Preachers Fundies! September 6, 2011 Darrell 75 Comments I don’t usually go in for vulgarity on SFL but this was what popped into my head when I saw the picture and I couldn’t resist.
75 thoughts on “Fundies!”
So who are they?
mouse over the picture. 🙂
(and we’ll be hearing more about these guys this week.)
Rock. The combination of glares and grins (L-R: glare, grin, a little of both) definitely piqued my curiosity.
Hover text is just a photo tag basically:
“From the left: Lawrence Mendez, Lonnie Moore and John Hamblin”
Oops. wrong reply spot. I think they’ll figure it out.
Can’t. I’m on my iPad 95% of the time. (sigh) I guess I can go upstairs to the desk top. 🙂 I’ll wait and be surprised later this week!
For those of us who don’t have immediate access to a computer, what does it say?
Anyone else read the middle one as “Loonie Moore”?
This demands a complete adaptation of the Team America: World Police song.
Not the best work, but a start:
The Fundies, F*@$ YEAH!
Soulwinning again, to save the motherf*@$ing day yeah,
The Fundies, F*@$ YEAH!
Freedom is the way to hell yeah,
Compromisers, your game is through, ’cause now you have to separate too!
The Fundies, F*@$ YEAH!
So lick the MOG’s butt, and read the KJV,
The Fundies, F*@$ YEAH!
What you going to do when we come for you now,
it’s the dream that we all share; it’s the hope for 1950!
Sung, of course, in funeral-dirge-like, no-backbeat fashion.
“it’s the hope for 1950!”
I am dying, here. 😆
This was far easier than it should have been. The original song for reference. WEAKER BROTHER WARNING: Lots of strong language. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcmuPc8_SWQ
And the “Fundies: F@#! Yeah!” lyrics:
Fundamentalists (F— yeah!)
Thumpin’ AVs to save the motherf—in’ day, yeah!
Fundamentalists (F— yeah!)
Separation is the only way, yeah!
Compromisers, your game is through
‘cause now you have to answer to
Fundamentalists (F— yeah!)
So put on a tie and sign my Bible
Fundamentalists (F— yeah!)
We’re not Protestants, ‘cause Jack Chick said so
It’s all there on our own flag
The book, the blood, the blessed hope
Immersion! (F— yeah!)
King James! (F— yeah!)
Culottes! (F— yeah!)
Prophecy! (F— yeah!)
Conferences! (F— yeah!)
Haircuts! (F— yeah!)
Ankle-length! (F— yeah!)
Courtship! (F— yeah!)
Chick Tracts! (F— yeah!)
Trail of Blood! (F— yeah!)
Scofield! (F— yeah!)
Dispensations! (F— yeah!)
Neckties! (F— yeah!)
Missions boards! (F— yeah!)
Hair gel! (F— yeah!)
Altar calls! (F— yeah!)
Bonnet fiction! (F— yeah!)
Single lady missionaries! (F— yeah!)
Standards! (F— yeah!)
Separation! (F— yeah!)
Hellfire! (F— yeah!)
Nitpicking! (F— yeah!)
Brimstone! (F— yeah!)
Baptistries! (F— yeah!)
Judgment! (F— yeah!)
Organ solos! (F— yeah!)
Great White Throne! (F— yeah!)
No rock music! (F— yeah!)
Managawd! (F— yeah!)
Bible-centered preachin’ from this ol’ King James Bible! (F— yeah! F— yeah!)
@JMP. Wow! That was amazing in many ways. 🙂
Say “HAAAAYMEN!” instead of “F- Yeah” and I think it’s just about perfect. Not because I’m a weaker brother, but just because it fits better.
Thanks for the context. I vaguely recall Trey & whatshisname coming out w/ that, but never would’ve recalled it, or known what this was about without a link.
The guy on the left has an offer you can’t refuse. 😉
Picture him coming to your door in a raspy, Don Corleone voice: “Tithe? Where’s your tithe?”
