Books Hubris November 13, 2013 Darrell 128 Comments Well, I know what all of Hamblin’s friends and acquaintances are getting for Christmas this year…
128 thoughts on “Hubris”
The last shall be first? Then I’m last! Yeeeeaah!
May every blessing fall squarely upon your head!
There’s a fart joke to be made here, I’m sure of it.
Ok, I’ll do it–Thunder, Under wear?
Seriously, in both pictures this clown looks like he’s about to break wind. Between the photos and the title…..
Batman and Hamblin in the baTernacle,
Hamblin done a fart and paralysed his cackle,
His gaggle couldn’t take it,
The tent blew apart,
All because of Hamblin and his supersonic fart.
The world’s largest Dutch oven?
This was truly my first thought. My husband occasionally has some pretty impressive “thunder” going on.
😆 This gift is made possible by virtue of being the largest bag of hot air. Beware the Thunda from Down Unda.
Does he always refer to himself as Dr. Hamlin? That’s a big red flag to me when a man refers to himself as Dr. or Pastor So and So.
He does. He calls his wife “The First Lady of Evangelism” which (of course) has pretty obvious implications to where he stands in the pecking order: https://twitter.com/DrJohnNHamblin/status/348097194953416705
Hmmm. I could call my wife “The First Lady of Confused Bumbling,”* but I don’t think she’d appreciate it.
At least I know that if you write “first” as “1st,” there isn’t supposed to be a period after “1st” unless it’s the last word in a sentence.
*Purely due to her association with me
On that premise, MY wife could be “First Lady of Confusion”… (says more about me than her)
So, not only does he put himself on a pedestal he puts his wife on one too. He’s a mirror image of Matthew 23.
One thing you won’t find much of under that tent is humility.
“Humility under the Tent” just dosn’t sell to his target audiance
Here’s another example of the man’s humility and meekness:
My guess, is that someone else tweeted this for him. Perhaps his wife? All too often, the wives of big name (or so they think) evangelists and pastors only refer to them by their self-accrued title. So, this was likely tweeted by his wife or his underpaid secretary. 😐
So his wife calls HERSELF “the First Lady of Evangelism”?
I’m trying to figure out how that makes it better.
Too much thunder, not enough rain.
Kudos on a perfect allusion.
All hat no cattle. 🙂
Big Gary does not usually refer to himself in the third person. Doing so seems odd to Big Gary. Big Gary thinks maybe “Dr. Hamblin” is tacitly admitting that the John Hamblin character he depicts in his writing is fictional.
Anyone else have the lines from The Jimmy episode running through their mind?
Elaine doesn’t care for third person references!
According to this site , http://www.bereanpublications.com/books/ThunderUnderTheTent.html, this gentleman is a “old-fashioned, leather-lunged, independent, fundamental, KJV, sin-exposing, Devil-fighting, God-loving, evil-hating Baptist Preacher”.
After reading the descriptive content of the book, I felt like I had experienced an intro for a boxer before a boxing match. How about talking about the content of the messages rather than the man? Of course, you can’t ask for anything more in a man centered realm. I hope one day IFB will shed off these man centered habits. 😥
I’m turning on the Fundy-to-English translation machine:
Fundy: “old-fashioned, leather-lunged, independent, fundamental, KJV, sin-exposing, Devil-fighting, God-loving, evil-hating Baptist Preacher”
English: yells a lot
Fundy: “Dr. Hamblin walks in the Old Paths, preaches the Old Book, and sees God work in Old-Time Power.”
English: “Dr.” Hamblin hasn’t read any books since Bible College.
Fundy: “He is eminently well-qualified to be a spokesman for the Old-Time Religion.”
English: He’s a legend in his own mind.
Fundy: “”While hurricane force storms rage across the landscape leaving destruction in their wake, the ‘Hamblin Hurricane’ (Dr. John N. Hamblin) embraces the pulpit with rolling thunder and lightning flashing.” –“Dr.” Shelton Smith
English: Hamblin yells a lot.
Fundy: “As the preacher opens the Bible to preach, the heavenly winds tear through the church establishing moral and spiritual order bringing hope and giving help to the broken, the bound, and the eternally bankrupt soul.” –“Dr.” Shelton Smith
English: The preacher is God. Only the preacher can save your soul.
“English: “Dr.” Hamblin hasn’t read any books since Bible College.”
Yes he has, it’s called Thunder Under the Tent
I think if we sold your Fundy-to-English Translator along with my Hyles-Calibrated Calculator (which shows, among other things, how an auditorium that seats 5,000 allegedly holds 40,000 on a Sunday morning) we’d really have something.
