218 thoughts on “Really Bad Poetry”

  1. “There’re conferences and seminars and meetings by the bulk” Gee, I wonder whose fault that is?

    “Our girls have knee length skirts, our guys have short cut hair”….what the??

    Once again, even a parody couldn’t be this perfectly inane.

  2. I see how mechanical the poem is. But at the same time, don’t you think this church is appealing to their culture in the way they do songs/poems? Because my sister in law came back from there and said they tend to like those quick chorus chants.

    1. But what culture? It’s highly entertaining as a hip-hop piece, but that’s not a culture they would be trying to aim at. It also “works” as a bunch of cheerleading slogans, but I doubt you’ll see pom-poms in church. But maybe they’re appealing to the fact that the church members will gobble up any old crap that Schaap throws at them, no matter how lame or bad it is.

        1. sensitive to the culture ??
          sorry Charlie…but I think they are
          oblivious to any culture but their own…
          and by “own” I mean cult, not culture.

      1. “They will gobble up any old crap Schaap throws at them.” That is exactly right. Sadly I know too well. I used to be one of those who frantically gobbled it all up. Two years free, but still needing help in purging this crap from my system.

  3. I’m surprised they acknowledge iPods and Twitter and that KJVO Bibles come in colors other than black. Clearly a case of truth being stranger than fiction.

    SFL Poet Emeritus Don, what’s your take?

    1. Don,
      I hopei am not overstepping here, but i thought i would give my take as well:
      There once was a poem by Jack,
      The one whose last name was Schapp,
      He tried very hard
      To be like the Bard,
      But the poem just ended up whack.

      When Shoes read the poem he tried
      To read the whole thing but he cried,
      β€œThis poem really sux,
      Give be back my 2 bucks
      My brain feels like it’s been fried.

      1. I just had an idea. Let’s start calling him Jock Schaap so his name rhymes.

        *Ahem* People watch the clock while being shell-shocked by the ad hoc crock of Jock Schaap, which is a stumbling block on our path to the Rock who does knock at the door-lock of the heart. Take Jock Schaap to the dock of a loch in Bangkok and let his boat rock while listening to Bach. To Jock Schaap, who should have writer’s block or stuff in a sock while we continue to mock for the good of the flock.

        Respect (but not for him).

        1. Very good, ISBW.

          But “Jock Schaap” doesn’t quite rhyme. How about “Chop Shop”?

        2. I just rhyme “Schaap” with “nap”.

          Like this:
          Jack Schaap preaches crap,
          likes to slap,
          “Grandma, shut your trap!”
          His words attack.
          The people clap.
          But they’ve been trapped
          In Jack Schaap crap.

        3. Well, Jock Schaap sent my mind on the poem:

          Jock Schaap could eat no fat
          His wife could eat no lean
          Then, betwixt the two of them,
          They licked the platter clean!

          Now for some word tweaking:

          Jock Schaap could bear no fat
          ‘Pon ladies he preached at Sunday.
          What this has to do with Scripture
          Is more than I can say.

          Or something…

        4. To I Should be Working – exellent. Now we should put some beats behind it and turn it into an awesome rap video on youtube.

          To Preacher’s Wife – I really like your poem but his name is not pronounced with a short A otherwise it would work. His name is pronounced more like Skop (rhymes with hop. Not that its all that important, just wanted you to be able to diss him accurately. πŸ˜‰

        5. I was just riffing off “I should be working”‘s idea of calling him Jock Schaap so his name would rhyme. I thought of changing his name in the other direction.

        6. Oops, my bad. I get it now. Guess that’s the fundy still left in me, thinking I needed to correct you when you were just havin’ a little fun. Sorry. Keep up the good work.

        7. No problem! πŸ™‚ Actually, until only recently, I DID think his name was pronounced that way because I’d only seen it written not heard it said.

        8. No biggie. Besides, no matter how you say his name, he is still the same ol’ Jack A** πŸ˜†

        9. Based on Guilt Ridden’s idea above:

          Jack Schaap could bear no fat:
          Said wives had to be lean.
          And so betwixt his scorn and hate,
          His message is obscene.

          And why they sit and take it
          Is more than I can tell.
          But words that lack in love and grace
          Are from the pit of hell.

          Jack Schaap, cut the crap
          And learn humility.
          And, ladies still at FBC,
          Come out! Find liberty.

