E-mails From Fundies

Today’s e-mail comes brimming with probing questions…


I sometimes browse through your material you post. While some of your
criticism is legit, most of it is about as accurate as saying that all
Democrats are immoral liars because one of their great living leaders,
Clinton, was unfaithful and lied under oath.

I did have a couple of questions that I hope you are competent enough
to respond to.
1. Are you a Christian? That’s fine if you are not, I just wanted to
know where you were coming from.
2. If you are a Christian, what group of Christian’s or “Churches” do
you associate with?
3. Does your church or your movement associations influence your
opinions…or are you stupid all by yourself.

Thanks for taking the time to read my email. I’ll be looking for your


This made my day. Seriously.

163 thoughts on “E-mails From Fundies”

  1. Wow. Just immediately racing for the “associations” and church attendance records as the only measuring sticks of a human. At least they can spell & punctuate though. Maybe a semi-reasonable fundy?

  2. Wow,

    I don’t get the mixture of politeness with outright insults. There’s usually an attempt to veil the insults in a witty sentence or two.

    “3. Does your church or your movement associations influence your
    opinionsโ€ฆor are you stupid all by yourself.”

    This is where he lost it. He ruined any chance of being taken somewhat seriously with the last comment. His opening comment was roll-your-eyes worthy, but I was willing to overlook the flawed logic…

  3. 1. No, I am not a Christian, because they were first called Christians at Antioch and my denomination existed before there was a church at Antioch. Come on, haven’t you read the trail of blood?

    2. Since my church existed before Antioch, I don’t know what to call myself. I guess, I am just a believer.

    3. Since you already have your answer, I will not have to answer this one.

    (This is what I would say. ๐Ÿ™‚ )

      1. LOL again. Wow, brilliant responses today. Who knew that the challenge of deciding about solo stupidity vs. Association stupidity would result in such hilarity? Sigh. Thanks J., for this.

    1. I too would like to admit that I am stupid all on my own. It is not truthful or reasonable for me to shift my stupidity onto anyone else. I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen.

      1. LOL. I dunno, Eric, have you ever TRIED group stupidity? Maybe you would like it. I am considering it. Wait, I already did that, those four years at HAC… Nah, you are correct, Eric. Give me solo stupidity every time.

    2. I am offended by this line of questioning (if it is a question, with no question mark).
      I am my own man. I am completely capable of being stupid without any assistance. The originality of my stupidity is beyond reproach.

  4. Everyone’s associations influence their thinking, therefore it’s important to associate with the right kind of people, the ones who are going where you wish to go. By the level of intelligence this person is showing, it appears he or she has been associating with the bottom rung of society. ๐Ÿ™

      1. Hey Paul,

        Thanks for the IQ insult. Please refer to my post I recently made concerning the point of my email. I wanted to point out that not all fundies are stupid because some of their leaders do stupid things. The comments on the email I sent resound with the fact that people are proud of being stupid by themselves as opposed to group stupidity. After reading this website, I get the feeling that you assume that every fundy is stupid because it’s the way the group is. Do you understand how this makes no sense? You defend yourself if someone puts you in an association, but have no qualms about putting every fundy into the same stereotype! It’s hypocritical thinking.

        And by the way, I am not a fundy.

        Joey Martin

        1. We’ve had our share of “Johns” troll through here. It would just be (Ironic) funny if this was another one.

    1. If it were Jack Schaap, I have no doubt he would have been a little less kind. And he would have had the signature line jampacked full of more worthless qualifications than you could shake a Witness Stickโ„ข at. ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ˜‰

  5. I love how the author puts churches in “parentheses”…it’s a statement saying that any church but a fundamentalist church is not a real church.

    Lots of fundamentalists know all about the broad brush treatment.

    1. I noticed that too. It was like saying I know you belong to a fake church since fundamental is not in the name.
      Makes me want to say “yeah I believe in that fake Jesus who died on the fake cross too.”

    2. We see how easy it is to make fun of someone’s wording… Bean obviously had a minor mental slip and wrote parentheses when he meant quotation marks. Everyone, including me, is willing to assume that this was a minor slip, and not mock Bean for low intelligence for not knowing a parenthesis from a quotation mark. I’m willing to overlook the grammatical errors of “J” and assume that he really does know better.

      1. Yes, but people are commenting on the quotation marks around “churches” because J is writing it as if no church outside of fundyland could possibly be a real church. Given the overall tone of his email, it is likely that this is an accurate representation of J’s actual intentions – therefore it’s relatively legitimate to comment on it.

        1. Your example is fine; pointing out his view of churches from his writing is certainly fair; however, the comments that he must be an idiot because he made grammar errors is not.

        2. Bean didn’t say J. is dumb; he (she? I don’t know the gender of beans) said that J. means to imply that churches other than the ones J. prefers are not really churches. I think that’s a fair interpretation of J.’s comments (and punctuation).

