Friday Challenge: SFL Halloween Party

We’re having a party at SFL today! Today’s challenge is to tell us what who you’re coming as and what your costume will be.

Feel free to pick either a real famous fundy or fundamentalist archetype such as pastor, preacher boy, or soulwinner.

Games will include a shouting contest and bobbing for prayer cards. A covered dish supper will follow.

297 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: SFL Halloween Party”

  1. I will be coming as Jack Chick. You won’t actually see me because I will be in hiding (or camouflage), but you will find my super freaky tracts littering the floors, the bar-stools, and sitting on top of the urinals.

    😈

      1. If my parents had read them all, they NEVER would have let me read them! I remember standing next to a revolving display stand in a Christian bookstore, reading Chick tract after tract, agog with the depictions of drunkards, murders, witches, and Satanists. To a kid raised without a TV, not allowed to go to movies, and who couldn’t read The Chronicles of Narnia because the word “witch” was in the title, these little tracts were EXCITING!

        1. Very true, pastor’s wife. I was the same way. No TV in my house, but I went to church and read those stupid Jack Chick tracts. They were ugly and alarming, and they sometimes caused me to have bad dreams. Surely my parents never read them. And probably the pastor of that sorry excuse for a church didn’t either. What lunacy.

    1. You and me both, sister! I was curious how well this topic would work, but if Darrell got as many laughs as I did, I suspect it cured whatever was/is illing him.

    1. We will have to be careful and make sure george supervises all “Hancock style Fundy Recto-cranial Maneuvers” to make sure no one is hurt and everyone is safely extracted at the end of the evening. this will require all insertees to use Preparation K-Y-H hair gell in their comb-overs, as well as wearing a proper Fundy tie (no clip-on allowed for this maneuver).
      All Fundy pastor types are reminded once your minion has been inserted to not make any sudden “left” turns as this has been known to cause severe neck trauma to the sycophants.

      1. The convenience of having our own expert at that is going to prove unspeakably beneficial with so many coming dressed with the need for cranial rectal implantation!

  2. Scorpio took my idea to come as John and wink wink nod nod everyone to death with my backhanded insults but instead i think i’ll come as Brother David Grice. I am renting a fat suit, shaving my head, and i’ve been practicing my effeminate tough man southern lisp all day.

  3. As Endora! Agnes Morehead’s grandfather was one of the editors of the original Scofield Bible. She left her large estate, Morehead Manor, to BJU when she died.

  4. I’m gonna dress as King James (the person, not the version), will be fully prepped this year for the post party gay pride day parade! I’d always forgotten the parade in years past!

    1. I’m going to be the rebel and not come as a famous fundy. Instead, I’m going to come as V from V for Vendetta. It won’t be Guy Fawkes, but it’s the thought that counts! However, I’ll pretend I am Guy Fawkes. That way, you won’t exist, and we could do away with many a fundy debate! πŸ˜€
      However, we’d be missing this awesome party…

  5. I’ll come as BJJr. I’ll wear a big orange robe with a heavy BJU bling medallion around my neck and big ring on my finger. I’ll alternate speaking Shakespearean monologues and calling famous women sluts. Then, just for kicks, I’ll ask God to smite down Hillary Clinton of the State Department. When all that fails, I’ll just start free associating and throwing out some Bible verses and poetry so people know how erudite and special I am. πŸ˜†

        1. That’s exactly what I’m thinking, but some places have a “must manipulate a passage” rule just to have the form of having said they used a passage even though everyone in attendance knows it wasn’t used remotely close to appropriately. Am still hoping for an official ruling from Darrell. Am thinking if it is required I’ll just claim something from Titus says public schools should require daily prayers from all students.

  6. Ideas I rejected:
    Balial’s donkey. My favorite animal in the Bible, but eating just hay and oats at the party would be a drag.
    Dorothy Day. Catholic, Marxist, AND female, she must be a fundy’s worst nightmare. But I’m not very good at cross-dressing.
    The Dog Jack Hyles Saved. Bugged out eyes and a swollen, purple tongue. A little too graphic if children might be at the party, though.
    A Woman Preacher. Same problem as Dorothy Day, though.
    Rock Music. Too easy.
    Demon Rum. Ditto.
    A Person Celebrating Gay Day, Pro-Abortion Day, and Halloween all at once. Not different enough from what I wear all the other days.

    So what, then?
    My wife likes it when we wear coordinated costumes, so I think I’ll be Billy Sunday and she can be Aimee Semple McPherson (OK, she wasn’t a Baptist, but still a Fundy).

  7. I am coming as Mr. Jack Daniels. You may show your approval by bringing your own glass. Darrell, lay in a goodly quantity of ice for those who don’t like it neat.

      1. This has Milli Vanilli written all over it. There is no piano. I stopped by a Halloween store today, and asked for the White Piano costume section, and the pointed me to the empty corner and swore they were over there!

        1. First you couldn’t see a white piano that was plainly visible, and now you’re seeing white pianos that aren’t there. 😈

        2. My friends are taking me on the annual snipe hunt tomorrow night! They all come back thrilled every year w/ all the snipes they’ve killed. I can’t see any of them either! πŸ™‚

        3. now I think our next party should be an organized white piano hunt. (with red herrings for all!)

