Ron Hamilton

patchWhether it’s tapes from Patch the Pirate or the yearly Christmas cantata where someone dies, Ron Hamilton and his company, Majesty Music, have an honored place in fundamentalism.

After losing his eye, Ron Hamilton girded up his fundamentalist loins, donned an eye patch, and and took on the persona of “Patch the Pirate”, a hero who sailed the seas with his crew of kids and assorted talking animals, learning good moral lessons, and singing catchy tunes.

Strangely, although some of his tunes are pulled almost straight out of secular songs, Ron’s music is still quite popular in fundamentalist circles. He’s even called to teach at the Hyles Anderson Pastor’s School. It doesn’t get much more fundy than that.

But no matter what else he has done or will do, Ron Hamilton will always bear the distinction of being the man who wrote the song I Want To Marry Daddy When I Grow Up, the creepiest fundamentalist children’s song ever penned. And that’s quite something.

27 thoughts on “Ron Hamilton”

  1. my brothers and I owned every last one of those (yellow) cassette tapes. I remember the 1st time we got a CD…it was big stuff. I don’t know how my mother handled listening to them over and over again….

  2. I love visiting this site. Makes me laugh every time I drop by. I remember being the guest preacher at a fundie church on Father’s Day and the special music was a group of little girls singing “I Want to Marry Daddy”. It was beyond creepy!

    1. Y’all tried to warn me, but I had to go and Google “I Want to Marry Daddy When I Grow Up.” Yikes!! I think I’m creeped out for life now. 😯

    1. That brings up what I’ve come to think of as the Pirate Problem. I admit that pirates get to wear some cool outfits and have cool ships, and all, but they are, by definition, terrorists whose occupation is robbing and murdering people. How did pirates get to be “safe” and cute characters for family consumption? (I don’t mean just in Fundyland, but in our larger culture as well.)

      1. Yeah, what does the young pirate-in-training’s mom ask every night? “How’s my little raper and pillager doing today?”

  3. Hahaahahaha!!! I had every single tape of his and I LOVED them!!!! The singing got annoying once in a while, but the stories were really good and funny!

    One of my fav songs- “I demand the perfect cookie, serve it upon a silver tray. It must be the perfect cookie, fit for a king in every way…” from a Christmas one I don’t remember the title of….

    I think my fave was Camp Kukawaka Woods with Who Flung Chow the camp cook!!!! Talk about racial profiling!

  4. The joke around the BJU Faculty was that the next up-and-coming PtP “tape” would be “Patch the Pirate Goes to Hell.”

    Good times.

  5. I remember that song! My friend (a boy) sang it to his dad at 6 yrs old, figuring his dad would enjoy hearing the touching PTP song. Let’s just say his dad wasn’t thrilled. 🙂 Oh, Fundamentalism.

  6. My grandkids have all the old tapes, confiscated by their dad! One of the new ones scared my grandson so much they had to quit playing it…..made me wonder.
    Someone at Faith Bible College (IA) said that someone who “creates” so much music after a while it all starts to sound the same. @Camille, you are so funny!

  7. I started to let my kids listen to the tapes in the car. After listening to Patch the Pirate again after years away from I couldn’t stand listening to the tapes. I used to like the stories. But I have adopted internationally 2x. I couldn’t stand the racial profiling in the stories. My Word! Every ethnicity and living standards are stereotyped and made fun of. It really grated on me. I want my kids to be proud of their ethnicity, of all people they shouldn’t have to hear Christians making fun of them!! Something that fundies often fall back on for cheap humor, skits about “Chinese or Japanese guys” or “dumb” lower IQ people. And you wonder why only white people are in those churches!

    1. Oh, no, I never wonder. I have only known personally one fundy pastor, now in Heaven, who lovingly welcomed a racially-mixed couple into the church, AND they were low-income, so his welcome was not money-based. Otherwise, there are racists out there in some of those fundy pulpits. The late Bob Kelly, at that time the pastor of Franklin Road Baptist Church in Murfreesboro, TN, refused to baptize a racially- mixed couple, and told them not to come back. 🙄

  8. Oh Ron Hamilton, Majesty Music, the Garlocks…all visited our church several times while I was there–preaching on the “evils” of rock music and especially of “Christian rock” music. That’s the devil’s music with God’s words, ya know. 🙄 P.S. For better or worse, the song “Jonah” is forever burned into my brain.

  9. I’m glad I never got my kids to like Patch the Pirate, I heard a couple of songs once or twice and saw him in person and the whole thing just didn’t sit well with me. I will always prefer Veggy Tales. Plus, it is disgusting the way fundys have their pet musicians and shamelessly promote their stuff as the only “God -honoring” materials. 😡

  10. Okay, when hearing about Patch the Pirate, my first thoughts are more like “Ooooooh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?”

    I’ve seen several reference on the SFL site about “Patch the Pirate” and from the sound of it, glad I never was exposed to that, esp if it’s as bad as most children’s Xtian programs (both Protestant and Catholic, trust me.

  11. My husband and I were out on our kayaks the other day and I started singing “floatin’ down the Misterslippy” Those songs are forever burned into my memory. Lol!

  12. I have been listening to Patch the Pirate since I was a little kid. I hate hearing people say things about Ron Hamilton being racist, and that being a Pirate figure is horrible. Ron Hamilton is not racist, and the only reason he is a Pirate figure is because of his eye patch, which is only there because he lost is eye due to cancer in his 20’s. People get all mad about his song “I Want To Marry Daddy”; I think that is is RIDICULOUS to get mad over that! It’s a song to be sung by a young child. Its a cute song, and it wasn’t meant to be anything else. If your really want to hear his REAL music, go to this link:

    Listen to these songs, and you will realize the real Christian that Ron Hamilton really is!

    1. Amen!! I grew up listening to Patch the Pirate and now my children are doing the same. God bless the Hamilton family!! They are what real Christianity is all about.

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