2. He also didn’t speak in straightfoward language. He spoke in confusing parables so the merely curious would fall away and the truly interested would draw closer and question.

        1. And there is a town in Norway called Hell. It *has* been known to freeze over

    3. Fundies love to claim that all these throngs of people were walking away from Jesus due to his hard core beliefs like theirs.

      In reality the primary people are to walk away from Jesus throughout all the Gospels are (1) the rich, merchants/financially successful, (2) the religious leaders/power structure of the time represented by the Pharisees & Saducees, (3) the political/military powers represented by Rome.

      The reality for most people is that they thronged to him, and threatened the political & religious power structures to the point that both were willing to crucify him to stop his growing following.

      1. Exactly right, Rob.
        When He “preached good news to the poor,” it didn’t sound like such good news to most of the rich and powerful people (or, as one of my spiritual mentors calls them, the people who didn’t know they were poor).

  4. Is he truly modeling after Jesus’ ministry? Jesus who loved sinners and condemned religious hypocrites? Jesus who said leaders are to serve? Jesus who said that all the commandments can be summed up in love God and love others? Jesus who was filled with compassion toward people, who met their physical needs not just their spiritual ones?

    Also notice the subtle wording on #5. It doesn’t say disobedience to the Bible but disobedience to Biblical principles. All sorts of man-made standards can be said to be based on Biblical principles; that doesn’t mean that people who don’t interpret those principles the same way as he does are wrong.

    1. It’s not even Biblical principles. It’s Bible principles.

      There’s a subtle but important difference. For example, there’s a Bible principle that one may not weave different kinds of cloth together.

    2. The concept of “Biblical principles” is one of the most insidious heresies of our time. IFB has taken it to one level but Bill Gothard took it to even greater extremes. It’s a theology that is blasphemous at its core because it says that the words of the Scriptures are not good enough. Instead, esoteric “principles” must be extracted from the pages of the Bible and then systems of belief and practice must be derived through a twisted form of deductive reasoning that arrives at such absurd conclusions as the fundy teaching that drinking from a brown glass bottle is a sin because it gives the appearance of evil. What’s really going on, of course, is that you can use the concept of “principles” to make the Scriptures mean anything you want (or to contradict plain meanings that you don’t like).

      1. I totally agree. The amount of heresy taught in most churches is appalling….

  5. Methinks his ignorance bubbleth over. What is nice, is, that Mr. Hamblin is a proper object of scorn and disdain. What he promises for those he does not like, will, alas, be his fate. Unless. Well-earned, sir. Well-earned. ❗

  6. Let me rephrase #6:

    “A church that is reaching its community with the Gospel, willing to discard personal preferences and traditions in order to “become all things to all men”, and training the next generation to be followers of Christ will have all the artillery of Hell turned against it as well as all the ire and vituperation of fundamentalists who care more about their “old-time religion” than they do about actually putting into practice Christ’s words.

    1. all the ire and vituperation of fundamentalists who care more about their “old-time religion” than they do about actually putting into practice Christ’s words = part of the artillery of Hell

  7. Translation:
    1. My detractors prove what a great M-O-g I am.

    2 My detractors use Satan’s internet to attack me.

    3. I am so much like Jesus, because I too take a strong stand on things just like he did.

    4. Headlines, Documentaries and News reports must be filtered through me or a true M-O-g in order for you to know what is Really true.

    5. …Because Bible Principles are only Bible Principles because the M-O-g is there to tell you what Bible Principles are and which ones to actually apply, anything else is disobedience to Those Bible Principles and Disobedience to Bible Principles…

    6. We go soul winning. We go soul winning in order to get decisions and increase our attendance numbers while making two fold more children of hell than ourselves in the process.

    7. I call down death and destruction on all my detractors but do it in a passive aggressive manner in order to avoid the appearance of being a petty, shallow, vindictive putz.

      1. The ends justify the means, and surely one must get decisions by any and all means. Trafficking in a cheap knock-off pseudo gospel, offering false hope, creating false conversion, and promoting man over The Lord Jesus Christ and the Gospel. This sort believes that the Gospel is weak and is not sufficient for the saving of souls, thus requiring the manipulation tactics of the soul winner in order to get a decision for Christ and their victim to pray the so called sinner’s prayer. Leaving in their wake many who will cling to their decision and that prayer… all the way to hell.

        1. Tragically, what some in Fundamentalism have done is performed a rewrite of the heartfelt prayer of the publican in Luke 18:13, and essentially transformed it into a magic incantation.