        3. Hey guys,

          Thanks for defending my “unintentional” “grammatical” and “punctuational” errors.

          However, please do not assume I am a fundy and have a preferences of “churches.” Please refer to my post I made earlier, it explains the purpose of my email. Thanks

          Joey (by the way, I signed my email. It was Darrell who decided to exclude my name and refer to me as J-. I’m not sure if he did this to make it appear that I didn’t have the stones to put my own name down or not)

      1. Right, the logic works like this:

        All Democrats are immoral liars.
        Bill Clinton is a Democrat.

        Therefore, it’s inevitable that Clinton would cheat on his wife and lie under oath about it and bomb Serbia too.

        1. Yes you can bomb them in Fundyland if they meet certain criteria. Fundypastor said it was ok as “darker the skin, the darker the sin”.

        2. No, PD. This is a joke, right? No one would really say this, right? Please tell me this is poe’s thingy, and I just did not get it. Please!

  6. @ Darrell and J can read it too. (I hope) He starts out by trying so hard to be fair and sincere in his questioning. He conceeds that some of the posts are valid. He then makes a wild comparison( in an attenpt to make himself look like he may be a democrat)to Bill Clinton. By the end he is right where all of us knew he would be going- right back to the angry militant fundy behavior. Emailer J, being a former fundy, I can spot your kind a mile away. Your initial camo of point concession didn’t have me fooled. Your true colors were visible from the word “HI”. Tell me J was that a sincere question to Darrell. How do you feel when I ask you”J, are you just an idiot by yourself or is it because you’ve learned how to be an idiot by being influenced by the idiots with whom you associate?”. Did you think my question to you was sincere? Do you feel compelled to answer for the initiation of honest debate? Of course you don’t. J, spend some more alone time at your local dating parlor and do some research on theproper ways to reach people. I think you will find that its quite different from the ways you are being taught by your pope from his pulpit. Also, you’re welcome back here to this forum anytime unlike how others are treated that have differences with your view.

  7. I just reread the email and noticed an insult I missed. J writes, “I did have a couple of questions that I hope you are competent enough
    to respond to.” Competent enough? Nice. Why am I always surprised when fundamentalists are rude and belittling? Somehow I just expect people who proclaim to follow Christ to actually be gentle and loving and to bless those whom they consider their “enemies.”

    1. I think they take their example from the place where Jesus overthrew the moneychanger’s tables, and called the Pharisees hypocrites and whited sepulchers… or where John the Baptist called them a generation of vipers.

      1. All the while never realizing that *every single one* of these things could easily have been directed at their own actions. These people pick at other’s splinters while missing the veritable lumber section at Home Depot that exists in their own eye.

    1. One of the oldest rules of Netiquette is, “When calling someone else ignorant, stupid, or any of the many synonyms of ‘ignorant’ and ‘stupid,’ make sure that your own spelling, grammar, and punctuation are correct.”

      … One of the oldest, but one of the least observed.

  8. Hey J – seems like you sent an email in which you came off sounding stupid while trying to imply someone else was stupid.

    “Stupid is as stupid does”

    BTW, I realize as a fundy using the word stupid is probably quite satisfing as it is likely about as close as you will come to swearing (God forbid you would use a cuss word! Much better to belittle people). Let me help – you’re a pious asshole. And I’m being nice.

    1. Thank you for the insult. I can’t even begin to count the number of assumptions you made when you read my email. You automatically judged me without speaking to me personally…and I thought only fundies did that…shame on you.

      Joey Martin (not a fundy as everyone is assuming)

      1. I suppose we make assumptions based on the weight of previous experience, Dar-El has passed on a *lot* of comment like this which *were* from fundies, many of whom proved it by coming into this blog and defending they words. I wish I could remember who said “when you here the sound of hooves on a city street, you don’t immediate think of Zebras”

  9. This is just what I needed to read… sometimes when I am on this site, I feel great sadness for the people who swallow fundamentalism hook, line, and sinker. In fact, my heart just aches for them… But, sometimes it is good to remember that they have a choice… Too bad they just don’t know how to be stupid by themselves. Grateful that I do know! There but by the grace of God go I.

    1. Yes, I’m glad that it wasn’t you jean. I do appreciate the conversation with you yesterday.

      My apologies for the “J” association.
      The timing was coincidental and I made a wrong assumption. Forgive me.

  10. Dear J,

    I noticed in your email that some of your whitewash appears to be getting thin. I think I can help you in this regard. NEVER NEVER NEVER, when a person appears that they might possibly not be as conservative of a Christian as yourself, should you give them any credit as possibly being right. You did this at least twice.

