As I’ve been hearing about the whole Koran-burning craziness going on down in Florida (by the way, what is it with Florida and religious crazies?) I’ve been at least thankful that for once it isn’t the Baptists giving Christianity a big black eye. Then I got the chance to read the Dove World Outreach Center’s Academy Handbook and I realized that they’re not as far off the fundy path as all that.
Rules for students include:
– The student is responsible to share the gospel with one person every day
– No eating out in restaurants (this is how we know they’re not Baptists) All students are also weighed weekly to make sure they’r reaching their “weight goals.”
– No visiting with family or receiving visits with no exceptions for weddings, funerals, or birthdays.
– Showers are to be between 5 and 7 minutes.
– No Romantic Relationships between students of the opposite sex. (Do I detect a huge loophole there?)
Draconian would seem to be an apt description. Or what the Roloff Homes would call “At least a good start…”
There’s really too much here to catalog all of it. After some special music, the pastor starts out by claiming to have gotten his message straight from God while driving down the highway reading his Bible (yes, you read that right), then there’s lionization of patriotism as the ultimate in Christian virtue, sales pitch for the pastor’s book, random congregational pledge to the flag, and then…well…it just gets fun from there.
(Yes, this is the entire sermon, I felt like editing it down would ruin the overall feel of it. Feel free to stop at whatever point you actually start to get physically ill.)
