87 thoughts on “Sermon Bingo”

        1. I’d be too scared that he might slap me! (Then again, I’m not a grandmother, so maybe I’d be safe.)

  2. Awesome Darrell, but thereÒ€ℒs not enough Γ’β‚¬ΛœbashingÒ€ℒ options on there. There should at least be bashing options for new-evangelicals, pentecostals, and the younger generation.

    1. oooh! oooh! And there need to be different versions of the Fundie Bingo. Like for Spirit-filled, Full Gospel Baptists, Nondenominational(alot like number one), and Pentacostals(or just have more boxes where you could make it one size fits all and all you have to do is switch out the name of the church)

      Also things that need to be added:

      -women’s role in the home/church

      -sexual purity(no making purple!)

      -Sermon on Alcohol(how evil it is)

      -sermon illustration which makes pastor/church look “super Godly” and regular christians/nonbelievers seem evil/demon possessed

      -Fake statistic

      it goes on….

  3. I triple dog dare someone to play this in a fundy church, stand up, and yell “Bingo!” (or one of the options listed above) when you win. πŸ™‚

    1. If you go to a church that the sermon can win you the game, no one’s going to even notice your “HAY-men” anyway…unless you’re a woman. Then there will be stares of scorn and probably a stern lecture from the “sacred desk.”

  4. In the Southern Baptist Church I used to go to, ten of these would definitely fit, with a few more taking on a more subtle tone, or mentioned only a few times over a pastor’s tenure.

    During a Fourth of July Sermon, “Christian Nation” would certainly be a central theme, but he would criticize both parties, while not mentioning what was wrong about The Republicans. To the pastor’s credit, on a particular Fourth of July Weekend service, twelve years ago, he did vaguely allude about an economic crisis, he said “It would make The Great Depression look like a picnic”. Ten years later, we came close to experiencing that, sort of.

    The previous pastor, would state that the Pro-Life cause was not a political issue because there are ” both Pro-Life Republicans and Democrats”. Which was true, but something else was strongly implied there.

    As was “I’m not telling you who to vote for . . . .”

    He did dismiss his Assistant Pastor for being a Calvinist, thought that Christians should more or less give up popular music forms (CCM music forms seemed okay), and he and his daughter thought that we were too passive towards our Catholic neighbors. I think they were experiencing a bit of culture shock, after leaving the Bible Belt.

  5. Everyone should be able to fill in the middle square within five minutes or it’s not a “real” fundamentalists sermon and the speaker is likely an apostate AMEN? (said with my hand to my ear while looking out to the crowd)

  6. Wait, this is rigged! One shout about how people should listen to the sacred desk instead of the gay Democrats and the game is over.

    Can I get an Amen?

  8. There needs to be a square for squeezing an additional sermon into the prayer before the offering (or the prayer after the regular sermon, or the prayer before the regular sermon, etc. etc.).

    2. I second that! They have journals at cafepress. You should put the bingo game on the front of one of those. That way people can play bingo while they’re pretending to take notes. πŸ˜‰

  10. I just had a vision of all the students during opening revival at Fundy U. secretly filling this out while pretending to take notes – and then someone standing up and shouting “Bingo” halfway through the service. Of course, at Fundy U. Florida that would be “disrupting a service” and the winner would be automatically shipped. πŸ™‚

    1. At Fundy U. Cali shouting during the service is a mark of spiritual maturity. “Bingo!” would go nicely with “Preach it, Brother!” and “Tree that coon!”

      1. “Tree that coon!”

        Seriously? People actually yell that out during sermons (excuse me, “sermons”)? 😯 Wow. That’s a new one for me!

  13. i did something like this in my church with my friends. it was with certain phrases my pastor would always say. he knew we did it and was cool with it so when i got bingo once i just said it out loud in service… he thought it was funny

  15. You need several sheets like this, Darrell. You forgot the classics “a woman’s place is in the home”, “separate”, “heathen”, and “brags on how he’s never strayed”.

    1. It would keep it from wondering and wandering! And if it kept it from wandering you might begin to wonder why you have been going to that church in the first place.

  20. you forget “talks about how the moment he got saved he fell in love with tithing, soulwinning, 7 services a week, prayer breakfasts, and tracts and if you were a true Christian, you would be too”. But I guess that’s a bit big to fit.

