Are your old fundy friends still your friends?

[LMcC]

(03-16-2011 09:30 PM)Ex-IFBer Wrote:  To those Ex fundy's who still attend Fundy churches, I don't know you so I dont mean to judge, but I have a hard time understanding the hypocrisy. Church is a place to be authentic and real, if you dont agree with the leadership, you should leave. If you have issues with what goes on there or the doctorine, you have no business sticking around because your friends go there. That's not what church is about. I encourage you to get real and get out. Again, don't know you so take this with a grain of salt!! :-)

Maybe I can help you understand why some people stay with a few examples. I don't think it's hypocrisy when certain circumstances hold people back. It's often more complicated than that.

I'm not in an IFB church, but I can't leave the one I do attend because of my husband. Church hunting with him is impossible, and his convictions forbid him to attend a different church than me, so I don't even try anymore. Imagine how much worse it is for the women here (and it is mostly married women) who are not IFB but have to stay because of their husbands. After all, there's that whole "submit, you evil woman" crap going on, plus they're stuck in the dynamic Peter describes when wives have differing beliefs from their husbands. At least I get to slip off with the Episcopals once a month. They don't even get to do that.

For the single women and men who are still IFB, many times they're still in the early stages of getting their wake-up call. They may still think they have a chance to be an influence. Even if they know they have to get out, they only have one point of reference about what church is, and so don't know what to make of services in other denominations or even just don't know where to begin looking. So again they stay unless and until the situation becomes intolerable. (These people are the easiest to get out, but only if they have relationships with people outside IFB who can help them see things in a new light. There's the trick.)

In some cases, people who are taking care of an aging parent or who have children with special needs have to stay put in an IFB church. An aging parent won't always understand the problem or want to leave their church and friends, and children with certain disabilities don't handle radical changes of circumstance well. The person wishing to leave is stuck because of their submission to another's wishes and/or needs.

So there are some reasons people stay that don't involve hypocrisy. Two of them involve relationships to others which can make an escape difficult or impossible, while the third involves people being simply stuck and working with what they know. If there are other reasons, I'd like to know. These are just three that either I have experienced personally or someone close to me has. Just my $.02 and experiences...