LOL. That’s too funny. I think he could break someone’s legs?? “Hey, you lookin’ at me” ❓
Well let me tell you something, my Kraut Mick friend! I’m gonna make so much trouble for you, you won’t know what hit you!
Aww, you BEAT me to it! 😉 I was going to say that the guy on the left is a converted mob boss, but perhaps not TOO converted. OTOH, the mob boss mentality works so well for fundies…
He’s actually a converted gang member. He and his brother still have a little gangsta in them.
Poor fundies. They look so ronery.
LOL. That’s full of win.
I have been out of Fundyland for awhile, but i still have a fondness in my heart for John Hamblin. He’s been a family friend since before I was born and he was always such a nice man.
I’ve known Mendez for a decade or so. He’s … different. I like how his wife isn’t afraid to say amen in church.
But isn’t it pathetic that some wives are? Not a great deal to praise a man for, it it?
They just look so… true to type. 🙄
I don’t think I know any of them, but I have heard two of the names (Lonnie Moore and John Hamblin). I though I’ve heard good things about Mr Hamblin.
I literally choked on my drink. Really. Funny.
I’ve been out too long. I’ve never heard of any of them.
Wow, all three of three kinds of people in the world are in that pic.
What are the three types? I’ve got scary, friendly, and confusing or intense, open, and mixed.
Larry, Moe and Curly??? 😯
That’s an insult to the Three Stooges, Don. 😉
The only stooge fundies should ever be compared to is: Joe. They’re so obsessed with their own “dignity & self image”, they’re destroying their own house to maintain it.
I couldn’t help the Larry (Lawrence) Mo (Moore) and Curly (the bald guy) crack. I do see the great disservice I have done to these three great men. I sincerely apologize for comparing in anyway, shape or form these three great men, who have done so much for all the lives they have touched with their ministry to that of mere buffoons. I did not mean to compare them to, or sully their reputations by, comparing them to Lawrence, Lonnie and John. I sincerely apologize to any I may have offended. I hope I have not brought shame upon Larry, Moe and Curly’s Ministry of Laughter. 😀
nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Perhaps more like Curly Joe, Mousie Garner, and Frank Mitchell.
I feel a bit better now, as my reaction to Grice’s “logic” in *Whining About “Wine”* was “Holy Skubala!”, although not in Greek.
oh so ronery, so very ronery, so very rone
I remember Hamblin from a couple of Sword conferences at my college. Don’t recognize the other two.
Yall need a site map! I am trying to find the bulletin board, where somebody linked my blog about Bob Jones IV. I think once I click out, can’t get back unless I log in. (I found it through my tracking info; nice website, folks!)
Just wanted to tell em: BJ4 was busted about 1999-2000 or so. Heard it on local (SC) radio and saw a one-line account in the Greenville News, and then it was promptly dropped down the memory hole. The information is so thoroughly hidden now, when I wrote that post (2007), a local reporter emailed ME to ask where I had heard it!
Anyway, when little brother took over, I assumed that was the reason. 😈
Yall take care, I’ll be back. Love the graphics and the T-shirts. Living in Bob Jones land will do it to you!
Scroll to the top of this page and click on “forum”.
Then click on “Fundy News and World Report”. There you will find the post you are searching for.
Re: all those Godfather jokes upthread. Well, you shoulda heard the jokes around here about Bob Jones IV.
Fredo: I’m your older brother, Mike, and I was STEPPED OVER!
The guy on the left has a 4 button suit. I want it. It’s very unfashionable, but that’s me. A blue one, European cut will do thanks.
Yes, but can you carry off that Corleone look? That sneering smirk? It all goes together. And blue sounds mighty friendly, to me. Very un-fundy/un-gangsta.
I guess Mr. Mendez always looks like he takes himself too seriously: http://www.opendoorbaptistchurchdetroit.com/pastor.htm
To be fair, maybe he’s just got bad teeth, and maybe his eyes are just sensitive to the light. It could happen! 😐
Or, maybe he really does keep lengths of chain and cement blocks in the trunk of his car. Which he parks. At the docks. 😕
I guess Mr. Mendez has to always take himself seriously, because nobody outside of Fundystan does….
