Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?

[elfdream]

Parents should never say anything negative about their daughter's appearance. I'm not talking about what she is wearing. If you think something is immodest or inappropriate say so but I'm speaking of calling her 'fat' face or 'skinny' even as a joke. If she needs to loose weight let the doctor tell her. Criticizing her in any way shape or form if she isn't physically perfect. Dad's should take note of this. We sometimes think its always mom who beats a daughter down in this way but believe it or not there are unthinking dads who also do that.

I remember hearing talk show host Jennie Jones say that it was her father constantly telling her to wear a sweater because it was embarrassing to be seen with her because she wasn't so well endowed up top. That led to surgery after surgery until she realized it was because dad didn't accept her the way she was, she couldn't accept herself. Accept her even if she's not a beauty queen.

My husband followed my advice and we have the most confident self assured non-self critical daughter around. She never sits around and picks at her appearance. When we get together its all about what we are reading or what movie we have seen...or life in general.

And that goes to women getting together and talking nothing but hair and make up and how much they have to lose. Its fine if you are at a Mary Kay event or a Weight Watchers meeting or whatever but there is so much more going on in the world than what you think you need to look like.
I never talk about that sort of thing unless asked directly (Where do you get your hair cut?) but then I try to steer the conversation to something else. Some women find that they can talk about nothing else because they assumed that is what women do when they get together. Trash themselves. I was reading through a book by Patty Boyd (She was a model who was married to Beatle George Harrison and rocker Eric Clapton). She said that even when beautiful MODELS get together they do the exact same thing. These are women who can get any man they want and are constantly being told how beautiful they are. They still moan over their perceived physical faults just like us 'regular' women and its not out of false modesty. They believe all that about themselves.


Its really sad and not at all necessary and could all be prevented if we just think about what we are doing and saying.

[amyrose5]

(07-20-2011 06:34 AM)elfdream Wrote:  And that goes to women getting together and talking nothing but hair and make up

You can talk about that without trashing yourself or anyone else. It's kind of unfair to assume that no one can. And taking some of the fun out of being girly.

[Mommy2Kids]

My 5 year old daughter told me one day that she thought her belly was too fat. (She's NOT.) I told her first that I LOVE her belly, and second that healthy bodies have to have some fat on them, and that if she ever gets too fat, I'll let her know. She seems to be ok now.

She did tell me that there are some girls at her ballet who are not healthy because they don't have any fat. But to the credit of her ballet teacher, there are several overweight girls in her ballet company who are treated the same as everyone else.

This year she asked for a bikini swimsuit, which I told her won't ever happen. I want her to look like a little girl as long as she can, and am very picky about what she wears. I shop the sales at name brand stores online, so she always has NICE clothes. But we do talk about modesty often.

[elfdream]

(07-20-2011 08:59 AM)amyrose5 Wrote:  

(07-20-2011 06:34 AM)elfdream Wrote:  And that goes to women getting together and talking nothing but hair and make up

You can talk about that without trashing yourself or anyone else. It's kind of unfair to assume that no one can. And taking some of the fun out of being girly.

Like I said there is a time and a place for it and I applaud any group of women who can do that without getting down on themselves.

Not every woman is a 'girly' girl. I'm afraid I didn't cultivate a lot of women friends in the fundie churches I attended because they had odd restrictive ideas about what was feminine and what was not. The most 'real' friends I have made are Scouter women and Tolkien fans because I pretty much live outside the box....although I'm starting to make some women friends in the Catholic Church.

Sorry..didn't mean to derail the thread!

[grace2live]

Well, if we're going to derail . . . at our church, when women get together the conversation often turns to birth stories. What was labor like with this one, did we use painkillers or go all natural, that sort of thing. And we are by no means a Quiverfull type of church! Most women in my church work full time outside the home, it's not like children are our only reason for existence. But almost every time, as the conversation progresses, somebody will start to mention something about the food they craved when they were pregnant for the second time, and then it's game on!

[laurat99]

(07-20-2011 09:51 PM)grace2live Wrote:  Well, if we're going to derail . . . at our church, when women get together the conversation often turns to birth stories. What was labor like with this one, did we use painkillers or go all natural, that sort of thing. And we are by no means a Quiverfull type of church! Most women in my church work full time outside the home, it's not like children are our only reason for existence. But almost every time, as the conversation progresses, somebody will start to mention something about the food they craved when they were pregnant for the second time, and then it's game on!

It always devolves into a game of "Topper," doesn't it?

[elfdream]

OB stories are women's war stories. I never joined in because I was unworthy- and I had a thing about frightening any young woman without children who might be listening.

Sort of like men and sports. My husband hates that. He doesn't mind talking about what went right and wrong with last night's game but he can't stand it when its all men can talk about every time they are together.

What is it with all of us?

[JordanMaria]

(07-21-2011 06:19 AM)laurat99 Wrote:  

(07-20-2011 09:51 PM)grace2live Wrote:  Well, if we're going to derail . . . at our church, when women get together the conversation often turns to birth stories. What was labor like with this one, did we use painkillers or go all natural, that sort of thing. And we are by no means a Quiverfull type of church! Most women in my church work full time outside the home, it's not like children are our only reason for existence. But almost every time, as the conversation progresses, somebody will start to mention something about the food they craved when they were pregnant for the second time, and then it's game on!

It always devolves into a game of "Topper," doesn't it?

It's terrible, but this is why I prefer hanging out with guys instead of girls. I can't stand the constant struggle to be on top. If someone mentions a deal they got on shoes, someone else has to mention a BETTER deal. I knew a girl who constantly had to be better at EVERYTHING, even illness. If I mentioned I wasn't feeling well, she'd say that she was feeling worse and blah blah blah. It really drove me insane. You really couldn't have a conversation with her because she would try to 1 up everything that came out of your mouth.

Guys may be goofy but they sure are a lot more fun.

[elfdream]

(07-21-2011 07:18 AM)JordanMaria Wrote:  

(07-21-2011 06:19 AM)laurat99 Wrote:  It always devolves into a game of "Topper," doesn't it?

It's terrible, but this is why I prefer hanging out with guys instead of girls. I can't stand the constant struggle to be on top. If someone mentions a deal they got on shoes, someone else has to mention a BETTER deal. I knew a girl who constantly had to be better at EVERYTHING, even illness. If I mentioned I wasn't feeling well, she'd say that she was feeling worse and blah blah blah. It really drove me insane. You really couldn't have a conversation with her because she would try to 1 up everything that came out of your mouth.

Guys may be goofy but they sure are a lot more fun.

Men do that too...at least in my experience. Some of them have to vie for the spot of alpha male in any conversation but for the most part I would rather hang out with them too...but then again I had no sisters growing up, just brothers. I'm sort of used to it.

[amyrose5]

(07-21-2011 07:18 AM)JordanMaria Wrote:  II knew a girl who constantly had to be better at EVERYTHING, even illness. If I mentioned I wasn't feeling well, she'd say that she was feeling worse and blah blah blah. It really drove me insane. You really couldn't have a conversation with her because she would try to 1 up everything that came out of your mouth.

I went to college with that woman.

(Seriously, is her name Steph? We used to say around our dorm that it wouldn't matter if your entire family was killed by a serial killer and their bodies lost to an avalanche in July....Steph's day was worse)

The trick is not to hang out with the "toppers" whether their lives are better or worse than yours. Not all women are like that. A pet peeve of mine is women trashing on each other; society (and some churches) trash on us enough. We need to lay off of each other. There are plenty of petty guys out there, too. Just because you haven't encountered them doesn't mean the whole gender is relationally superior to ours.