De-Programming

[IFB No More]

For those who want to quit fundy-ism and not just IFB-dom and find some good Christian support, I suggest you guys join a inter-denom Christian group or other similar events if you can. Do not be afraid to visit other churches. Fundy-ism and its deriavatives hate it you do those things because they're obsessed about the LOCAL church as a whole. I'm not saying you neglect the local church but once you put your eyes on them only, it is an easy way to spiritual pride and separatism from others.

I did that and it really opened my eyes to people from other churches and views towards things. We have people adequately represented from most denoms - we even have a Roman Catholic who strangely chose to join us instead of the Catholic group.

There is unity in diversity!

[Exfundy_Philosopher]

Don's right. I exposed myself to the non-fundy world by going to school. However, there are plenty of opportunities to meet non-fundies or even (gasp!) non-Christians. You can join a class (exercise, arts & crafts, etc.). Or perhaps you could attend regular local events (out here in St. Louis a lot of the bars and restaurants have "trivia nights" in which you are teamed up with random people).

However, I don't think that finding opportunities is the most difficult part of the process. In my case, it was actually developing the ability to actually interact with different people that I found to be the most difficult. It's hard -- after being raised a fundy -- to meet new people without coming across as "Hey, I'm ______ and I'm a Christian. Do you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior?" Initially, it was also difficult for me to hide my shock/uncomfortableness when I was confronted with people and behaviors that contradicted my fundy background.

[Smith]

It took me about 20 years to deprogram. Like Jenn, it took me a nervous breakdown in front of my wife and wondered outloud why God hated me so much. Then, out of no where, I read John 9 and observed the outright undeserved compassion Jesus had on the blind man, how He was willing to heal him because he needed it. THAT fueled my recovery---I read the gospels and the sermon on the mount over and over again how JESUS CARED for EVERYONE. It took about a month or two of this before my terror of God turned into hatred for the Fundy Machine and how it destroys EVERYONE it comes in contact with eventually.

[JimE]

6 years, I'm still working on it.
I had to recognize that God loves others as much as he loves me. I had to recognize that Bible knowledge does not equate to theological, spiritual, social, moral or ethical understanding. I had to learn to look others in the eye, and see myself. The best deprogramming starts on your knees. When you are proud, remember that God loves others far beyond anyone's imagination. When you are defeated, depressed, remember that God loves you far beyond anyone's imagination.

[captain_solo]

(01-04-2011 10:00 PM)nomiekh86 Wrote:  Before I say anything else, I wonder... Has anyone read "The Shack"? What did you think of it? It changed my perspective of God and reality... many preconceived notions I had held for years are being pulled out, examined and torn apart. It's a very good feeling.

Learning to live the great commandments (Luke 10:27) is is how I am coping... and not just coping, but living in expectancy of joy and love of this very moment. God is so good. While I am still hearing accusing voices in my head and am still catching myself judging people (and myself!) harshly, I am thankful I have come from where I have. I was three years in an IFB church as a child... my family left right before a storm broke in the church (which then split in half). We were ostracized. Only a two or three of our friends would speak to us and they were criticized severely for doing so. My father was desperately hurt by this and when the situation in the church was brought to light, he felt justified in reacting badly. This resulted in a patriarchal home in which we had few friends, many standards, etc, etc, loads of complacency and self loathing... and above all, a twisted perspective of God. They say that the most effective lie is 99% truth. I believe it.

But good has come out of it for me. I understand people better, I think. I am burdened to love them more. I find myself very hesitant to judge because I abhor the hypocrisy that always seems to accompany human judgement. Instead, I am learning about discernment and love. I am in love with love. I am in love with joy and happiness. I am in love with forgiveness. It is very true that each day brings a new challenge and understanding of God but I am finding that seeking truth and living in joy can cover a lot of bases.

God's love is unceasing, unlimited... It can be found anywhere, any time... in any person who wants it.

Not for that we have dominion over your faith, but are helpers of your joy: for by faith ye stand. (2 Cor. 1:24)

The Shack was a pr etty amazing read. I didn't come to exactly the same conclusions about God that the author did, but he asks ALL the right questions, many questions that are not allowed in fundy circles. Questions about how does the trinity really work, where is God when there is suffering in the world, etc.