  8. I’m intrigued by the wording in statement 3: “The lovely Lord Jesus Christ”, somehow that does not come off the right way. Is there something wrong with me that I keep seeing Him getting His (of course long blond) hair combed and dried? 😯 😈 😛

    1. If he met Jesus today (that is, if Jesus looked like he did during his ministry), he’d kick him aside as hippie rabble, and then wipe off the shoe that did the kicking.

  9. Stuff fundy Mogs apparently like: flying first class.
    3C sounds like a first class cabin seat.

    He probably racks up a lot of frequent flyer miles and qualified for an upgrade. Must be nice though.

    1. My thoughts exactly.

      Too bad the guy in seat 3A didn’t write a memoir about how he got witnessed to for 2 hours by the nut next to him.

      1. Pastor Dr. Jeff Fugate was sitting next to him, so only twitter admiration for the venerable evangelist. It’s difficult to twitter a memoir.

        Dr. John N. Hamblin‏@DrJohnNHamblinFeb 2
        8:45a.m. preaching service on “Super Sunday”! Somebody get a casket for…DEAD CHURCH! @drjefffugate pic.twitter.com/CR6CcAUeFz


  10. I’m I the only one who can’t make any sense out of #7?

    It’s hard to argue with #4, but I’d argue that it’s just common sense, not anything “sure.” 🙄

    1. It seems he got distracted by all the dependent clauses in his sentence. The gist of it was clear, but I wasn’t quite following the end of the sentence at first but finally figured it out.

      In other words, the embalming fluid that will fill your worthless body is already waiting on the shelves of the local funeral home, you who dare criticize me.

      1. Again, more Fundy-Speak. Seriously, these people cannot write worth a damn! It’s all so stilted as to be well-nigh incomprehensible!

        Here’s my latest theory on this: Fundies purport to love (without understanding) various old texts such as the King James version, Matthew Henry’s Commentary, Oswald Chambers, etc. But all of these are written in the highly florid, over-wrought, stilted prose of yore that once passed for “great writing.” (Indeed, the King James version itself was famously revised to make sure it sounded majestic while being read aloud.) Fundies are quite impressed by such baroque writing because its incomprehensibility (to them) allows them to make it mean whatever they want it to mean and because it sounds impressive to insiders and outsiders alike. Then they try in various comic ways, including the screed posted above, to imitate it by producing their own highly-convoluted and nonsensical prose in the belief that its very convolutedness is what makes it “good writing.” The result is that bad writing, poorly-understood, is imitated by even worse writing. It’s awful. And you know there are (small) droves of Bible College boys out there scrutinizing the “great writing” of “Dr.” Hamblin and imitating the grammatical and syntactical disasters that comprise it. Perhaps this is a good thing because if this keeps up, soon Fundy-Speak really will be incomprehensible to anyone but an insider. My prediction is that bad English will soon become the Fundy Church Latin.

        1. “My prediction is that bad English will soon become the Fundy Church Latin.”

          A marvellous prediction! And quite likely to be correct, in my view.

      2. Distracted, indeed. It reeks of him being so impressed by his own writing as he wrote it, that he kept tweaking it to make it sound so much more grand and ended up making it nonsensical.

        DS, your thoughts are spot-on. As usual.

    2. All #7 means is that funeral homes “very well may” have embalming fluid on their shelves– a revelation I find less than shocking.

      I think what he’s trying to say is that God will kill you if you say bad things about Fundy preachers, but that’s not what he actually manages to say.

      1. It was once said (supposedly by Stephen King) that JK Rowling never met an adverb that she didn’t like. Well, I’d say the same for “Dr.” Hamblin, but at least JK Rowling knew how to put adverbs in their proper place in the sentence.

  11. #7 is so vindictively passive-aggressive that I’m truly frightened for those Hamblin can actually hurt instead of breathing out threats on a piece of paper.

    Are all Fundy Mogs sociopaths? Are they born that way or does legalism activate that particular social disorder?

    1. The unaccountable, unquestioned authority of the position draws men of that particular character flaw to the ranks of IFB leadership.

    2. It is kind of frightening that a man purporting to represent the loving Lord Jesus would say something like that. Really shows what kind of man he is…

  12. It’s genius. Write things like this and you can’t lose. If people are critical, it just proves you were right. And you’re more godly and more like Jesus because of it.

    What a total scam.

