43 thoughts on “Attendence To Special Meetings”

  1. “Three to thrive” is a lie! You’re actually wanted in your place every single time the doors are open. This tends to be more than three times per week, given visitation, revivals, etc.

  2. My interpretive dance would be sitting silently w/ your hands by your side King James Bible open on lap, and occasionaly HAY-MEN yell, but only at such time as the preacher doth require it. That might be more performance art than interpretive dance, but I think it’s perectly sums it up, and would have to be performed for 6 to 8 consecutive days while ignoring family emergencies & cancelling previously planned events to make attenDANCE.

  3. Then there was the church that proudly proclaimed they were family oriented and expected Deacon Smith” to be at the & am Sunday prayer meeting, SS, AM service, afternoon nursing home service, choir practice, evening service, Monday night deacon meeting, Tuesday night visitation, Wednesday night prayer meeting (where no one prayed), Thursday night babysitting the kids while the Mrs. goes to ladies’ fellowship, Friday night youth group, Saturday morning men’s prayer breakfast followed by more visitation.

  4. @Tikatu: let’s see. I’ve been through the entire series multiple times in both hard copy and audiobook. I’ve watched all the movies at least twice each, have gone to midnight showings for the last two (at the evil theater) and intend to do so for both parts of the last one. Yeah, I think that makes me a Harry Potter fan. 😉 I also like to listen to rock. I’m such a heathen.

    @Dan: you’re talking to a bunch of ex-dispies (and probably a few current dispies as well). What do you expect? 😛

  5. How is Sesame Street “gay”? C’mon, Bert and Ernie are two roommates that teach children about sharing. Oh, the bathtub scenes? Nevermind …

  6. @Rob: Rap probably fits in with rock, though I’ve never heard a fundy argue that rap is satanic the way rock supposedly is. I sweated over this thing and eventually had to leave some archenemies out–hence the “simplified field guide.” 😉

  7. @Don NICE! Man of God is right where he should be, direct horizontal relationship to God himself, the center of the churches life, and the final authority in all things! 🙂 It’s a shame Scripture never set that system up, seems to work pretty well for the happy fundys! 🙂

  8. @Jordan, I just felt left. Rock is good, so I suppose I still qualify as a Satanist, and it’s comforting to know the odds are rap falls in one of the satanist overlaps! 🙂

  9. @Rob: Yeah, I figured the Pope’s gayness would be implicit in his status as head of all Catholic priests, fundy opinions of whom are clear and frequently voiced.

    @Don: Love the “cloud of witnesses” and the direct correlation of the Man of God with God!

  10. @Jordan: That chart is amazing. I believe I’ve heard sermons that mentioned Sesame Street, boy bands, and the Pope all under one point.

    Great thread.

  11. Thanx Jordan…. “The Man of God” insisted that I make his billing a larger and bolder font as well.
    btw, I like the SFL Shot glass Idea and maybe some KJVO beer glasses as well. We have all been in the Fundy, “God Marketing” schemes before so surely we could market this stuff out the wahzoo. Probably raise enough to pay for publishing Darrell’s SFL book as well… hummmmm. What say ye?

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