262 thoughts on “Marriage Retreats”

  1. @IAHB (or other former HACers familiar with this). Is this primarily targeted at local FBCH members? (I don’t recognize any of the people but Jack*** Schaap himself, but then again I don’t know hardly any famed fundies past or present in the HAC kingdom or others). Any way from watching I kind of oscillated/vacillated between thinking that was a bunch of HAC pastors around who were using this event to berate their congregations and bring along couples to ingratiate themselves to the big man (Jacksonville couple was a large part of this), and thinking it was almost exclusively FBCH with a few exceptional HAC lovers who came from Jacksonville and wherever else. I don’t understand how even in the Chicago suburbs there are enough people to build this large of a church and this committed a group of people willing to put up with this? Even catering to & protecting abusers can only go so far to explain how many people they can get to show up in Hammond, IN. Maybe not the best forum to ask, but I just don’t understand sometimes.

  2. “Get closer to him, closer to FBC, and closer to God.” Whew, that was close! I was afraid God wouldn’t even get an honorable mention! 😯

    1. what about closer to his wife?! Isn’t this a marriage retreat? Oh, wait…i forgot they are all supposed to be “married” to Schaap!

  3. I can’t think of nothing more UN-romantic than a fundie retreat where I have to get dressed up in all my fundy u gear and smile stupidly.

    Call me crazy, but a retreat for me with Sexy Pants is when I can get him COMPLETELY away from everything and everyone and we are totally ALONE.

    I will say, from IAHB’s comment about “Romance Night”, HF and I would SO get kicked out of that group because whether we were having sex or not, we’d yell really vulgar things through the wall.

    We’d be ignored the next day.

      1. Awesome! We didn’t want to come home and pitched a tantrum, but it didn’t do any good. πŸ˜‰

    1. A friend went to a (valuable) marriage retreat — it was all day Friday and most of Saturday. Friday’s session wrapped at 4:00 or so. The intention was to go out on a date Friday night (there were lots of places to go around the hotel where the retreat was held). But, having just studied Song of Solomon, the couples were first to go to their rooms to, er um ….

      The host of the retreat said he was going to sit in the hotel lobby and read the riot act to anyone he saw before 6:00. πŸ˜›

      1. Oh, lovely πŸ˜• . Nothing like threats to put a couple in the mood. He does realize most hotels have more than one exit.

        1. I’m pretty sure hotels are required to have more than one exit, for fire safety.

        2. Sorry, bad forum to tell that story in (given the context of the post). He was only teasing — his point was (in case they missed it in the study) that the couples should not consider, er um, ya know, to be something not to be done at a Christian conference — in fact, just the opposite. :mrgreen:

    2. I think if there are two things less hot than sermons and bowling, I can’t imagine what they could be. Maybe they top the weekend off with a trip to the dentist or something like that.

  4. Rob M, this event is primarily attended by married church members and married college students, though obviously some people did come from out of town for this thing.
    Given the history of abuse and scandal there, I understand that it is difficult to understand why anyone would choose to be a member of that church. Having grown up there, I am more confused about it now than ever. It was not until I left it all (recently) that I began to find the truth about all the abuse. The leadership there is extremely adept at spinning, sidestepping and outright lying about what goes on behind closed doors.

    1. Heartbreaking & wicked. I’ll never understand it. I have some sympathy, but mostly just smh dumbfoundedness.

    2. You’re not the only one. I spent a little over four years there, and I think the biggest thing that kept me from leaving earlier was because it was like leaving my entire life behind.

      1. In all my years at FBC Hammond, we were told all the rumors/gossip werejust lies. I was conditioned to simply belief. There was a time we were to ban the Hammond newspaper so as to not even hear the allegations.

        Not until I left IFB all together have I even been able to consider that Jack Hyles was possibly a fraud.

        1. I also spent four years there, and the lies are so constant and the mind games so prevalent that you wouldn’t believe the stuff you hear (“gossip?”) even if you heard it. But you wouldn’t hear it until you are away from there. (and even then it is hard to believe…)

  5. So much goodness here, even beyond the Stepford Wives:

    * 0:29 — Apparently, his wife has no joy in her life.
    * 0:44 — Bowling in ankle length skirts must be so much fun.
    * 1:07 — Why did he come with his daughter?
    * 1:53 — The woman nodded and mouthed a “yes”. Stone her!!
    * 2:20 — apparently no fellowship occurred during the bowling
    * 2:54 — No tie and untucked shirt ?!?! Heathen !!!!
    * 3:10 — She actually said something! Stone her twice!!

    1. “* 0:44 Ò€” Bowling in ankle length skirts must be so much fun.”

      If someone dared me and gave me enough money… oh, and enough alcohol, I would have jacked my skirt up right before I bowled to mini skirt level, turned around to my opponents and said, “Get ready to throw DOWN, BITCHES!!!”

      “* 1:53 Ò€” The woman nodded and mouthed a Ò€œyesÒ€. Stone her!!”

      I thought the same thing! “Did she REALLY say something!?”

      I know I was offended. πŸ˜‰

  6. Watched this again for some astonishment. That first couple commenting (i.e. man commenting and woman obeying), couldn’t be more right that if the best golfer (or whatever) needs a coach, the people at FBCH all very much need lots & lots & lots of coaching. The kind that says GTFO, right now!