      2. There once was a preacher from Hammond
        And a pulpit he was constantly slammin
        That open toed shoes
        Were a don’t, not a do
        Of the rules that he was demandin

        1. open toed shoes? i hadn’t heard this one…do tell! toe cleavage causes men to lust maybe?

        2. amy – There was a post last year that was a clip of Schaap talking about the immodest dress of a wedding party. When he got to the shoes and mentioned open-toed, he yelled NO about 12 times in a row. Unfortunately the video has been taken down by FBC.

        3. Tell me about it. I used to be one of the “enforcers.” I always felt so ridiculous telling grown women they couldn’t wear this or that, or they should really wear a different undergarment with that outfit. I still wish I could go back and apologize to each and every one of them! πŸ˜₯

  4. My brain really hurts after reading that. Some of my takeaways:

    “Make them your commandments as a spritual slave”
    Isn’t that so appropriate after the post yesterday on branding?

    “Preach it in the ghetto where they’re scared and poor”
    Who uses the term ghetto anymore? That is so 1960’s. And talk about stereotyping.

    “I can point out all your heresies…”
    Because you have everything 100% correct? Oh I forgot, fundies are right about EVERYTHING.

    “We even ask the Holy Ghost each day what we should wear”
    Really? Has anyone ever prayed about what clothes to wear?

    And finally my favorite:
    “Perhaps the problem is with you, my friend…”
    Yep. That sums up the mindset of fundyland in 8 simple words.

    OK, I need to go back to bed now.

    1. Re: Praying about what clothes to wear. Hyles taught that about 20 years ago or so. I still remember that one (I was a kid, 10-12 yr old). Getting ready for church on Sunday was never the same a gain. It was hard enough as a girl to follow all the dress standards, add to that my family was dirt poor and I did not have a lot to choose from, then I must stand in front of my closet obsessing over what God might have me wear that day – will he tell me exactly which outfit to wear, will I get it right, what will happen if I get His message wrong. I think that is where my OCD tendencies probably started. Good times.

      1. Yes, I thought the same thing! I thought the first page was it…then it kept going, and going, and going. It’s just so…bad! Also, I had no idea there was a South African branch of HAC. Those poor South African people.

        1. I do believe they are one in the same – just the one location in Ghana. However there is another one of sorts in China as well,

  5. Darrell, there are posts when I wish I could ask for you to give back the time I just spent reading them. This is one of them, but then again what better way to wake up then with a full face palm.

    Jack, Jack, Jack . . . the President is on the line and is offering you the position of National Poet Laureate, or not. And Jack, beside the awful meter, bad rhyming, and mish-mash of words to try and get your “message” out, you slipped and your theology is showing. Paul did not say that he counted all for loss for the sake of “go, win, baptize, teach”, but rather he counted all loss for the sake of knowing Jesus. There is a difference. Many will say did I not go and baptize and preach in Your name and He will say, “Depart from Me I never knew you.” See Jack, you’ve kinda turned it on its head a little bit. No, you’ve turned it upside down completely. You’ve made sharing “the Gospel” god and it’s a small “G”. Because all you’re concerned about is numbers and pressuring people and your own status in the fundy kingdom, but your aren’t actually showing anyone God. If you were you would realize that God looks on the heart so the hemlines of skirts and the length of one’s hair is the deciding factor. You would also realize that the “reason” for the virgin birth and that “the motive” of Christ’s death on the cross was to glorify God first. See how you’ve twisted it? Jesus died for the glory of His Father. You’ve made the story of Jesus and God (well let’s be honest, your interpretation of who God is)God. Your false gospel is not God so don’t give it the preeminence that only He deserves.

    One last thing, what did this line even mean? “What concerning this message do you fail to reach?” I’ve read it several times and I’m not getting it.

    Well, I don’t suspect you will reply because you probably think that I think you’re “mind is cracked”, which I do, but if you want to “rip my face” and “point out my heresies” I’d love to banter with you.

    1. George, George – Should read, “God looks on the heart, so the hemlines of skirts and the length of one’s hair is NOT the deciding factor.”

