Domestic Violence discussion (split from On being pro-life)

[Elijah Craig]

Allow me to flesh out a brief statement I made last night.

I have noticed something about some men who are patriarchal. And from reliable sources I've learned the background of some fairly prominent proponents of patriarchy. It is that they had mothers who were physically or emotionally abusive. Early in life they formed the notion that women were spiteful, irrational, manipulative, and that survival meant putting women in check. That's normal childhood thinking but they never fully grow out of it. They get into their late teens or early twenties and are presented with a view on women that fits their pre-existing psychology. Theology and everything else is twisted to fit their childhood experience. And so you get theology of "leading a woman" and all of that. Often times these guys are not violent at all, and cannot conceive how their views could be used by a violent man because they cannot see outside the box they are in.

Much of feminism is the same but from the reverse angle. Men are seen as abusive, sex-obsessed, manipulative, uncaring. Women are seen as victims. Books and studies that support this worldview are read, other facts are discounted or minimalized. Empowering female victims becomes the primary goal to which all other rights and wrongs must be subordinated.

I don't have room for either viewpoint in my life. People are evil. There are some differences in the way men and women process the evil that happens to them, and differences in the way their own evil is acted out. But I don't silo off women into one way of thinking and acting, and men into another. Women can be physically abusive and many are. Men can be passive-aggressive. Women can be assertive. Men can be nurturing. I define people by their behaviors and thought patterns, not primarily their gender.

It isn't an us v. them world.