Are your old fundy friends still your friends?

[leaving]

Today is one of my more upset days. My best friend and I were doing great just going along with life. Then drama happened at church that had nothing to do with her, but she would have heard gossip about it. She promised to call, or write me back about some of the things that went down, and I waited two weeks. Then I emailed again, inviting her to go out to eat with me for my birthday. She didn't respond. I then offered her some stuff I thought she'd actually want, and got no response. So I emailed her again and asked her what was up. She claims that nothing anyone said at church affected her, but that since I had different beliefs now I was better off with a friend who believed the same, and that she was done, and that was it. I'd been going down that road for about a year, and she knew it, and even agreed with some of it. Even though we didn't agree on everything I had respect for her and I wanted HER as my friend, because of the beautiful person she is. It's almost as if right about when we stopped attending that church that something inside her snapped and turned her in the fundie direction again instead of away from it like she had been going.

She's the most beautiful person and I miss her every day. I don't understand why it had to come to this. She said that changing beliefs is only part of what caused the relationship to break down, but then said she didn't think it's profitable to talk about it. I though Biblically she was supposed to come to me with the issues that offended her. She was the only real true friend I had, and certainly the only person I really trusted.

Now I have no special friend, nobody to trust, and I'm not sure if I can even trust again.

Last week I saw the old lady from that church who instigated all the drama. I had thought that her and I were becoming friends, and I had started to trust her. She loved on me and was so kind. Then, it was like a switch flipped, about the same time it flipped in my best friend. She sent me an email saying how she'd known all along I was a bad apple and she knows my type and now was going to expose me and show that I really wasn't a Christian at all and that I'd lied about stuff (I didn't, but I have actual concrete proof that she did). She also got gossip from our old pastor who she claimed not to be that chummy with. She claims that because I won't be a doormat for my husband (my husband doesn't even want that) that I don't care about God and His Word.j

As far as relationships go I feel like I have nothing left. My husband and I have a big disconnect that has some to do with fundamentalism but not a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really agnostic...but then I'm afraid that if I don't live as a Christian that my boys will never get saved and will go to hell and that scares me into staying Christian.

So I don't know why I typed this all up but I just felt like I needed to get it out somewhere.