“I don’t usually go in for vulgarity on SFL…”
Uh-oh… Does that mean I’m in trouble?
*sits looking scolded*
But some of us *love* it! Please sit looking appreciated.
@Daisy – How can I find your blog on BJIV? I’m on an iPad and when I click on the link it asks if I want to add it as a contact.
Here is the forum link directly… the forum has much more info that I did, I just provided the unconfirmed rumor! 😈
As stated on that thread, they won’t talk about him over there at BJU–and that is the truth. If he was a Scientologist, he’d undoubtedly be called an SP (Suppressive Person), LOL.
When I worked at a local Catholic bookstore, the BJU people would organize squads and periodically invade. (Modus Operandi: one of them would engage me in an argument, as the rest fanned out and stuck Jack Chick leaflets into random books; they always picked St Gertrude, St John Bosco, certain saints really grabbed their fancy, and I always wondered why those in particular. St Raphael *bothered* them the most, I think, since he is in Tobit, and BJU has no use for Tobit. But their famous art museum has Raphael in every other painting, so I don’t *get it.* “How can an angel be a saint?” they would demand, snorting derisively. I would answer, how the hell should I know? Ask Ratzinger, he is running the joint. (and he wasn’t even Pope yet). They are probably the only people left shocked by the word “hell”…
Anyway (pardon digressions) I learned that asking them point blank if BJ4 REALLY DID go to Notre Dame (and didn’t THEIR TUITION, indirectly, PAY for BJ4’s, in that case?) spooked them worse than if they were vampires and I had waved crucifixes and garlic at them. They would leave more or less immediately. One of the kids was bug-eyed and I could tell, he had NO CLUE about Notre Dame, and was shocked. Instead of saying (as I certainly would have, and always do): “Tell me MORE!”–they scurried away, as if I might say something dirty or get violent. They had obviously been TOLD not to discuss BJ4, but what HAD they been told? I’d love to know.
I loved channeling the whole “Meryl Streep in DOUBT” persona, scared the manure right out of them. The only other thing that seemed to scare them was the books about the VERY early church, which they studiously avoided. Jack never got stuck in those.
Sorry to talk so much, but I do have a LOT of experience with these people. Until recently, they were running this town. Now? Up for grabs:
And thanks for letting me talk so much, yall are so nice.
You know, I had never really heard Hamblin till he came to my church this summer. We have a series of guest speakers, most of which are not bad, but he was…well…. AWFUL! The whole shebang was like nails on a badly out of context chalkboard.
He preached a sermon on I Cor. 16:13 “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.” Then he promptly titled his message: “Don’t Quit.” Then I was thinking…erm…quit as in…you know….the opposite of what you are meaning in this sermon…. 😯
He then dove into a series of “points” consisting of “Don’t quit because ____” followed by more out-of-context proof texts. And….as the icing on the crazy cake, one of his illustrations was of how he mocked a man from the pulpit that had offended him for some reason before he preached. Oyy… 🙄 So…maybe he’s a nice guy as some upthread have said, but…as a preacher, not one of my favorites. (#understatement)
Congratulations!!! SFL has now drifted to about as far away from fundalmentalism as is possible!! With all that filthy talk. You owe Pastors Wife an apolegy~~~
SHAME ON YOU ALL
Owe her an apology for what? Can you be more specific?
I would assume the swearing. Fundies are often afflicted with the syndrome that women have to be protected from all kinds of secret evil including swearing.
We are such delicate flowers. Until they need floors scrubbed, meals cooked, dangerous neighborhoods visited form dawn till dark… And other things I am too… Ladylike to mention… 😳
Be sure to read that in my best steel magnolia accent….