  13. Does anyone know what ‘Dr’ Hamblin is a Dr of? It obviously wasn’t any academic discipline that includes a basic grasp of logical principles or critical awareness.

  14. This is bizarre. Especially the last one. How do a person’s personal ramblings become for for print? When the writer is arrogant.

  15. I agree with #4 but like someone said its just common sense. Everything else requires boots to go through cuz its pure BS 🙄

  16. The hubris (blasphemy) of this a-hole never ceases to amaze me. His #7 is nothing more than a modern re-write of the unpardonable sin. Being as he puts himself into the place of the Holy Spirit, I am content in knowing his fate is sealed.

    “Dr” (snicker-snicker) Hamblin – make sure to say “hello” to Jack Hyles, Jim Jones and all the other self-professed MOGs for me.

  17. He that saith unto the wicked, Thou are righteous; him shall the people curse, nations shall abhor him: Prov 24:24

  18. These guys don’t realize they are the ones accusing the brethren, slandering the Word of God, and making a mockery of those who practice Christlikeness.

    If the artillery of Hell was really pointed at these guys, they would fold up like a 2 dollar suitcase. The only reason their ilk still survives after having abandoned the worship of the one true God for idols is the power of the deceiver. I don’t say that lightly, I recognize how serious that accusation is, its not hyperbole, I really believe that…and if you don’t its because you don’t love God and don’t have the special gnostic revelation he has given me. (ok that last part was just a paraphrase of Hamblin)

  19. Well isn’t seven just lovely?

    I seem to remember something about blessing one’s enemies, being kind to those who hate one and praying for those who hurt you. But that’s probably just one of those modern day perversion things. 🙄

    1. Everyone here is misinterpreting #7. He is saying two things:
      1. He fantasizes about another man “lifting his hand” against him (being man spanked);
      2. He is into necrophilia.

      1. Somehow the second one makes more sense. 😯 👿
        And now I’m going to go lie down in a dark room for the rest of the day…

  20. What kind of man writes something like this, documents what seat he was in, the date he wrote it, and then makes copies and passes it out?

    A Narcissist!

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity (either in fantasy or actual behavior), an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary importance in everybody’s life or to anyone they meet. While this pattern of behavior may be appropriate for a king in 16th Century England, it is generally considered inappropriate for most ordinary people today.

    People with narcissistic personality disorder often display snobbish, disdainful, or patronizing attitudes. For example, an individual with this disorder may complain about a clumsy waiter’s “rudeness” or “stupidity” or conclude a medical evaluation with a condescending evaluation of the physician.

    In laypeople terms, someone with this disorder may be described simply as a “narcissist” or as someone with “narcissism.” Both of these terms generally refer to someone with narcissistic personality disorder.

    Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

    In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
    •Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
    •Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    •Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
    •Requires excessive admiration
    •Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
    •Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
    •Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
    •Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
    •Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes


    1. Agreed! IFB just seems to promote this halfway subtle form of narcissism. It is so sickening to me how he wrote this, and I am sure treats it as canon as he preaches it.

    2. Spot on. It’s amazing how the fundy culture breeds this kind of disorder. And even more so how many people either don’t see it, ignore it, or just simply condone it.

    3. B.R.O, the list of symptoms you posted is fascinating. Looks like you’re onto something with these MoGs. It begs the question as to what came first? Were they already narcissistic before entering the IFB ministry or did they become that way afterward?

  21. Man, if all the artillery of hell is pointed at the American IFB, then what in hell is poited at Christians in the Middle East? Geez. Persecution Syndrome to the n-th degree.

    And as to number 7, just sickening. No don’t try to help those who are lost and you perceive as not saved, no, tell them they are about dead and condemn them to what you believe comes in the afterlife for the unsaved.

    1. “Man, if all the artillery of hell is pointed at the American IFB, then what in hell is poited at Christians in the Middle East? Geez. Persecution Syndrome to the n-th degree.”

      It simply means that Christians all over the world need to thank their lucky stars for the IFB for taking all the satanic weaponry of hell off of them.

      You might consider it a blessed ministry of men like Hamblin who humbly submit themselves sacrificially for the cause of their brethren all over the world who no longer have to suffer any persecution.

      Doctor Pastor Brother Reverend Hamblin I extend to you my heartfelt appreciation and warm admiration. Thank you!

  22. Jesus’ disciples walked away from Him because He said ‘You must eat my flesh and drink my blood’. That’s His strong stand and straightforward saying.