It’s a deal, provided your calculator can also unpack Fundy math, to show, for example, what “over a million souls won” means in non-Fundy numeration.
I had to read that a few times – couldn’t figure out what a “leather lunge” was.
I’m afraid to google THAT from work…..
I took the plunge to Google “leather lunge.”
Apparently, a leather lunge is a piece of horse tack like this (warning: disappointingly safe for work):
So, a rantin’ ravin’ pig-ignorant loudmouthed bullying jerk, then.
What is this obsession with being able to shout a lot? It reminds me of that bit in Shakespeare–“A tale told by an idiot/Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”
Well, I know what all of Hamblin’s friends and acquaintances are getting for Christmas this year…
Hmm, at least there’s no thunder under the covers like some IFB…
Angry clowns + captive audience = confusion and mass exodus.
If he’s thunder, who is the lightning? Because in my experience, it is certainly not God.
Me thinks he should change the title so that he is both the thunder and the lightning–the all powerful mog.
Rain gives life, and lightning lights fires, but thunder is only noise.
So the book is well-named.
Rain makes corn, corn makes whiskey … rain is a good thing.
In real life I prefer rain making grapes, grapes making wine, but that’s not how the song goes.
Wouldn’t want to be under the big tent when the lightening strikes 😯
Especially with all the methane, er, thunder inside.
I took it upon myself to write a suggested blurb for the jacket of the good doctor’s book:
Step right in folks! See Me Me the clown doctor perform his galactically famous act under the big top!
Also performing will be Shelton and his amazing sword, Tony “the Beast” Hutson will lift massive amounts of weight just by standing up and finally an ensemble act will saw a sinner in half. The sinner will be chosen at random from the crowd!
You don’t want to miss the excitement!
We would like it to be known the exhibits that were shown
were exclusively our own,
All our own. All our own.
Come and see the show! Come and see the show! Come and see the show!
See the show!
Tickets and tithes at the window, keep the line moving.
And of course, Harry the Horse dances the waltz.
My first thought was the title sounds like some naughty Harlequin Romance.
If his new book is anything like typical fundamentalist books, it’s probably filled with lots of unsupported ranting and raving, 3rd grade level grammar and sentence variety, a gushing dedication to some other “great man of God” and will only be read by people who relish buzz words like “thunder, lightning, power, and amen.” 🙂
Only 2 days! I better start standing in line somewhere in a black suit and tie (with a tie clip, of course).
Those suckers are sure to go fast.
The tie clip is passé. Today’s stylish Fundy wears a 4-point pocket hanky.
Love the title of the post, Darrall. Says it all in one word.
Bold prediction: This book will have a whole lot of Hamblin and not much Jesus.
How does one become leather-lunged? *gasp* smoking?
One of my brothers had a friend who was so loud we called him Leather-Lungs. Sometimes it’s just something you’re born with. 🙂
They forgot to add gravel-voiced, polyp-throated.
he chain-smoked before he was saved, and got rusty lungs
Well!! I guess we don’t need to call Freud to help us interpret the obvious nature of the book title now do we? 😀 😀
You’re right–the phallic identification of a rigid tent pole is too obvious to mistake. Like a polished arrow.
I wonder if this book will include sparkling nuggets like this one, from a sermon of the good Doc entitled “Three Pieces of Property I’m Not Willing To Put A For Sale Sign On”:
“You’d better not mess with this bible. It’d be better if you messed with forked lightning than to mess with this bible. Because if you mess with this King James bible–I didn’t stutter, I didn’t stammer–I said this King James Bible. You MESS with this King James bible, God will monkey with your brains and it will be manifested in your behavior.”
I do believe, dear friends and neighbors, that God has indeed monkeyed with my brains. That explains so much about me that has hitherto been unfathomable.
In his “Cutting off the word of God” performance he mentions how his old King James Bible points out it was a dove that descended at Jesus’ baptism. I quickly looked up Mark 1:6 in my NASB. I guess the satanists missed that one because it said dove as well. In fact, I’m pretty sure all you heathern Bibles say dove.
I believe God has monkeyed with HIS brains. That would explain a lot. They mess with the KJV a lot to make it say what they want it to.
Not even God can monkey with something that doesn’t exist
Hard to hear a still, small voice over all that thunder.
Darrell once mentioned that Hamblin looks rather constipated. In the picture on the book’s cover, he does look like he’s having a problem with a BM. And that brings an entirely new meaning to the book’s title.