    Also, you should never assume that they are Christians. Guilty until proven innocent! Tell them all about how they are headed straight to a godless hell where the flame dieth not and the worm is not quenched, and make them prove to you beyond all reasonable doubt that they are saved.

    If you are interested, I supply three main brands of whitewash for your convenience. They all are very old and respected (by anyone who isn’t a liberal compromising gay feminist pinko commie Democrat Socialist), being developed in 1927, 1972, and 1972, having a strong history of being some of the best whitewash in the nation. I thank you for your kind consideration.

    Jack Arlin Jones

    1. I have seen all three of J.A. Jones’ whitewashes in use on Fundy sepulchres. They look so pretty! Why, just last week, the Baptist church in town had its Founders’ Anniversary Barbecue at the local cemetery. With all that whitewash, you could almost forget they were eating and celebrating over dead men’s bones!

    2. See, here’s the kind of spirit I was speaking about in my comment. You automatically assumed I am a conservative fundamentalist. You judged me without knowing me. You assumed things that I never spoke of. I am not a fundy. I went to a fundy church, but no more. I used the democrat illustration because I am one and I do not think I am like Bill Clinton (although, I am just as capable of committing the same sins he did). I was pointing out that just because a leader in my group did something stupid, does not make all of us stupid.

  11. Very interesting email. It sounds as though they are looking for a denomination to blame for the perceived attack on fundydom, because there is an assumption that a person cannot legitimately act by themselves.

    This is sad. A person’s salvation is personal, and has nothing to do with who they choose to fellowship or associate with. Yes, we are to be careful who we allow to influence us, but in the end it comes down to us.

    How many people who are in fundamental churches feel confident about their relationship with God because they fit in in the group.

    If more people who were within fundamentalism would think for themselves and act on the abuses that exist, there would be no need for this site.

    1. Certainly! I know we’re all mature enough to not subscribe “J” up to various sorts of mailing lists that s/he might … uh … enjoy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      No, we’d never do that! :mrgreen:

  12. I hate to correct J who probably already has at least one honorary doctorate from somebody’s basement. Just a few I spotted. Considering the questions he “did have.”

    Question #1 – “It’s fine if you’re not a Christian.” The problem here is axiomatic.

    Question #2 – I believe J thinks the apostrophe in “Christian’s” makes it plural even more so than the s at the end.

    Question #3 – J ends the question/zinger with a period instead of a question mark.

    No wonder church schools and colleges are failing. We repeatedly see people who are literally too stupid to write a coherent email. I’m beginning to form a theory that there is an inverse relationship between loyalty to crazy IFB MOG’s and IQ points.

    1. One of my psych professors actually wrote his doctorate thesis on the correlation of dogmatism and IQ. According to his findings, there is an inverse correlation: the lower a person’s IQ score, the more likely they are to hold strongly to dogmatic views.This is not limited to religion, but every aspect of the individual’s life, such as political views and sports team loyalty. These are the people who buy a season pass to the Detroit Lions.

      Conversely, those who score higher on the IQ test tend to be more open-minded, will hold to conclusions only after careful consideration of the evidence, and are more willing to re-examine their beliefs when new evidence presents itself. Ironically, those most likely to be right are those most willing to admit they are wrong.

      The more you know…

        1. If the Lions are following the same marketing plan the perpetually awful LA Clippers have been using since the 80’s, they’re selling the opportunity to see all the great players on the opposing teams while paying last-place-in-the-league prices! A marketing plan so simple a fundamentalist could have thought of it. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  13. … Anyone ever get the feeling we’re just perpetuating these reactions? I mean, I love reading this blog, and it’s helped me a lot, but picking apart a person’s defensive response… I feel like we resemble school children sometimes. There’s been a couple times that I’ve gone back and read comments that we’ve made to these posts, and I realized that if I were a fundie, they would make me feel the same as when my old neighbor sends me anti-Obama, anti-Muslim, anti-Liberal hate emails. I know we’re not shoving it in their faces. I know we’ve been hurt and need to heal. I just wonder if sometimes we don’t go about it the wrong way. If maybe we turn to defacement of unjust systems instead of healing our own wounds with love.

    Not saying anything. Just thinking.

    1. You just said something.

      Actually, Fundies get themselves so wrapped up in their little world that a good dose of the reality of the opinions of others can shake them up and eventually help them get a more realistic, less cult-like mindset.

      1. Plus some of us are still in contact with fundies, and are constantly being assaulted with the “but OUR church isn’t so bad, the church over there is MUCH worse, our Pastor is such a nice man, we all have problems…” and being able to see what they’re like behind the facade can be what helps us to keep things firmly in focus as we try to heal.

    2. There’s no way to get any one response from a group as diverse as this: we have believers and unbelievers, the sincere and the skeptic, the tentative and the snarky, the wounded and the healed. We all respond to posts in different ways.