    I would really like to know what the good Doctor has to say about John 6.

    1. elfdream, my fellow hell-bound papist, I had exactly the same thought.

      That is the one place in Scripture where certain disciples literally walked away from Jesus.

      And weirdly enough, He didn’t call after them, “Hey, I was only kidding; it’s just a symbol!”


      1. I’ve always found it amusing that IFBs (who claim to be Biblical literalists) balk at interpreting John 6 literally.

        1. I raised this point once with a fundamentalist type. He made absolutely no response. It was like I said something so shocking he could not even admit he’d heard it.

      2. Dear CGC,

        Can you tolerate a former papist gate crasher?

        While the words of Christ are clearly authoritative, taken in context with other scripture, verses such as John 6:53-58 would seem to be best understood as being metaphorical. In the first place, He said these words prior to the resurrection. It has also been pointed out that John 6:29 states “Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent.” When we further consider John 6:37 as well verses such as Matthew 11:28, Revelation 22:17, Acts 16:31, and John 5:24, it seems clear that God’s offer of free salvation through Christ is received through coming to and believing on His only begotten Son. Partaking of Christ’s redemption appears to be something that is accomplished by faith and not through the physical act of eating or drinking the elements that have been, in some mystical way, transformed into the literal body and blood of Jesus Christ. Even at the last supper, Christ said, “This is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me.” As far as we can tell, no miraculous change took place in either the bread or the “cup.” This was profoundly important symbolism, but we don’t see receiving Communion being commanded as a means of entering into salvation.

    2. Ah, my fellow whores of babylon, good to see you guys out subverting the old time religion. Out of curiosity did y’all get the notes from today’s meeting with Pope Francis? I was supposed to be there, but there was a crisis at the Mark of the Beast R&D, so I couldn’t make it. I’ve been trying to get the local IFB-ers to Mary worship (I even hid a statue of the Blessed Mother behind a MOG. Still didn’t work). As much as I hate to, I think I might have to resort to creating a blog. I hope you chuckled with me at Dr. Hamblin’s #7. His ignorance of Catholicism is appalling. He knows we Catholics are pagans, and he really thinks we’re going to get embalmed? Please… Cremate me like a Viking, I say.

      On a more serious note, in my discussions with fundies, it shocks me how much mental junk has to be cleared before they’ll even consider that Jesus said what he meant and meant what he said. It really breaks my heart for them. Everything they really and truly want is in the Church, but they’ll have none of that.

  23. In statement 7, he mentions “those who violently lift their hand . . . against God’s faithful men.”

    Has Hamblin been physically attacked or is this just hyperbole? (I would usually think it was hyperbole, but people who engage in street preaching — which I don’t know if he does — can be rudely confrontational to strangers passing by and might instigate a fight.)

    1. I don’t know about you, but when I identified as IFB just going out to get dinner I would usually get hit by no less than seventeen people–just while driving to the restaurant. Thanks Obama (and you libruls)!

      I once posed this exact question to my cousin (at PCC) during a discussion of how she had never been physically attacked for her beliefs, but “it could happen” couldn’t it?

    2. Looks like Hamblin’s trying to pull the “Touch Not Mine Anointed” card. That and #7 is just, wow — especially considering when similar statements were made by the likes of Benny Hinn and Paul Crouch; I would imagine the Hamblin types would have been ripping them a new one.

  24. No. 1 is not necessarily true, especially as concerns great persons from the pages of Scripture.

    1. #1 hit me too. Honestly, as someone else said, with the mix of good and bad in this world, you will always find someone to criticize you, whether you do good or evil. And also someone to admire you.

      My thought had to do with how did those great people respond to the criticism? Speaking generally, I believe that the “good guys” gave careful consideration to whether the criticism was true rather than dismissing it out of hand. If it was true, then they would try to fix the problem. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Pro. 27:6 The “bad guys”, on the other hand, tended to either take the criticism as praise or dismiss it as ridiculous, because they’re perfect.

      I’m starting to think these guys take Proverbs as a challenge, when they actually bother to consider it. “This is how the world runs, therefore, we must do and believe the opposite!” :mrgreen: 🙄

  25. He says his statements are “sure” which he defines as “firmly believing.” I’d like to know what exactly it is that his seven statements firmly believe in.

  26. Is alliteration so important that you do it even when you have to redefine all the words you used? I guess so.

    1. I don’t really know if you can call it alliteration when it freely mixes alveolar with palato-alveolar sibilants. But why quibble over such a fine point when the MOG hath spoken!!