I work in the medical field, and talk of body elimination is mundane. I hope this isn’t offensive to anyone.
Hamblin always looks like he’s got some sort of X-games look on his face, like fundamentalism is the hardcore x-games of Christianity, or something.
Paisley, I agree wholeheartedly. Note his stance: leaned forward, strained, slightly confused facial expression. Dr. H looks just like a clogged up bulldog trying hard to push one out.
naah… he’s uglier than that
Please don’t insult bulldogs like that.
my brain combined the two hashtags into #oldyeller
Mr. Hamblin looks angry. I wonder what he is upset about?
Can someone here offer some sincere consolations? Someone? Anyone?
Perhaps Doctor Paisley is correct in the constipation assessment, but there simply has to be more to the turmoil displayed in the man’s countenance. I just can’t quite put my finger on it.
Well, when one is a tremendous-Man-o-God, a stand-in-the-gap protector of Old-Time Religion, an inveterate peddler of hyphenated superlatives, there is a crap-load of things to be pissed-off about.
What IFB camp is this guy from, Hyles?
Sword of the Lord. Not sure where or if he went to school. His mentor, Tom Malone, is a product of Bob Jones, I believe. Some kind reader with more expertise in tracing out the Trail of Blood may have more info.
Hey now, I am a product of Bob jones. Malone may have attended there but he is a product of clinical narcissism.
Alexander the Coppersmith,
Hey, an honorary doctorate! Thanks so much! I knew they were easy to get, but I didn’t know that they were as easy as one simple comment on SFL!
Dr. Paisley 😀
Her is all the doctorate you will ever need:
Two in one day! I am one lucky g̶i̶r̶l̶ doctor!
Weeeelllll, that strikethrough generator didn’t work out quite like I hoped. 😳 I’d better give one of my doctorates back.
Honorary nothin’! You earned it. Of course, women-folk doctors in fundystan are frowned upon.
Wait…it just occurred to me that every single female doctor in fundy-land earned their doctorates. All the honorary “doctors” are over-bearing, elitist, imperial, authoritarian, domineering, lording-over dudes!
Seriously, does anyone under the sound of my..uh..typing (or is that key-boarding?) know of a woman in the fundy world with an honorary doctorate? Now, with your heads bowed and your eyes closed, let’s see a raising of hands of those who know such a fictional character (NO LOOKING AROUND!)
Dr. Gail Riplinger
EventQuip helps us survive such thunderous events as displayed by Mr. Hamblin:
“WHEN YOU HAVE A LIGHTNING STORM IN THE VICINITY, THE BEST COURSE OF ACTION IS TO EVACUATE THE TENT, WITH THE SAFEST PLACE BEING AN ENCLOSED BUILDING.”
I wonder if that “enclosed building” should exclude the sacred variety?
Brilliant hover text, Darrell.
Room gets suddenly still
And when you’d almost bet
You could hear yourself sweat, he walks in
Eyes black as coal
And when he lifts his face
Ev’ry ear in the place is on him
Starting soft and slow
Like a small earthquake
And when he lets go,
Half the valley shakes
– Neil diamond
Dr. Hamblin’s Traveling Salvation Show.
Protect your babies and save the old ladies and nobody goes, ’cause everyone knows, the Dr’s colon’ll blow.
Bard Don, you have a gift. 😆
When I read “till the release…”, my thought was tilling it under is probably the best idea yet for this book. That is how it’s likely contents are usually used.
To make the book accessible to most fundies, the text is in a large font and written at the fifth grade level. Also wide margins for doodling.
“And I guess that’s why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that’s why they call it the blues”
~Sir Elton John
The tie clip these days is a lapel Mic (unless you are a diehard Hyles fan…he and his clones insist on using handheld mics, because lapel mics are “sissified”).
I don’t see the attraction of “tent” meetings — it’s very humid in the midwest; it’s very hot in the south. Does suffering for no sensible reason endear us to God?? Isn’t that an (evil) Catholic doctrine?
Or did I miss the point and he preaches in a tent because no church will have him?
He preaches in a tent because that’s where clowns traditionally perform.
Some fundies will claim since the Apostle Paul was a tent maker, Paul might had held a few tent revivals.
…full of sound and nothing, signifying fury.
While in fundydom, I had many opportunities to hear bombastic blowhards like this guy. It’s an easy thing to sound all tough and unrelenting when your bloated oratory is dispensed to like-minded blowhards. In a real fight with real men, I have credible doubts many of these self-proclaimed warriors would be able to stand. Stuff like this works in the fictional world of the religio-corporate entity that some call a church, but the reality check comes in the mail the minute they step out into the real world. Yes, I’ve met some sincere people laboring in the Lord’s vineyard, but so much of what SFL lampoons is right on!