      1. my first thoughts also-
        just keep chanting…
        hey, your heart can be full of pride, lust, gluttony and greed, judgment and condemnation
        …just chant louder !!
        Everybody with me now
        go, win, baptize, teach
        go, tell, baptize, preach
        O, hell, capsize, breach…mayday, mayday…

        1. To which Schaap would reply, “Athanasius who???” “Hey, listen hear you little twit coming at me with your stupid squirt gun of theology. Squirt away! Anything written before 1611 is complete drivel and I know it. And because I know it, I’m going to scream at you until I berate you into knowing it. Understood?!?! Athanasius! Bah! What you need is some good old Jack Hyles or Jack Schaap. It will be a cold day in Hell before I ever get my theology from anyone other than myself and my idols.”

        2. β€œHey, listen….”

          That must be a pet saying of pastors from the HAC camp. That is what I heard screamed from the pulpit on many occasions. Nothing like talking down to your audience. Arrogant a**hats.

        3. Mr. Scorpio sir,
          “a**hats”…really now ??
          I like it !!!
          I’ve been trying to deal with my fundy induced anger and frustration, but have become quite the sailor in the process, what with all that throwing
          vowels and consonants around like nobody’s business-so thank you for the creative alternative.
          (I’ll put it next to “smart-apple”, sadly not original, I stole it from Leave it to Beaver)
          Maybe we should start a list of creative fundy induced anger and frustration words to help us cope.
          I’m just glad I don’t own a parrot…bra*@#*wk !!

  6. There’s plenty of bad poetry in old Gospel hymns; I learned that while growing up. Hence the phenomenon is nothing new among fundies. It’s just that it has gotten dumber.

  7. …and soon, he will write a song. Remember that horrible song J. Hyles wrote, “Come Boldly”? After hearing it (ouch) I felt Hyles was trying to prove there was NOTHING he couldn’t do. Opinion – Schaap will do the same.

    That poem is awful in every way.

    1. In a church that big, there probably are some people who could write real poetry – or at least better than that. The church is a body; we all are supposed to need each other; a pastor is supposed to help others learn to exercise their gifts for the edification of the saints. But no. Not in First Baptist of Hammond. I guess only Schaap gets the glory; everyone else has the unobtrusive gift of helps (preferably in the background).

  8. “Tell it to the rich man and dream concerning his tithe” – Oh, my! You know, even if you think some things, it’s usually better not to say them. Yeah, when a wealthy person gets saved and joins your church, you do think about how the offerings may go up, but then you dismiss that thought as unworthy and ask God to help you be less worldly; you don’t write down your greedy thoughts in a poem.

    1. I thought this line was (one of) the worst in the whole pathetic train wreck! How sad to say you’re thinking of someone’s soul and tnen “dream” of their tithe. That’s just awful!

  9. Darrell,
    First, you are posting way too early in the morning. At least let me get in my morning coffee before you bring back the horrific memories.

    Second, I was there, in person for this. Schaap read it and that was the entire message then “we” all chanted go- win-baptize-teach several times. At that point he gave a standard anyone who loves God come to the altar and everyone but me ran to the altar feigning conviction and the smiting of Jack Schaap poetry.

      1. The word “doggerel” made me think of poop, so I went to my Thesaurus to look up another appropriate name for what this was and got this…cow pies, cowplop, crap, dung, feces, fertilizer, guano, manure, meadow muffin, night soil, ordure.
        I really like “meadow muffin” personally.

    1. Yeah, I was there for that one too. I remember thinking “this is a little like responsive readings at mass, only without the somber tone. Or, maybe its more like chanting at a cult meeting.” But mostly I remember staring down at my hands in my lap and thinking “am I the only one in here who thinks this is just plain nuts?” I was out the door for good shortly after that bizarre episode.

    2. I also remember thinking “is this ever going to end?” and then feeling really guilty for not just adoring his awful poetry. Good times.

        1. I am so glad that I remained firmly standing at my seat. I was the only one still standing up in my entire section. I felt his laser-eyes trying to intimidate me to get down on my knees. But I just couldn’t do it! At least that is one less altar call/ promise that I do not have the shame to still work through.

  10. β€œPreach it in the ghetto where they’re scared and poor”

    I live in the “ghetto” and the ones who are more scared are the white people who come into the city to do ministry, not the people who live there.

    “Tell it to the rich man and dream concerning his tithe”

    At least they’re honest about their bad motives………

  11. “I can point out all your heresies and even rip your face,
    But where are all our converts? It’s our movement’s disgrace.”

