Domestic Violence discussion (split from On being pro-life)

[Naomi]

(02-20-2011 08:28 PM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  I know survivors, I am a survivor, and I was close to some who didn't survive. I haven't mentioned it because it isn't really relevant and doing so is usually cheap, low-class debate trick.

I'll quote myself here:

Quote:If you were physically or sexually assaulted by a woman as an adult, please know that you have my full support. Please reread that I did not deny that you exist, and I believe in holding every abuser fully accountable.

I still believe that. I also believe that my life experiences are a legitimate part of this discussion. Of course, it is totally your decision whether or not you want to bring up your own, but it is not OK to tell me I am 'cheapening the debate' or 'need to overcome things' because I'm honest about where I'm coming from on this. It's hard not to feel pretty urgent about it when you know people in abusive relationships right now. I'm happy that you feel like a survivor! But it's not OK to tell other people how they should feel about their life experiences.

(02-21-2011 05:27 PM)JordanMaria Wrote:  

(02-20-2011 09:21 PM)Jenn Wrote:  Does anyone know what to do about it?

Just being aware of something doesn't help. Why not instead be a support to someone that has been a victim of domestic violence?

I strongly believe, based on what I've seen and researched, that misrepresenting domestic abuse is dangerous to victims (who I believe, for the same researched reasons, are--for the most part in het relationships but not entirely--female)*. Saying that abuse occurs equally when it does not has historically been used to give power to male abusers. All I ask anyone to do is to care about it enough to check out the research for themselves. People speaking up about it, especially men condemning all abuse and the attitudes that enable it, are vital to changing our culture. And hey, a lot of shelters could use donations of money, supplies, or time - I recommend volunteering and donating! There is a lot we can do about it.

* It's equally dangerous to misrepresent how abuse happens in queer relationships of any kind, but I am aware those are less common here.

Quote:That's quite an assumption given that you don't know him at all.

I wasn't talking to Elijah: I was talking to all the men debating me on this and the ones who have given positive feedback to those posts. I apologize if that was unclear. But, see above. And, I'm done in this thread.