I love Dr. Hamblin, he is a great man. I have spent several hours with him out of the pulpit, very humble and soft spoken, always looking for ways to be a blessing.
So what you’re saying is that when he’s not screaming from the pulpit, posing for pictures, or promoting books about himself he’s a really sweet and humble guy?
Yeah, ok. Sure.
If the “spotlight” changes your entire personality that much, you should seek help. 🙂
Tim, I know others who know him and have spent several hours with him and say the exact opposite.
So being an egomaniacal, nasty blowhard is just an act?
What does it say about a person that they would choose to act that way?
Nice guys don’t market themselves with a fake doctorate.
Good thing the bible doesn’t say anything about bearing false witness. Oh, wait… 🙄
Tim – Just wondering if you have ever spent time with him in the pulpit?
Tim, I recommend you visit Planet Earth some time
Without disputing your perception, his theology is terrible. I hear Jim Jones was a super guy but it doesn’t mean I should agree with anything he says.
Precisely! Whether he’s a nice guy or not is irrelevant. (I do know which way I’d vote though…)
Some of the nicest people I’ve ever meet are Mormons. Their niceness doesn’t change the fact that they are heretics.
Someone on this board (Can’t remember who) a while back put it succinctly, “Preach Christ or sit down!”
Should be called Turd Under the Tent. This guy is friends with racist, Philly the Kidd, felon, Guy Beaumont, ie. The Real Baptist and adulterer, pastor marty. What a loser.
thunder under the tent?…where is the popcorn?
Under the tent with the rest of the clowns…
The Thunder From Down Under is a male dance troup.(male strippers) Maybe he was thinking about that.
The “Fundy Pastor” Racket isn’t making Hamblin enough money so a few months ago he tried to get a part-time job as a member of the Chippendales. He failed the audition. They said he was too bald.
“Step right up!
Come on , Come all
See the Greatest show on earth as this preacher pontificates and bloviates from behind a gen-u-ine Bullshittem pulpit right here in the center ring.
it throws out its belly like a whale.
Yes-sir-ee folks you will never be the same!
This is you once in a lifetime chance to own your very own copy of the story of one of the greatest preachers, in his own mind, who has ever graced the pulpit with his thunderous presence.
Why, you’ve never experienced preaching until you’ve sat under the sound of his voice.
His manipulation techniques are second to none. He can fill and altar and get decisions! There is none like unto him… just ask him.
Step Right up, see the greatest performance under any tent, on any stage, in any church! That’s right folks for a generous “Love Offering” of only… not $10, not $20, not $30 but $50 dollars you too can experience the trill a minute of the good Doctor’s presence and preaching. (no personal checks accepted, cash and debit transactions only.)
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!”
This book reminds me of a statement an old friend had been know to utter. If he got it from somewhere else, I have been unable to find the source.
“Beware thieves, charlatans, and purveyors of snake oil.”
Almost sounds like something out of Elmer Gantry.
Random funny factoid that is oddly relevant to the topic: The original snake oil actually worked; it was a Chinese medicine made from a type of snake fat that was very high in something that is good for the joints, and it was sold as a joint rub. It was a product of the Chinese medical establishment, which has produced some wrong-headed notions and quite a few things that help.
The stuff that hucksters peddled out of the backs of wagons all over the West was made up of any old crap–some of it inert, some intoxicating, some actually harmful–and sold as a cure for absolutely everything by people who cared only about profit to people who didn’t have a grounding in the traditions that would have enabled them to spot the scam.
Abrose Bierce wrote a darkly hilarious short story, “Oil of Dog,” about this kind of thing.
You can read it for free here:
I like reading the posts on here every day and seeing the same people comment many times throughout the day it makes me laugh great website but who really has the time to comment dozens of times a day
You all don’t know what your talking about. The govament is coming down upon us all and John Hamblein is a voice of reason in this moraly bankruptured country. When the US launches the HARP satelights and starts controlling the weather, you will all be running to the real thunder under the tent to hear the truth (John Hamblen).
If I remember correctly, Elijah did not find God in the thunder, or in the earthquake, or in the mighty wind.
He found God in the still small voice, in the quiet.
All thunder under the tent will do is deafen you, scare you and hurt you. But you won’t find the power of God in it.
After all, “the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.”
Its sounds like he’s about to pass gas