      It’s not our meanness or childishness that’s keeping them angry. Many of us have dealt very lovingly one-on-one with our fundy friends and gotten harsh and nasty responses in return. Snarky approach, gentle approach – with those deeply involved, they’re just going to be offended no matter what attitude we have. The Pharisees rejected both John the Baptist AND Jesus (Mt. 11).

      Also we are not CAUSING their responses. All they have to do is stop reading the blog. Wanting us to change because they can’t handle the truth is like asking women to dress in ankle-length dresses because men lust. The issue is in their own hearts.

      And I don’t think the purpose of this blog is to reach the person still involved in fundamentalism. It’s not for them; it’s for us, as ugly and messy as it might get, at least we can finally speak out and finally have someone else say, “You’re right. I see it too. You’re not alone.”

      1. Couldn’t agree more. I only recently stumbled on this site and and am very thankful to those who are responsible for it’s existence. Reading the posts and comments have encouraged me that there are many others like me struggling to overcome the lies forced on us as kids. I only wish I found it sooner.

      2. That “You’re not alone” is so precious! Especially when you’ve still got the fundies in one ear. I’m not alone. I didn’t make it up. It is that crazy. I think I’d go beserk if it weren’t for the loving people at SFL!

      3. Don’t misunderstand! I COMPLETELY get the merit of this blog and read it, if you’ll pardon the pun, religiously. It’s helped me heal a lot of old wounds. I didn’t mean at all to say that venting and dissecting through snark are without merit. It’s how I’ve gotten where I am, and I think many of you will agree. The point I was trying to make, poorly though I did, was that when a direct line is made for us, when someone send something like that, I think we (by which I suppose I really mean I) should examine our (my) reaction(s). Parenthetically speaking, I was taken aback by my agreement and enjoyment of the verbal beatdown that took place in response to the letter.

        I REALLY didn’t mean to make anyone feel judged in their healing preferences, ESPECIALLY because I SHARE them. I was just … surprised by myself. I thought of how it would feel if I were the person who sent that letter, reading these comments. Although I’ll agree, it does read like it was written by a child.

        Hypocrisy win. Yay Sean. O_o

    3. No that is thought-provoking. Thank you for the comment. If I were a fundy, I’m sure I would have found this comment unoffensive and not stereotypical.

      Joey (or as Darrell refers to me as J-, probably because he was surprised that I left my full name instead of hiding behind an alias)

  14. I sat here wondering whether or not J would come back and see these comments. Possibly not, unless Darrell actually informed him that it was going to be posted.

    I actually tricked myself into thinking that maybe the email was a parody, it was really that ridiculous – then I remembered again (yes, I’m tired tonight ๐Ÿ˜› ) that the original sender didn’t intend for it to be viewed publicly, it was meant as a personal message for Darrell.

    Is this an example of poe’s law or am I just paranoid since I’ve left fundydom? Maybe a bit of both, lol.

  15. Dear Jโ€“

    Your backdoor attempt at criticism is weak. Sad. Pathetic. Democrats are not immoral liars because of Clinton. They are immoral liars because of Adamโ€™s sin. They werenโ€™t chosen by God like the Republicans are. We all know that there are no immoral liars in the Republican party. Ahem.

    I got an A in my Biblical Counseling class where we studied โ€œCompetent to Counselโ€. I must be competent enough to answer your smarmy questions.

    1. Iโ€™m a Christian.
    2. Iโ€™m even a Baptist still. My church is Independent even. That means we donโ€™t associate with other churches.
    3. The church does influence my opinions. Iโ€™ve learned to question everything โ€“ with boldness โ€“ and thankfully our new pastor does too. But itโ€™s Godโ€™s Word that influences my actions.

    Iโ€™m quite capable of being stupid by myself, but I prefer to associate with the other stupid people here and at my church.

    Thanks for stopping by. Iโ€™ve read that Tide is really good at washing out tomato and egg stains. I think youโ€™re going to need a lot of Tide from my stupid friends here at SFL who love to throw things.


  16. The greatest enemy of dogmatic faiths is the internet and forums like this where people who at one time in their lives may have been exposed to unquestioning allegiance may share their personal stories of how they escaped. Just as Communism in East Germany could not survive exposure to freedom on the other side of the wall, the half-life of fundyism becomes shorter each year. The fresh air that this blog and others bring will hasten the demise of J’s rigid thinking.

      1. Unfortunately, just like with radiation, we still get to deal with the products of decay. People who have their world views shattered can react in many different ways–one of which is to go off the deep end completely.

  17. You just know that J has read this and with all the resolve he/she can muster, they are sitting at the computer repeating “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord” over and over to themselves, while trying to control their urges to post.

    1. Very cute post. I love the judgmental criticism. (maybe some of your fundy past still clinging on for dear life?)

      Joey (or J- as Darrell refers to me as.)

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