  27. BTW Hamblin, one of the signs of the last days in scripture is not “false accusers” but “false prophets” who will be messianic and will claim to be from God while preaching a gospel other than that which was received from the Apostles.

    Dr. John Hamblin is one of these.

    1. Nice catch! Textbook use of perverting original statements to fit what one wants to say.

    2. Excellent point. Seems like someone is feeling the heat and re-writing the Bible to say what he wishes it said.

    3. I was going to ask where the heck in the Bible does it say a sign of the last days was internet usage. Really?

      1. In my 1611 KJV-av, its rightafter where itsays women cannot wear pants, all rock music is the same and is all bad, and everyhing the pope er… I mean MOg says is infallible– like this list.

      1. It looks like hell borrowed the Pope’s artillery since “ALL” of it is pointed at Hamblin and associates.

    1. I may never MARCH in the infantry
      RIDE in the Calvary [sic]
      SHOOT the artillery!
      I may never FLYYYYYY ‘er the enemy,
      But I’m in the Lord’s Army! YES SIR!

      1. George ate my “O.” I swear I really did type it. This is weird. I feel like I fell down a rabbit hole sponsored by Cheerios.

      2. Brings back memories of my old Fundy High principal/pastor, and how he acted out all the actions; yes it is a sin to giggle at his baby-fat jiggling as he bounces around the stag-er altar.

  28. Time for a fundy syllogism!!

    (1) “World-wide Internet” gets 176,000 hits on Google.

    (2) “World Wide Web” gets 21,200,000 hits on Google.

    (3) “Internet” gets 1,380,000,000 hits on Google.

    (4) We are commanded to be in the world and not of the world and to come out from among them and be separate and to be a peculiar people.

    (5) Stop to catch your breath. (This is a necessary element of any fundy syllogism.)

    (6) We can see that THE WORLD prefers to call its godless system (which is really the Mark of the Beast!) either the Internet or the World Wide Web.

    (7) “World-wide Internet,” on the other hand, is used much less frequently by THE WORLD.

    (8) Other false religions such as Methodists call it the Internet.

    (9) Thus, CHRISTIANS should call it the “world-wide Internet.”


  29. #5. Right. I rather direct my loyalty to God, not some person who thinks they are following “Bible” principles. People are fallable and I can read English (even the 17th century kind) 😀

  30. Name the fallacy:

    Jesus said anyone who preaches the truth will be attacked.
    I am being attacked.
    Therefore, I am preaching the truth.

    1. This is typically the first fallacy presented in an Intro to Logic class. A classic form of it is:
      All men are mortal.
      Rin Tin Tin is mortal.
      Therefore, Rin Tin Tin is a man.

      The facts are true in statements #1 and #2. The conclusion, however …

      1. Rin Tin Tin is an example of the habits a good man should emulate: to be faithful, courageous, trusting to what is right, and always turn around 3 times before lying down. 😀

      1. Lol. No its not. Excluded middle is a false binary. This fallacy is called “affirming the consequent”. It is a logical fallacy in which a class is said to exhibit certain characteristics. A random var also exhibits said characteristic and is falsely assumed to assumed to be part of the class.

    2. This may be a problem of assuming that a statement and its converse are logically equivalent. For example, while we might safely assume that a “greatly used person” will be criticized, it does not follow that someone who is being criticized must therefore be “a greatly used person.”

        1. Cap,

          Possibly that would be a question better posed to a fundy preacher since they seem to have a talent for locating things in the text that are not apparent to the rest of us.

          Fact is I love the KJV, but I’m not a fan of what a lot of these guys do with it when they get hold of it.

        2. The Van Gogh fallacy is another term for this.

          Van Gogh’s art was unappreciated in his lifetime.

          After his death he was recognised as a great artist.

          My art/achievements are unappreciated.

          Therefore I am really a great artist that no-one recognises.

          This fallacy conveniently ignores all those artists who did achieve recognition in their lifetime..

        3. Jo A, it also ignores all the artists who are rightfully unappreciated because their art isn’t good.

        4. Big Gary & Jo A,

          Absolutely, just because people don’t like your work doesn’t mean it’s any good.

  31. Name the fallacy

    Jesus said anyone who preaches the truth will be attacked.
    I am being attacked.
    Therefore, I am preaching the truth.