    1. Oh, how I’ve heard all those! *bangs head against desk* That could be summed up with “Brags about his superior spirituality.” (Or whatever the appropriate term would be; I think I may be losing my touch! *does a dance of joy* πŸ˜› )

  23. So a few switches on *my* fundy preach’s bingo board:
    Switch bashes calvinists with bashes existentialists and/or humanists. Switch “jokes about his wife” with “jokes about the congregation” (yep). Swicth “refers to America as a Christian Nation to refers to America as non existent within the prophecy (usually mention on Sunday evening newspaper prophecy hour(s).

  25. One of the best posts here so far!! LOL I was planning on avoiding attending my family’s fundy church next time I visited my hometown, but now I’m not sure if playing Fundy Bingo wouldn’t make it worthwhile!

      2. That is an AWESOME idea, I saw so many fundies and my former church playing with their phone during the sermons, they might as well play this! Especially the teens. It might help some escape sooner! Surely someone on this site is geeky enough to invent this, with the multiple cards. Winner of an idea! 😎

  28. BTW, the card really does lack the ubiquitous reference to the necessity of a woman to dress modestly. More pointedly, it ought to have a square about how women should not wear slacks. No matter what sermon Jeff Owens starts out preaching, that’s the sermon he always ends up preaching (unless he’s preaching about what a godly teenager/college student he was).

      1. Well, Bingo cards are mixed and matched. No two are supposed to be exactly alike. No single card has all the possible entries. So when you produce a set of them, that’s one that might even deserve to go into the center square…..

      2. I was thinking you could do topical Bingo cards: you know, one for “Modesty,” one for “Tithing,” “Haircuts,” “Revival…” since that’s how they preach anyway.

      3. Suggested additions for other Bingo cards:

        * Three to Thrive
        * Mentions the Building Program – again
        * Those ungodly students attending other colleges
        * Perversions (reference to modern versions, not naughty fundy pastors – obviously!)
        * Umbrella of Authority
        * Disses every other local church in the area
        * Preaches against eeeeeevil former members
        * Preaches about secondary separation
        * Says accreditation is wrong
        * Asks for another verse of “Just as I Am”

        1. To Dissing other churches, and secondary seperation were my churches/schools faves, and some of the easiest to debunk.

  29. I guess our church isn’t as fundy as I thought. I played this game this morning during the sermon (it was actually a pretty good sermon, too!), and I only got one space. He asked for an Amen.

  31. As I randomly decided to attend my old IFB church today, I decided to do this this evening. Granted, I didn’t have a hard copy, but I just remembered what I could and then filled it in at home. Had 3 going two ways! I think if I go again, then I should have a few hard copies. AND if I decide to torture myself at a men’s retreat at the end of this month, I should take a few to see if I can at least win a few times!! πŸ˜›

  32. Darrell,
    The only real “BINGO” problem I see with this card is that there is no free space. The center square should be a free space just for knowingly and willingly attending an IFB or other Fudny service.

  34. Anybody good with writing code that could randomly generate cards to make this into a working game? I can’t say that I ever relish crossing the threshold into one of these places again but I know it’s probably inevitable after having spent the first 25 years of my life in one.

  37. I can’t seem to think of anything witty to say about anything lately (I think I also suffered from a sense-of-humour-eating bacterium) but I must make a matter-of-fact unfunny statement about this post:

    Since leaving fundyism, I had never had a desire to step foot inside a fundy church…until now. I would LOVE to print this out and bring it to one of those pastor’s-pet-peeve-bitching-and-yelling-sessions that they call a serman. There’s a fundy church that broadcasts its services early on sunday mornings. I might play this at home one day. It’ll have to be a day that I’m not going to my actual Church though, cause I’d probably be chuckling for days after playing this.

    Forgive my over-hyphenation.

    1. I am tempted to listen to a sermon from my old fundy church just to see how well it plays! I will make some adjustments ahead of time to use some of that lousy pastor’s pet phrases.

  40. Dude. Just not cool. I’m not a fundy, and yes there is a certain amount of ridiculousness to every belief system. But really?

    Would you like if someone made a bingo out of your words, then spun it to make you look like an idiot? (Well, you’ve made yourself look like a jerk already.)

    This is not the kind of stuff that build up America. Mean people suck.

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