Why Don't Single Men Go to Church?

[UptownHippie]

I want to know this. Married men go to church ... why don't single men? Has no one told them there are single women there?

But seriously ... Why?

[Katerpillar]

I've seen several single men attend church. They just aren't always good matches with the single women that are there.

[TomK]

Because most of them are going to Mark Driscoll's church or they're playing WoW.

[IFB No More]

Here's a video response from Mark Driscoll.




State your disagreements/agreements.
Posting this video does not imply endorsement.

[pastor's wife]

We had maybe 50 people out Sunday morning and several of them were single men. (Then again, we have no other families besides ourselves with both mom and dad and elementary age children. That makes me sad for my kids but happy for those our church is reaching.)

[chris1000bc]

(04-05-2011 11:23 PM)UptownHippie Wrote:  Married men go to church ... why don't single men?

I cannot speak for others, but I can tell you why I did not go. I did not see much reason to go and did not have much desire to go. The church I was attending seemed to be the best church in my area. I agreed with the pastor's doctrine, standards, preaching style overall, and so on. This was important because most churches in my area seem to be very fundy or hold to different doctrine than me.

Still, I had to drive thirty minutes one way to get there. The music was very traditional and some of the songs I was unfamiliar with even though I had been in similar Baptist churches all my life. There were very few single people there my age so it was difficult for me to make friends my age. Also, I could get the preaching online so it felt like I could get everything I was getting from going to church from my computer if I wanted to. I think all of these factors included with four years of bad preaching at pcc made me desire to sit in a church service listening to preaching less.

I admit that these are not the only reasons I did not attend. I think that attending church to some degree (not necessarily every time the doors are open) is a good thing for a Christian. We are meant to be in community with each other. Still, I think there was a coldness in my heart to the things of God in addition to these other factors.

I am just now starting to attend more regularly. My brother recommended a church with better doctrine, better music, and more people in my age group. I have been two weeks in a row and plan to continue going regularly. I realize there is no perfect church and that if I go to this one only for the music or to meet people in my age group, I may be disappointed. I am trying to focus on worship through the service and making friends when possible (everyone there has been really nice).

I am sure there are other single young men that have their own reasons for not going to church but these are most of mine.

[Josh]

There are very few single men my age (20's) at my church. There are just as few single ladies.

One reason is probably because this is a rural town with very few jobs. I "got lucky" (?) and found a job here after graduation; on the other hand, most of my peers never came back after finishing college.

Another reason may be that my church cares very little for the worship style that appeals to most of my generation. We have mostly traditional music, played funeral-organ style, with one "contemporary" song that's at least 30 years old thrown in to make us think we're being relevant. The senior leadership thinks we should pretty much just keep doing what we've been doing, so I doubt things will get any better for my age group in the near future.

[pastor's wife]

On the practical side, singles and young people are still growing and choosing who they want to be; thus they tend to be uncommitted to a particular church body in both attendance and in financial support. It's very difficult to build a church around a group of people who may or may not show up or who often give sporadically if at all.

Older folks tend to faithfully attend and to tithe. Does this make them more spiritual? No! Does this make it easier to plan the church budget? Yes!

Really large churches probably don't have to worry about this that much, but small churches of under 100 people are already on a shoestring. If they alienate their older folks and the old folks leave, the church is left struggling to pay for the building and the pastor. (Of course, that gets into another whole discussion about whether buildings or full-time pastors are necessary. They're not, but if you want a pastor who can meet you for lunch and have personal one-on-one counseling and discipleship, he can't be working a 40 hour week at another job just to support his family. If he's doing that, he won't be able to be doing all the other things churches tend to want their pastors to do.)

Ideally, everyone would give cheerfully as they were led, there would be enough money to pay the pastor and the bills and support missionaries and give to the poor, and worship would be vibrant and meaningful to both old and young. (For example, continuing to sing some hymns but using more instruments and singing like Psalms tells us to: loudly, passionately, and joyfully!)

Sometimes it's a vicious circle: the old folks give money but won't let anything change, while young folks don't want to stay because they find few friends there and the worship style irrelevant, but they don't support the church, thus making the leadership feel that changing to please the younger crowd "wouldn't be worth it." Without humility, patience, and (dare I say it) compromise, small churches are in a bind.

[IFB No More]

I say this as a young 20-something guy who's a fish outta water, attending a small conservative church, and who also happens to be the youngest member there (as of now). Some of you know my doctrine and lifestyle views may differ quite a bit from them. I don't ask for contemporary worship; in fact I think that deliberately making worship "culturally relevant" without prior consultation and just to win the youth won't work and has little biblical basis. What, raise the kids in Hillsong and Casting Crowns, and then expect them to switch to Isaac Watts or Kristyn Getty when they hit 20? Not happening.

The key issue with people like me is when I judge a church - do you take the Gospel of Christ seriously? I ask this not from a textbook fundy or "evangelical" definition, which is to preach the Gospel etc. For a church to take the Gospel of Christ seriously means Christian witness in all spheres of life, be it the sacred or the secular. It means to love one another and encourage one another to grow in the faith based on our MUTUAL faith in the Gospel rather than our interests, our political affiliations, our dress, music, drinker or teetotaler, blablabla. The church is not a social club or entertainment venue - I already have that outside so why do I need it in church?

Christ transcends every barrier and generation. Based on Him, not based on each other (us human beings). Different people with very different likes and dislikes, yet something brings them together. This is the love I want to see in more evangelical churches, not more consumerist prosperity-gospel megachurches, not more moralistic fundy churches, and not more soup-kitchen-social work-only churches or suburban middle-class country-clubs.

[oneflewoutofthecuckcoosnest]

David Murrow wrote a book entitled Why Men Hate Going to Church where he addresses this issue.