  7. Regarding the skirt comment, “Everything goes with skirts”. Ummm, yeah. So the youth group at my Fundy church was planning a snow skiing trip. And the girls were not allowed to wear pants. They suggested skirts or culottes with leg warmers. I wish I were joking. They eventually caved and said girls could wear pants for this one event only. Some of the girls were not allowed to go because of this. I love the IFB!!!!!!!

    1. we were allowed to wear pants only on ski trips except for me, who had to wear a skirt up there, change into pants under my ski bibs and then wear a skirt back home. I hated every second of it. πŸ˜•

  8. There are a couple of things I like about this video and one thing I am very disappointed about.

    I like how the couples are dressed up in the appropriate fashion, wearing their best for the Lord. I also like how the men do all the talking and the women are silent. This is spot on to the biblical principle of the women remaining silent in the church.

    I am very disappointed about the couples bowling. What goes on when the world bowls? Drinking and smoking. As IFBs, we should avoid all appearances of evil (1 Thess 5:22).

    Fundy Fred

    follow me on facebook http://www.facebook.com/fundyfred

      1. I’m mildly laughing assuming/hoping it is indeed another CMG type commenter! If so delightful. Still got a bit of a nervous “I sure hope this isn’t real” though.

    1. Ya see, Fred, the bowling alley was Jack Hyles’ “gift” to the college students and was built in the old chapel. So there would be no appearance of inpropriety by anyone needing to bowl next to anyone who might have had a sip of beer. Absolute separation. Always.

  9. They make women wear skirts so that they have a good testimony to the world. The world then thinks they look weird and turns away. The fundies then say that the world turns away from them, not because they are weird, but because their (the world’s) hearts are hard. Isn’t this some sort of logical fallacy?

  10. The reason the men are speaking is that since the couples are one in Christ, and the man functions as Christ in the home, he is speaking for both of them. Right out of Ephesians 5. None of these couples, nor the overwhelming majority of Bible-believers (fundamental folks and conservative evangelicals as well) would say a woman should not give express her opinions to her husband. Indeed, she would not be a good helpmeet or completer if she did not.

    1. On a side note, by commenting here aren’t you violating your church’s policy on Internet Usage which states (and I quote):

      We do not believe that there is any compelling need to participate in chat rooms or other public Internet forums.

      Just wondering.

      1. Never heard that stated anywhere in our assembly or any fellowship I’ve ever attended.

    2. “and the man functions as Christ in the home”

      Really? I would ask for chapter and verse, but I’d just be feeding the trolls.

      *Looking in Bible for any example where man functions as Christ in the home*

      What does that even mean? If it means that my hubby is in Christ’s place between the Father and me, that is heresy. I have a mediator already. “There is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.”

      1. Yeah, when you get right down to it, teaching that somehow women need an extra mediator between themselves and God besides Jesus Christ is completely heretical. Why so many churches do not catch something so blatantly obvious, I have no clue… wait, yes I do. In too many churches, women are not people. They’re only life support systems for sex organs.

        It’s a miracle Fundy women and others from patriarchal groups don’t just throw in the towel and decide not to marry. It’s no surprise, however, that so many do walk out of those churches. 😈

        1. Who needs the Holy Spirit when you have a fundy husband who get’s his orders from his fundy pastor? Ahmen?

        2. My wife is an adult, and therefore responsible for her own thoughts, actions, prayers, and words. If I tried to speak for her, I’d only make an even bigger jackass of myself than I do speaking for myself.

  11. “The marriage retreat is like a detail shop, it puts the shine back in our marriage.” What the frack does that even mean?!!! Is he referring to waxing? And who or what is getting waxed? Just wondering. πŸ˜‰

  12. this guy looks soooo familiar. he must have preached at one of my ex-church’s conferences~

  13. are the women not allowed to speak??? they look kinda silly and dumb standing next to their husbands blinking and nodding…almost like a murse (man purse)…

  14. Yes, this thread is getting cold, but I didn’t drop by for a couple of days, and I just have to release the anger….

    The complete and utter &%$###&& marriage “advice” given by morons like these have damaged my own marriage a lot. We are together only by the Grace of God, but it has cost liters of tears, and many pints of blood and sweat. Some things cannot be undone, and the scars will remain.

    Seriously, I am happy that I am 16000km away from the idiots who “preached” crap like this when I was younger, because the temptation to literally knock some sense into them is pretty big some days. πŸ‘Ώ πŸ‘Ώ

    There. That felt good.

  15. First of all, I’m single. However, what is the purpose of a “marriage retreat?”

  16. Is that Schaap’s wife at 3:18 in the purple sweater at right?

    The whole video is so sad. If those women could only speak their heart freely and openly.

  17. I realize this is an old thread, but I missed it first time around. It was a Random Post.


    I have no problem with marriage retreats, but if I hosted one it wouldn’t look like this. And I probably wouldn’t let anyone use the word “submission” in any classes/talks/forums/whatever you call them. Not that it isn’t Biblical, just that it is overused and taught wrong.

    I enjoyed the comments. Just about spewed coffee more than once. The last time we needed a retreat, I took the pop-up, the canoe, and Mrs. Wilver to Stephen Foster State Park in South Georgia. Paddling the CANOE (bunch o’ pervs……) and hiking through God’s beautiful creation does more for the marriage than dry pseudo-bible in a ballroom. Hmmmmmm. It may be time to plan another trip. I hear the Gulf Coast and the beach calling. We may even go into the water in non-fundy approved apparel.

Comments are closed.