  8. If my wife and I showed up to this Fundy party just as were are – we would still have the upper hand in creating scandal….a white man (me) and a woman of color. :mrgreen:

    1. Just make sure the clothes are good fundy attire, meaning a suit with a white shirt (bonus points if the suit looks like it belongs in Reminisce Magazine). Otherwise, the fundies might be suspicious.

    1. Oops. I see that I misspelled Ò€œdaughtersÒ€. Sorry about thatÒ€¦ wait, why am I apologizing? After all, I (as Jack Schaap) am a Mannagawd and therefore have no need to apologize. HAYMEN!

  9. If I can round up a couple of friends we’ll come as Peter Ruckman’s aliens: a blue one with a vial of blue “blood”, a black one with a vial of black “blood”, and a gray one with a vial of clear “blood”. If friends are otherwise occupied I’ll come as Janet Reno carrying a document entitled “1997 Government Mafia Hit List: Ruckman and Marrs.”

  10. You need some music at this party. I’ll be the traveling musical families. I can bring my 8 brothers and sisters. My mom plays the piano. Dad doesn’t sing, but that’s ok he planned to have a bunch of kids so we can raise all the money with our talent to support the family.

  11. I’ll get my husband to come and we’ll dress in our society gear and be a couple dating at BJU. We’ll keep a six-inch ruler between us, but we’ll periodically disappear behind a bush together.

    Then again, to truly terrorize all the fundies at the party, I might have to come as . . . . Darrell!!!!

  12. I’m going to come as “The Recorder”. I’ll be video taping all of your activities and recording the names of all the people you saved for evidence at the Bema Seat. Terrified now?

    1. Hmm, good idea, make sure it is someone from Slytherin so you get the evil snake reference in there. (personally I always wanted to be in Hufflepuff, nobody looked at you funny if you acted like an idiot :P)

  13. I am coming as a busybody, social-climbing member who parrots everything the pastor says and tells leadership every juicy piece of gossip about members of the congregation.

    “You know Gladys, Pastor always says “(insert inane statement)”

    Everytime I see a young person doing something I think Pastor would disapprove of, I will personally let them know….and their parents….and the pastor….and the youth pastor…and anyone else who will bend their ear in my general direction.

    😈

  14. My child has volunteered to be the official Church School Scapegoat. When the pastor’s son gets caught with porn along with a few other boys, mine will be the child who will get humiliated and expelled.

    I am thinking goat costume and scars…

    πŸ‘Ώ

      1. “goat costume and scars” πŸ˜₯ So sad but often so true despite the fact that the Bible tells us not to be a respector of persons.

        Your costume ideas for yourself and your child are spot on.

  15. I finally thought of my costume. I’ll be an “old-fashioned altar.” I’ll put a box of kleenex on one shoulder and a stack of decision cards on the other. If I can find some sawdust, I’ll put a trail down the front of my shirt.

  16. I think this is my third costume, but it is really fun. I think I’ll come as William Tyndale and stand behind Peter Ruckman and Jack Chick and assist them when they “bob” for prayer cards!

  17. My second Costume is….

    Darkness falls across the land
    The midnite hour is close at hand
    Creatures crawl in search of blood
    To terrorize y’awl’s neighborhood
    And whosoever shall be found
    Without the soul for getting down
    Must stand and face the hounds of hell
    And rot inside a corpse’s shell
    The foulest stench is in the air
    The funk of forty thousand years
    And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
    Are closing in to seal your doom
    And though you fight to stay alive
    Your body starts to shiver
    For no mere mortal can resist
    The evil of the thriller

    Michael Jackson 😈

    1. My oldest son had that on a CD a friend made for him. He played it in the car when we were doing errands and I heard that whole poem part for the first time last night. (After all, MJ was something ungodly kids listened to when I was growing up…)

      Choosing Vincent Price to recite that was pure genius.

    1. Enjoy your freedom in Christ! πŸ™‚ It’s OK if people want to hold different standards for themselves, but you are free, and no one can condemn you. Christ took our condemnation.

      My kids are going as a unicorn, a ninja, a cat, and a pirate.

  18. I’ve changed my mind. I will be a 5-point Calvinist by wearing antlers (5-pointer) and if I can convince my husband to come he’ll be a 4 or 6 -pointer or maybe a horrified fundy hunter.

  19. I think I’ll come as Jack Chick. (Nobody’s mentioned that have they?) I’ll bring a bucket load of cockamamy conspiracy theories and a team of “expert witnesses” who have done time for felonies. I won’t hand out candy but I’ll give you a comic book that’ll give you nightmares. Baphomet anyone?

    Or maybe I’ll come as a Harvest Festival since Halloween is worldly.

    Or I’ll come as Kent Hovind’s taxes.

    Or one of the Dispensations.

  20. This whole topic/challenge was THE FUNNIEST I have read. You all thought up awesome costumes!! Cute. That is a party I would go to. Maybe I can come as an NIV version of the Bible to horrify all the attending funds!

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