Fundies and Hoarding?

[Innocent Lamb]

As a non-fundy who became the victim of a psycho fundy family, I have a lot of questions that maybe some veterans can help me understand. My fundy former inlaws were extraordinary hoarders. I'm talking, their house was a construction zone, and there were boxes, boards, papers, bags, and anything else you can imagine literally piled to the ceilings. You had to walk along little paths to find the furniture, and it made me almost hyperventilate and break out in hives (I'm starting to itch just thinking about it). Obviously, with this much junk, it was also not very clean. They had even weirder fundy neighbors who believed the world was coming to an end soon and had tractor trailers in their yard filled with cans and bottled water. Is this common fundy behavior, or were they a special case?? What bothered me so much was that they had SO MUCH stuff they would never use, and there are so many people who go without these things every day. As a non-fundy, I was raised to look for needs in my community and GIVE. They refused to consider giving anything away, because they might need it one day and the stuff might go to "sinners" who don't deserve it. I find this appalling. Help me understand if this is typical, or if they were nutso even for fundies.

[LMcC]

(03-10-2011 09:50 AM)Innocent Lamb Wrote:  As a non-fundy who became the victim of a psycho fundy family, I have a lot of questions that maybe some veterans can help me understand. My fundy former inlaws were extraordinary hoarders. I'm talking, their house was a construction zone, and there were boxes, boards, papers, bags, and anything else you can imagine literally piled to the ceilings. You had to walk along little paths to find the furniture, and it made me almost hyperventilate and break out in hives (I'm starting to itch just thinking about it). Obviously, with this much junk, it was also not very clean. They had even weirder fundy neighbors who believed the world was coming to an end soon and had tractor trailers in their yard filled with cans and bottled water. Is this common fundy behavior, or were they a special case?? What bothered me so much was that they had SO MUCH stuff they would never use, and there are so many people who go without these things every day. As a non-fundy, I was raised to look for needs in my community and GIVE. They refused to consider giving anything away, because they might need it one day and the stuff might go to "sinners" who don't deserve it. I find this appalling. Help me understand if this is typical, or if they were nutso even for fundies.

Fundamentalism creates three different attitudes toward belongings, none of them particularly healthy:

1) Hoarding does happen with some. Keeping things is one of the few ways they can have any personal control in their lives. Some of it can also come from the idea that persecution is coming, and who knows what might be useful when that happens. (Probably not as common a mindset as it used to be back in the 80s.)

2) Minimalism is what some do. They'll show what they can go without to prove how spiritual they are. I had someone give me grief in college for buying a 59 cent cereal bowl. She ate hers out of her coffee mug and considered that much more spiritual. Uh, whatever.

3) Martha Stewart has nothing on some fundamentalists. Their houses are perfect, perfect, perfect. Everything new, everything exactly in place. They are often the ones who open their homes for church gatherings and parties. It's one giant show with little substance behind it.

Your in-laws, however, go too far even for Fundies. The refusal to let things go if there's a chance they'll end up with non-Christians is, sadly, normal. The stash of bottled water makes me think there's still some of the 80s persecution mindset going on. The stuff piled to the ceiling, OTOH, screams OCD.

[Lizzy F.]

I can relate to this.

Using LMcC's definitions:

My parents are no. 1
My sibling is no. 2. (I get lectures about which thrift shops I buy my clothes from!)

I picked up my parents' hoarding habits and it's something that I'm fighting pretty hard. People are flippant and say "just stop buying more stuff and get rid of it" but it isn't that simple.

The only thing that's been able to help me is FlyLady.net. She suggests decluttering only 15 at a time so you are focused but don't get overwhelmed because the time duration is short.

Sometimes her e-mails are annoying, but her cleaning system is amazing.

[LMcC]

(03-10-2011 03:36 PM)Lizzy F. Wrote:  I can relate to this.

Using LMcC's definitions:

My parents are no. 1
My sibling is no. 2. (I get lectures about which thrift shops I buy my clothes from!)