    No, Schaap. I think your movement’s disgrace is that you can “rip someone’s face”. The fruit of the Spirit is love, peace, patience, and gentleness. I don’t see “ripping someone’s face” on the list anywhere, Schaap. Maybe you don’t know your big old black KJV as well as you think you do.

    And the previous line says, “I can vilify my brother.” Guess what? God says to LOVE the brethren!

    You know, Schaap, your version of the Gospel isn’t worth going and preaching.

    1. I think you are making the mistake of taking him seriously. IFB Hammond is not a Christian church. Never has been. Why expect them to act Christian?

    2. In fundyland, the ability to eloquently “rip someone’s face” is often mistaken for being filled with the spirit. Sad, but true.

  12. OK, I tried to read this twice. First time I only got a couple lines in. Second time, I skipped over a few lines and got almost to the middle of page two before I felt really nauseous. Now my coffee tastes funny.

  13. Hmmmm.

    Schaap says, “Go – Win – Baptize – Teach! This is the message we’ve been called to preach.” NO, that’s what God told us to DO, but not what He told us to PREACH. We are to preach the GOSPEL.

    I Cor. 1:23 – “But we preach Christ crucified.”

    Gal. 6:14 – “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

    Rom. 14:9 – “For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.”

    Where is the beauty of Christ? Where is the love of Christ compelling us?

    1. I was thinking about this too. I remember the commands “Go” and “Teach” and “Baptize.” But “Win” I don’t remember. It’s like they take God out of it all together. He wins, we’re commanded to teach; which takes a little more time and commitment than 30 seconds creeping someone out and shoving a tract and a guilt trip in their hand. πŸ‘Ώ

      1. Exactly what I was thinking. Nowhere in the Bible are we commanded to do the winning. In fact, Paul clearly points out that that’s God’s job. If IFBers were to realize this, a lot of their preaching and practices would go out the window.

    1. Coming right after PW’s entirely correct comment, that came out all wrong. Revised version: who could regard the assorted heresies and generally awful theology embodied in that drivel written by Jack Schaap as Good News, which is what Christians are called to preach?

  14. I don’t know whether to laugh at this or cry at its lies and manipulation in the name of his god.

    What a weak anemic pathetic little god this poem is about. This poem is an ode to man. In it we see the theology of man, how his god needs him and the doctrine of works sanctification, all for the glory of the religious worker.

    “just get the message out: that’s the saviour’s urgent plea.”

    Tell it to the rich man and dream concerning his tithe
    There it is. That sums up the man centered religion, “and dream concerning his tithe.”

    “Where are the million$ we’ve been called to reach?”

    “Pretend you’re Billy Sunday, or a Moody or a Rice
    But whatever you pretend…”

    “But where are all our converts? Its our movement’s disgrace.”

    Their converts? Their converts???
    Yes, their movement is a disgrace.

    Where is Jesus in all of this? Where is he lifted up? Where is he Glorified! Where is he praised for his goodness and mercy?? If the focus was actually on the finished work of the Savior (or the KJV Saviour) then all this manmade effort and focus would not be necessary. When Jesus Christ is the focus then all the rest is a natural outgrowth of our love for him!

    and not a love for Bad Schaap poetry…

      1. I saw that. When we are finished you’ll have to give the Winston Churchill speech, “Never have so many owed so much to so few…” πŸ™„ πŸ˜†

    1. Yeah, pretty much. This irritates me about these outreach churches in other countries. They make absolutely no attempt to adapt to the culture. Instead, they try to force a square peg into a round hole and make the locals adapt to the American HAC way of doing things. It’s so bizarre.

  15. my personal favorite
    “I can point out all your heresies,
    and even rip your face”
    …but the fruit of the spirit is hate, anger, strife, harshness, condemnation, judgment, violence
    ah, yes…reflecting the image of God
    WWJD- and Jesus saith, “I’m a gonna rip your face”

  16. Schaap – “This is life eternal called the Gospel plan – Go, win, baptize, teach.” Really?

    Bible – “Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand…For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve…this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.” (from I Cor. 15)

      1. I suppose you are here to try and convince us of erros, or what not, to what end, i do not know, but your atheistic objections have been said before and answered by smarter folks than me.
        Go do your own research.

        “Answer not a fool according to his folly…”

        1. Well, first of all, not an atheist.

          Second, I have done the research.

          Third, St. Paul would have been aware that the women were there. Failing to give a detail of the resurrection account does not mean he or the Bible was in error. So I am not making a strawman argument.