  32. He really communicates how he feels. You can tell that he believes this in every bone in his head.

  33. I am curious to know the provenance of this particular document. Was it handed out at a Bible college or something? (Perhaps at West Coast with its recent Jeremy Whitman scandal?)

  34. Thanks, Bro. Hamblin, for defining the word “sure.” But now I’m confused. If I insert your definition into the title of your profound meditations, I get this: Seven “Firmly Believing” Statements! I was unaware that statements have the capacity to believe themselves, and I’m getting dizzy trying to make sense of it. Can you clarify?

    Oh, and have no fear of my demise. That No. 7 of yours scared the shit out of me! I was so scared that I broke into the Smith & Sons Funeral Home and busted all of their jars of embalming fluid. Now I’ll live forever! Hahahahah!

    1. It’s good to hear that you broke into Smith & Sons Funeral Home instead of Smith & Wesson’s Funeral Home. You might not have made it out of the second place alive.

  35. Its always convenient to use being criticized as proof of one being right. The problem is fundies see this only working in their favor. Why cannot those who are the object of the fundies’ criticism be right because they are being criticized?

    There really is criticism that is rightly due and rightly given that does not confirm the rightness of that which is criticized.

    The Pharisees were just as blind to the presence of God Almighty walking among them and upset with the criticism God offered of their hollow, rotting religion as Mr. Hamblin here. And therein lies the problem, just like the Pharisees, Mr. Hamblin cannot recognize the Word of God. He has made the word of God over in his own image.

  36. Pretty sure I have this flyer still hidden away somewhere. It’s too gloriously stupid to throw away. I remember getting it and staring at it incredulously because it was so awful.

    FYI, this was written right after this came out:

    The tape/proof was not exactly cut-and-dry. The response by staff and “preachers” like this was downright nauseating, and three years later I still want to puke.

  37. ::Sigh:: Apparently I missed something big. Was there a link or something that I can’t find? I’m seeing Hamblin a lot – what’s going on?

    1. I can just imagine other Fundies requesting seat 3C on that flight so they can sit in the very seat Johnny sat in! O the orgasmic glee knowing your butt is in the very same seat!

    2. scratching and sniffing the seat of greatness has always been a favorite fundy pastime of mine.

      Hamblin’s favorite pose looks like he is straining to drop a growler however, so this one could be dangerous

  38. Some comments from the Peanut Gallery:

    Regarding point 5, it’s very possible that the Pharisees thought they were teaching biblical principles when they added tradition and onerous commandments to scripture. Second, those “Bible principles” far too infrequently include feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting those who are sick or in prison, or loving one’s enemies.

    With respect to point 7, it’s almost possible to get the impression that Mr. Hamblin would see any rebuke, well intentioned or otherwise, as a personal attack.

    The Berean Christians were commended for searching the scriptures in order to determine for themselves the trustworthiness of Paul’s teachings. We also have the account of Paul rebuking Peter “to his face” for the latter’s false teaching and hypocrisy when it came to the question of whether or not the Gentiles needed to live as the Jews. For that matter, even Abraham was rebuked, by Pharaoh no less, for giving a misleading account of his relationship with Sarai.

    Finally, others have already mentioned that Mr. Hamblin’s seat number (unless he was flying Southwestern) could indicate he was flying First Class. That, coupled with the fact that he refers to himself as “Dr.” John N. Hamblin, could bring to mind Christ’s teachings that we were not to imitate those who love the “chief seats in the synagogues” and to be called Rabbi.

    Finally, humility and loving our neighbors as ourselves are things we all need to practice– even Mr. Hamblin.

  39. Mr.Hamblin is technically correct that they are sure points. I rolled my eyes and said suuure at every point.

  40. I always love the ‘under threat of death’ conclusion to these unibomber manifestos John and his ilk like to produce.

    But everyone dies, and when we die isn’t in our hands or in some crazy fundamentalist’s hands either.

    These guys would have been a riot in the 16th century.

  41. If criticism of a man of God equals certain death, and many people on this site have criticized John. Hamblin but didn’t meet immediate doom, then either.

    1. The statement isn’t true.
    2. John Hamblin isn’t a man of God.
    3. Both.

  42. There are seven sacraments of the Catholic Church (Baptism; Penance/Reconciliation; Eucharist; Confirmation; Matrimony; Holy Orders; and Extreme Unction.)

    Dr. Hamblin has given us “Seven ‘Sure’ Statements!”

    Is there some significance? I keep pondering the comparison between the 7 sacraments and these 7 words of hatred written by a deluded man.

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