Delicate flowers – but not too delicate to clean messy baby bottoms, wipe up kid’s vomit, clean up after pets – I could go on and on about the “gross” stuff we “delicate flowers” tend to get stuck with. 😆
Yes, Beth, but out one of us delicate flowers in pants, in her own office, and in management, and we are a dreadful threat! Much better to browbeat us and try to prove from Scripture that we are to be barefoot and pregnant, with an overflowing quiver, from age 18 through, oh, as long as we can tolerate it. Never mind that the Proverbs 31 woman very clearly IS a successful business woman and manager, never mind the fact that her husband is known by the town’s top brass because of HER doings, not his own! I know the dangers of applying ancient eastern social mores to our day and time. My point is, the whole little woman at home shtick is yet another of their fabricated lies. How clever Marlene Evans was, to rise to such heights within that framework of male dominance. Too clever: she became one of them, and perpetuated their lie for them. As a dorm girl at HAC, and later as an employee, I wondered often why she was allowed to be their exception. It was because she was their useful tool. 👿
Steel magnolia voice again: oh, mah! Ah seem to have gone off on a mild rant! (fans self gently). Must be those ol’ hormones again, don’tcha know…. 😳
I hereby apologize to pastor’s wife. (further warning: my blog might make you faint, in that case, so don’t look). And if you think *I* am bad, you shoulda met my mama, may her amphetamine-addicted soul rest in peace.
I started a radio show last week ❗ on WFIS radio (some of yall from BJU may remember local legend Country Earl, who broadcast from there too) and I made a little sign to put in front of me, reminding me not to cuss, since the FCC could fine me $10,000 a pop. That’s a bit STEEP in my opinion!
At least twice, the sign saved me. Old habits die hard!
I be a good girl from now on! I promise not to talk about indulgences either. 😉
I totally know what F@#! means and I’m not a fundamentalist by any stretch of the imagination. How did I learn their secret code? I’ve got someone on the inside.
Well, Dear ole Lonnie Moore aka Lonzo! A very rich man named Norwood Hodge who owned a Construction Company in Lex. KY was very good childhood friends with his dad. He paid for all of Moore boy’s college education. While Lonnie was pasturing a little country church in the hills of Lee County Ky. his mistress got pregnant. Mr. Hodge captured the naïve preacher man (with kids of his own!) who was seduced by a “woman of the night” and moved Lonzo boy & his family to Nicholasville KY. He paid the “woman of the night” to keep her mouth shut about Lonzo’s illegitimate son.
Now young Lonzo has his education, family, a church, & a new home – all of which the rich man Norwood Hodge has provided. $ flys in the big wig MOG’s. $ advertises in SOTL. $ buys you placement in the kingdom of fundamentalism. But on the deathbed of Norwood Hodge this summer – Lonnie Moore was NO where to be FOUND!
I am in the next town over from Nicholasville, more or less. Never liked or trusted him. Now I know why. 👿 . Gross.
I always wondered about that. Are you sure the love child wasn’t a girl? When would this have been…early 80’s?
Attn Haters: You better hope none of these boys ever backslide. Prayer list becomes the HIT-LIST!
My (former) church had Hamblin for a Valentine’s Banquet this past February, and he preached it up, proudly proclaiming himself to be a militant Baptist.
I walked out, and he approached me afterward. I told him I didn’t agree with the wording “militant”, and he said that means “someone who takes a stand”. You ask 10 people what militant means to them, that is not what they will come up with. If you’re whole calling and ministry as an evangelist is founded on the use of words, there is a poor choice if I ever saw one.
Couldn’t lurk, after seeing this!
I’ve heard Mendez once, and Hamblin way too many times. Trust me, you’re better off not hearing him SCREAM his interpretation of the Gospel.
In my now unclouded mind, he is the very embodiment of All-That-Is-Wrong-With-IFBs.
The last time we heard him “preach” he stood five feet from me and my spouse and let us know what Horrible Heretics we are. 😯
Yet, he loves to quote Spugeon….