The section where Mack is asked to judge in the place of God is such a powerful illustration of what we do when we question God's goodness or his sovereignty - I was genuinely changed by the amount of Bible study that the questions asked in this book drove me to.

to all who talked about reading the Bible - its pretty amazing to me that most of the foundational change that happened in my heart happened from reading the scriptures. Romans, Hebrews, John, Job. These books absolutely changed my viewpoint of God, Jesus, the incarnation, my own condition and how God fixed it.

[bean]

I am halfway through the Shack and am loving it. Not normally a fiction reader. I couldn't put it down.

Very strange circumstances..I had read a few posts about it and was about to go find it in a library. I found it ON MY COFFEE TABLE. I kid you not.

It seems my SIL had sent it to my wife in a box several months ago and my wife had been reading it too!

[Presbygirl]

@Don. With your fabulous sense of humor and your vast life experiences, you should be running a de-programming camp!!!

@PW. With all the reading you've done and the "new thirst" for life you have, anyone would be happy to spend time with you!

Just be yourselves, and invite someone to grab a sandwich or take a walk with you...You two are wonderful people who have so much to offer.

I've found that very few people want to know about my "religion." But they always want to know why I am hopeful about the future.

*****This message brought to you by a natural EXTROVERT***** If you have been created an INTROVERT, your Outreach may look different*****

[zeusTHEgoose]

Hi, my name is Zeus, and I'm a recovering fundyholic (two years)

Though I'm out of the Fundy church, the influence is definitely strong within me, especially amongst my family. I come from a line of pastors and missionaries to Various parts of Mexico, and given my "talent" for preaching (which, in all honesty was merely an arrogant love for attention fueled by the power of the pulpit), everyone one and their pet rat encouraged me to follow in the footsteps of those set before me. My mother was the biggest supporter of this career path and resorted to a weird combination of motherly encouragement (chock full of baby stories and parental "observations" throughout the years) and guilt tripping. It was horrible. I felt like I was having a juicy affair behind my church family's back with my true passions (I'm very creative and dabble in various mediums such as writing, audio mixing, acting, and film.)

Eventually, I pulled up my 32X32 dress slacks and told my pastor I was changing churches. He wasn't rash, but he did take the opportunity to accuse me of rebellion.

Why?

Because 1) I didn't wear a tie to every service and 2) my curly hair came a little off the ears.

Ignore the fact I went to church nearly every service save the times I was sick and I taught children's Sunday School. *Facepalm*

Anyways, two years later I still feel random pangs of guilt when I do many things like utter a curse word when I stub my toe or listen to Skrillex while writing a story for Creative Writing 150, but its the friends I've made in my new church that help me believe that I'm not a monster, but a follower of Jesus still under construction.

If I could make one suggestion to anyone though, I would say find a mentor. I have one who makes me cry with joy almost every time we meet because the truth of the grace of God I learn from him is like a crisp waterfall cascading over my cracked heart.

[EmilyKing]

I went to boot camp less than a week after graduated HAC. I'll call that the Express Deprogramming Method.
(Then again, I went to public school as a kid, so I wasn't completely blind to the outside world.)

[bean]

(01-05-2012 06:04 PM)zeusTHEgoose Wrote:  Anyways, two years later I still feel random pangs of guilt when I do many things like utter a curse word when I stub my toe or listen to Skrillex while writing a story for Creative Writing 150, but its the friends I've made in my new church that help me believe that I'm not a monster, but a follower of Jesus still under construction.

If I could make one suggestion to anyone though, I would say find a mentor. I have one who makes me cry with joy almost every time we meet because the truth of the grace of God I learn from him is like a crisp waterfall cascading over my cracked heart.

Zeus...
I love the "follower of Jesus still under construction" and I also really love what you said about the truth of the grace of God..SO well said.
I've learned so much in the past few days. God IS love..period..grace abounding beyond our wildest imagination...No qualifications.