That's going too far. Isn't just going to a thrift store enough?

My husband is a 2, and he really makes a show of it. Unfortunately, he is a 1 when it comes to junk mail and old paperwork. Do not ask me to reconcile those statements because I can't figure it out. Almost funny that he marries a light 1 who has gone through 2 paper shredders and has a third one ready to start using.

Quote:I picked up my parents' hoarding habits and it's something that I'm fighting pretty hard. People are flippant and say "just stop buying more stuff and get rid of it" but it isn't that simple.

Truth. Some of us grew up with Depression-era parents (I'm a late-life child for mine), and it's hard to figure out that line between thrift and hoarding when you've been exposed to a combination of their mentality and Fundy persecution-is-coming scare stories.

Quote:The only thing that's been able to help me is FlyLady.net. She suggests decluttering only 15 at a time so you are focused but don't get overwhelmed because the time duration is short.

Sometimes her e-mails are annoying, but her cleaning system is amazing.

I wish Hubby would actually be willing to stay home so we could do something about our place. He complains, but then makes sure that I can do absolutely nothing to improve the situation... but that's for a discussion on Fundies and double-binds.

[Innocent Lamb]

Ok, thanks for the insights. I think what I'm getting here is that while being fundy may not have CAUSED the hoarding (they probably already had that tendency) it probably supported it with the persecution mentality, the NOT encouraging generosity to others, and also the concept of separation. These inlaws are REALLY separate- isolated really. They go to a tiny church, and barely associate with anyone there, and have pretty much no friends. There's not much danger of anyone dropping by and seeing the house in a mess! (mess- That was the understatement of the century!)

[LMcC]

(03-10-2011 04:53 PM)Innocent Lamb Wrote:  Ok, thanks for the insights. I think what I'm getting here is that while being fundy may not have CAUSED the hoarding (they probably already had that tendency) it probably supported it with the persecution mentality, the NOT encouraging generosity to others, and also the concept of separation. These inlaws are REALLY separate- isolated really. They go to a tiny church, and barely associate with anyone there, and have pretty much no friends. There's not much danger of anyone dropping by and seeing the house in a mess! (mess- That was the understatement of the century!)

... and they call themselves "ex-Fundamentalists". *shakes head* Sorry you're having to deal with this.

The ones who "leave but really don't leave" have to be the worst. I'd just tell them that if they're going to act like Fundies, just go back and be Fundies. It does them no good to bring the crappy attitudes out to the rest of the world, and it does the rest of us no good to put up with that kind of stuff.

The longer I'm out, the more I realize that Fundyland is less about anything to do with the true God and any real morality. It's more about finding a way for the more dominant and/or manipulative types to excuse their own sins while telling everyone else they're going to Hell.

[Innocent Lamb]

[/quote]


The longer I'm out, the more I realize that Fundyland is less about anything to do with the true God and any real morality. It's more about finding a way for the more dominant and/or manipulative types to excuse their own sins while telling everyone else they're going to Hell.
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YES!! This describes them perfectly. Thanks to all of you who are helping me understand this mindset that is really beyond understanding. When you didn't grow up in it, it's like dealing with people from another planet. This website is helping me put all this insanity into perspective.

[LMcC]

(03-10-2011 06:13 PM)Innocent Lamb Wrote:  YES!! This describes them perfectly. Thanks to all of you who are helping me understand this mindset that is really beyond understanding. When you didn't grow up in it, it's like dealing with people from another planet. This website is helping me put all this insanity into perspective.

Trust me, when leaving Fundyland, it feels like you've landed on a different planet too. Fortunately, it's generally better leaving Planet Fundy than having to deal with its residents all the time.

When Fundamentalists talk about separation from the world, they're not kidding. The separation level becomes so great that there's nothing connecting them to the rest of us. And this is supposed to be a good thing, in line with the Great Commission, and great for the sanity of all who cross their paths HOW!?