Are your old fundy friends still your friends?

[Phatchick]

(03-15-2011 03:42 AM)IFB No More Wrote:  You are not God. You are just a human being. Human beings with great responsibility. And since you fundys believe in "local church only" and "no universal church", you won't allow me to resign or transfer me to a non-IFB church. If I leave, it means I'm leaving the body of Christ, which means you have to mark me a hell-bound sinner.

My advice, FWIW, leave. Send the letter or email, make the call, do what you need to to cut off your relationship with that church. God doesn't recognize denomiations, only believers and if you still believe and still love the Lord, that's all that really matters. Right now, IMHO, you're still giving them power over you and it looks like it's hurting you to do it. I long ago came to the conclusion that my fundy friends weren't really friends. We were just a lot of fellow co-enablers keeping each other in fear and ignorance and once I left that behind, I had nothing in common with them. You can go to any church or none and they have nothing to say about it. Oh, they can talk all they want, but talk is cheap and in the end, it's your soul that matters, not what BS they say about it.
BTDT, it's not easy but it's worth it. Zen hugs.

[LMcC]

(03-15-2011 03:42 AM)IFB No More Wrote:  You are not God. You are just a human being. Human beings with great responsibility. And since you fundys believe in "local church only" and "no universal church", you won't allow me to resign or transfer me to a non-IFB church. If I leave, it means I'm leaving the body of Christ, which means you have to mark me a hell-bound sinner.

I need advice, dear SFL friends. This is honest. My time is running out and sooner or later I will bump into the fundys again.

Here's what really happens when you leave an IFB church for something else, from someone who did leave an IFB church for one of another denomination. At the time, I went to the SBC.

Nothing.

There is no letter. There is no followup. Nothing. Granted, the last IFB church I attended was downright sane compared to all previous ones, and I did move to another state, but still there's nothing another church or pastor can do. Once you join that new non-IFB church, you're done. Yeah, you may have to deal with people from the old church giving you some crap and you may get some shunners, but there's nothing official they can do to you. You are out of there and they can't get you back again.

When I left the SBC, again nothing happened. The church was going through a crisis some time after I left, and they were contacting members about a business meeting. I simply asked at the time to be removed from membership since I was attending another church, and that was that. I still get along fine with people at that church.

The church is bigger than the IFBs believe. It's OK to come on out and go elsewhere. There's no need to worry about their scare tactics. They're paper tigers and nothing more. We're here for you.

[unconventional conventionist]

When I left, I knew it would mean leaving behind a few hard-won relationships. I thought that I was part of that community and that I at least had friends there, which couldn't have been further from the truth.

It was a larger church in a smaller community, and I usually run into someone from the congregation when I'm out and about. I just carry on with my errands and let them do the same.

Even in a smaller community with no social replacements, I'm still happier. I couldn't take navigating all that untruth for one more minute.

[chris1000bc]

(03-17-2011 04:01 PM)unconventional conventionist Wrote:  It was a larger church in a smaller community, and I usually run into someone from the congregation when I'm out and about. I just carry on with my errands and let them do the same.

At some point, living and letting live seems to be the best way to handle fundies if you can. When I left fundyism, I wanted to let others still in fundyism in on the "truth" I had discovered. But most of the people I talked to didn't understand and didn't want to. They were happy where they were at.

It's interesting how some of them seem to think. I mean some of them have come to their conclusions because they have thought about their positions (whether they are right or not). But some of them just believe what they believe because their pastor or someone else told them that's what they should believe. I remember discussing something with some people at church once, and we were not agreeing on the topic. One guy says, "Let's go ask pastor what he thinks, and that will settle it." as if whatever our pastor thinks on any particular issue is what we should think on it.

[Natalie]

Oh, shoot no. There are a couple that I was really good friends with and we do that cordial hey-what-have-you-been-up-to stuff, but we're not as close as we were. They don't understand the way I think, and you KNOW I don't get their lifestyle. They're really fundy still. We really don't have anything in common anymore.

The friends that I'm friends with from high school are no longer fundy and think the way I do.

[elfdream]

I've left countless churches...and nothing ever happened. And so what if they mark you as a hell bound sinner? Westboro Baptist thinks I'm going to hell but I don't give the time of day to what they think. Of course I was never a member there so its different but who are they or anyone to make such a judgment?

[alm517]

So today, my husband and I went to Walmart, I stayed in the car, he went inside. He saw a family from a former fundy church that we went to. The lady and the daughter were out in the middle aisle, he was walking up to say hey, she saw him, grabbed her daughter's arm and dragged her down the nearest aisle where she proceeded to hide from him. The daughter looked at my husband with a small embarrassed smile, while the mom and dad pretended to be very interested in some dog food. Last time I checked they didn't even have a dog. My husband leaned his head down the same aisle and said loudly "Wooow, Just wooow!" I sent her an email and congratulated her, informed her that my husband saw her despite her elaborate performance and that I hope that made her feel good about herself.

[supernova8610]

I have two friends from my exIFB church. One is very fundy (I don't really consider him a friend anymore); the other is not and she has, in fact, stopped going to that church (she's also my cousin). My cousin used to get along very well with my fundy friend. She went to GSBC for a semester before she was kicked out for something she didn't even do. There was no evidence to support it either (they told her she had a heart problem... for not confessing to something she "supposedly" did; they only kicked her out based on another guy's word who was angry with her for breaking up with him. Anyway, after my cousin was kicked out this one fundy friend (and several others...not everyone, though; many more people were on her side) began to ignore her whenever he was around her. During church he would come up to both of us and shake my hand with a friendly greeting, but ignore her completely. My cousin and I had enough of it, and she and I wrote an email to him calling him out on his behavior. He got angry and denied everything, of course; he said he always came up to her and said hi, and said he would do so again. Guess what? The next time he had an opportunity do to so, he did not (I was watching him the whole time, to see how he would act toward her).

I've known this fundy guy since high school, and while he's always been a tad arrogant, I just didn't think he would treat anyone like this.

[alm517]

I got a response. That I made it up, that I must be angry, bitter and unforgiving, and an admonishment that the only way I'd rid myself of that was to repent and give my life to Jesus Christ. I couldn't have made it more stereotypical if I'd tried.

[leaving]

One of my last emails from a fundie states that she doubts my salvation because if I were saved, I would not have made the accusation that the pastor was "making excuses" for something and I would have submitted to correction.