          My point was that the good St. Paul was a good patriarch. Jesus treated women a lot better than St. Paul did. That was my point.

        2. Of course Jesus treated women better than Paul. Jesus treats all people better than Paul did.
          Jesus, God the Son
          Paul, Chiefest of sinners.

          However, God inspired Paul’s writing, therefore we can be confident that Paul wasn’t mistreating women.

          You should research legitimate sources next time.

      2. Mary & the women were listed in the Gospels. When Paul is making an argument for proof of the resurrection here, he is using “admissible” evidence (testimony of men) in the society they were in.

        1. Indeed. But St. Paul would have been wrong to challenge the patriarchy of his day. /s

        2. *would have been wrong to challenge the patriarchy*?

          I think it would be wrong to not challenge it at least some. I think you’d have a hard case to make that he didn’t, but when you are trying to prove historicity, using evidence that isn’t accepted as reliable is kind of counter productive.

  17. β€˜Twas the Night before Jack’s Colonoscopy

    ‘Twas the Night before Jack’s Colonoscopy and all through his church,
    The numbers were down; he was in a lurch,
    The flyers were hung on the cork board with care,
    To herald the conference soon to be there.

    When down in his bowels there arose such a clatter
    Jack sprang o’re the altar in a cloud of fecal matter
    He ran for the men’s room and threw open the door
    Jerked down his pants and covered the floor

    Just one little whiff of what he left in the passage
    He became inspired and composed a message
    With pen in hand and his brain on a roll
    He began to write on the white Charmin scroll.

    He wrote with such fury, he wrote with such wit,
    Eureka! He cried, β€œI have here a hit!” (what did you think I was gonna say?)
    My Magnum Opus, they’ll receive it with glee,
    Come to the altar and bow before me.

    So on the night of gastronomic tribble
    His brain did produce this poetic dribble
    It’s a prize winner, he knows it’ll preach,
    This crap that’s known as β€œGo, Win, Baptize, Teach”

    and ode to Really Bad Poetry -george

      1. Don, after reading that, I began a slow clap. Which is really awkward because I am sitting here in my office. By my self. That was epic. I can only hope that somehow, Jackie boy gets to read it.

      1. Somebody needs to insert a King James Version scripture using the word “bowels” here.

        (I’m a bit sleep-deprived today, or I’d find one myself.)

        1. How about Genesis 15:4?
          “And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own BOWELS shall be thine heir.”

        2. Or Job 20: 14-15?
          “Yet his meat in his BOWELS is turned, it is the gall of asps within him.
          He hath swallowed down riches, and he shall vomit them up again: God shall cast them out of his belly.”

    1. Excellent work, sir! The phrase “fecal matter” has been one of my all time faves for like 2 decades. It’s highly underused, and your usages was just pitch perfect!

    2. You know I must be a glutton for punishment because I re-read GWBT this evening and nearly lost a keyboard myself when I got to the first two words on line 8. In light of β€˜Twas the Night before Jack’s Colonoscopy, those two little words take on a WHOLE new meaning…. 😯 πŸ˜‰

    3. Don, I laughed so hard…

      Of course, having pre-colonoscopy bowel trouble is never an excuse for missin’ a church service. 3 to thrive makes gid happy after all!

  18. “Sing it to yourself when you feel forlorn.” That’s so unbiblical!!! When I feel down, I remind myself of God’s love for me, not keep chanting about the job I’m supposed to be doing.

  19. “Tell it when you’re grown and feel a little odd.”

    That doesn’t even make sense. These are meaningless stupid syllables thrown in so he could complete the line and be able to rhyme the next line with “bod.” This is meaningless drivel. Who grows up and feels odd? Shouldn’t you feel odd as a gangly teen? Or as an old person with a fat, bald bod? This is some of the most ridiculous drivel I’ve ever read.

    1. Agreed, PW. I’ve read a lot of literature and poetry (heck, I used to be an English major before I switched to Communication Studies)… Schaap’s “poem” is some of the worst drivel I’ve ever read.

  20. “Just get the message out; that’s the Savior’s earnest plea.”

    JUST get the message out? No, that’s NOT Christ’s earnest plea.

    He also wants us to love one another. He wants us to be humble and compassionate. He wants us to know Him.

    1. But as we all know, relationship is way too difficult for fundies to deal with. Let’s make a rule to follow instead of an example of love to follow.

