Nothing is more bizarre to the outside observer of fundamentalism than seeing two fundies who have almost come to blows because each believes that the other is not a “true fundamentalist.” In fact, it’s every bit as fascinating as watching two Trekkies argue over the design of an anti-matter drive. Not only is it impossible to win such a fight but it wouldn’t really matter even if you did.
The list of tests of true fundamentalism has become quite lengthy over the year and gathered to itself more than a little weirdness. Questioning a person’s fundamentalist credibility may involve asking things such as… Has any child of theirs ever worn their baseball cap backwards? Have they ever had a face lift? Does their church’s hymnbook remove the word ‘worm’ from the first verse of At the Cross? Have they been observed at the mall walking in rhythm with the rock music playing? Then they may not be a true fundamentalist.
Do they believe that Jesus had a belly button? Do they not believe that Cain had one? Are they waiting for a mid-trib rapture? Do they believe Revelation 2 and 3 might just be talking about churches instead of church ages? Do they allow canned music in their services? They’re obviously too liberal to be a true fundamentalist.
Indeed, there are only true fundamentalists left: me and thee. And I have my doubts about thee.
8 thoughts on “Claiming to be the Last True Fundamentalists”
“The list of tests of true fundamentalism has become quite lengthy over the year and gathered to itself more than a little weirdness. Questioning a personâ€™s fundamentalist credibility may involve asking things such asâ€¦ Has any child of theirs ever worn their baseball cap backwards?”
I guess I probably should keep secret my intention to switch my party affiliation to independent. ;o)
Better still, how many say “We are the ONLY IFB church in the entire county”. Even worse, I had one say: “Our church is the only IFB church in the entire Upper Peninsula of Michigan. Please, spare the drama and the big talk.
Is that church sign real? Someone actually put that sign in front of their church?
No, the sign is from a church sign generator site that has provided me with countless hours of amusement.
Thanks. I’d seen several that made me think “these just have to be photoshopped”. Just wanted to check. Thanks for the update.
Did Cain have one… oh wow. I know where that came from. I’ve heard some teach that Eve gave birth out of a pocket in the side of her body and it was painless.
The painless bit I don’t doubt, but popping a baby out of a little side pocket is a bit weird.
I’ve never met such a fundamentalist that I know of. That would be of the sort that manufactures, mixees and drinks the koolaid.
Oh, BRO. I’m sure you had by then. If not, you’ve surely known them by now.