    1. I do not think that he is good,
      to print this wasted lots of wood.

      He made this poem way too long,
      I hope he does not write a song.

      I did not like the men from Ghana,
      Their scary chanting made me wanna,

      Take my money from the plate,
      grab my bike and leave the state.

  21. “tell it to neighbors in the streets and the lanes,
    tell it to a stranger on the bus or in a plane”

    or would you, could you in a house?
    …would you, could you with a mouse?
    I would not, could not, here or there,
    I will not, shalt not anywhere.

  22. So relieved I’m outta there!
    Hubby HATES the screaming mentality they have in sermons! I tend to be a little softer toward IFB’s giving them a “completely ignorant” card- but I have to agree with the screaming.
    Relax, slow down, and really teach these students the truth- not screaming rhymes.

    1. Even when I was in college, I knew I didn’t want to be in a church where the pastor screamed at me. No way! I never imagined that 20 years later, I’d not self-identify as a fundamentalist, but I could identify even then abusive, soul-crushing behavior.

        1. Better yet, I think the ladies in this get-together should take a moment to walk around the lake at HAC all wearing sleeveless tops, open toed shoes and the nicest, tightest jeans we own. I would count it a great privilege to be escorted off campus by whichever Barney Fife is on duty. πŸ˜‰

        2. That’s hilarious! “keep your fetishes to yourself”
          That’s one thing I’m not allowed to wear- panty hose and skirts πŸ™‚
          A reunion sounds awesome- but I’m not 100% sure who ekj is??

        3. You probably wouldn’t know me or remember me, but I know who you and your hubby are. I was in college with IAHB and also your sister and her hubby. I escaped a couple of years ago and still live in NWI. I just may be giving you a call some time to do our family portraits. I visited your website, and I like your work – your little guy is so cute!

  23. That’s some really bad poetry.

    As someone who is passionate about orphans, I take issue with – well the whole thing, but in particular that if you scream the good news at an orphan God will be pleased. *Growl* God is pleased when we place orphans into our familes, not preach at them.
    The whole stupid part about getting the desitute saved is so unlike God. Jesus didn’t tell the poor and needy, “Ye must be born again.” He fed them, and healed them.

    Ok trying to calm down…

    1. I like Haiku’s. I like them even better with Big Gary’s new spelling of HAiCu

      Invite your neighbors
      Spin the big prize wheel to win
      Inflated ego

      Statue of Jack Hyles
      Come worship the “chosen” one
      Bow before your Baal

  24. Jack Schaap hit a trap
    That fell on his head.
    He failed to mention the Christ
    That rose from the dead.

    He gives a rant and a blow
    And a rip of the face,
    A scream and a failure
    To tell about grace.

    A chant of the self:
    Self-centered, self-pleased.
    Trapped in the dark
    Of his self-disease.

    Pharisaical induction
    Drowning the flock
    In words without meaning:
    Not a sermon, but a mock.

    All praise to the Schaap,
    Whose bondage of pain
    Gives rhyme-strained lines
    Where Christ is not named.

    -Halcyon 2011

  25. The poem lists all the things that are wrong with their churches and then surmises that the reason is that they aren’t being bold enough? Lord have mercy

    1. I was going to say something about this too…well, I guess I am now, in responding to you.

      The gist of this “poem” is that whatever you’re doing, it’s not enough. The dwindling members, the lack of “converts”, it’s all “YOUR” fault. It couldn’t possibly be that the MOG is the problem, and he’s the one driving everyone away. Nope, it’s all you slackers not doing your jobs of “Go! Win! Baptize! Teach!” I would seriously love to know if Jack Schaap would ever admit to a fault of his.

  26. I think we should round all these up and submit them to next month’s “Christian Womanhood!” Have them sent in from all over the world. 😈
    Then sit back and watch the Fundie Kabuki Theatre presentation of “I, Martyr.”

  27. I can’t stop picking away at this poem.

    “Toot it on your horn” – (OK, that just sounds silly)
    “Or play it on some strings” – (unless the strings are electric guitars)
    “Hoist up your voice til the rafters ring!” (while “hoist” and “voice” have a nice repetitive sound and the alliteration of “rafters ring” is catchy, this line shows the danger of using a thesaurus without thinking about the nuances of words. You can LIFT up your voice, but you never HOIST UP your voice. That just sounds ridiculous.)

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