God forgave me, why can't you?

[lucrezaborgia]

How often is this an issue when scandals hit churches? While this isn't exactly the same prattle as "we are all full of sin" it seems very similar to me. I know of a man who cheated on his wife. He is an evangelical Christian and instead of doing whatever it takes to reconcile with his wife, he has declared (on FB of all places) that god forgives him, so now everything is all right.

In private conversation, he talks of how irritated he is over his wife not being understanding of him and how hard he works to support his wife and family in a comfortable lifestyle. God forgave him, so now she is sinning for not being forgiving of him and being the good wifey that a Christian like he is deserves.

Is this idea, that god forgives so no one else should be angry or judge, a good one?

[myotch]

It is often a hypocritical stance, as well. The penitent wrongdoer is still gossiped about and avoided like the plague by many of the regenerated forgiven.

It all is a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is. It's not a returning of the wrongdoer to some previously-held esteem.

Sometimes, the best thing to do is to move on, to "grace us with your absence" instead of "your presence".

[Jason B]

Forgiveness and trust are not the same things. What we interpret to be unforgiveness in ourselves or others could just be a lack of trust. Yes, God forgives but He can see the thoughts and intents of the heart. We do not have that ability. So we must see outward evidence of repentance. And that can take years.

I would think that if this man were truly repentant he would ask his wife to forgive him and then humbly give her all the time she needed to decide if she wants to forgive and to give her wounds time to heal. And he would change whether she forgave him or not.

[pastor's wife]

Quote:It all is a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is. It's not a returning of the wrongdoer to some previously-held esteem.

Good point. And if an offender insists that everyone goes back to treating him the same as they did before, I don't think he's showing proper repentance.

As Jason B. described, a truly repentant person is humble and doesn't push people to act in certain ways. A manipulative, impatient, self-pitying person gets angry or pouty when he doesn't get his own way. A person who truly feels the weight of his sin allows other people time to grieve over the pain he's caused. Insisting on his own agenda just shows the selfishness that was at the root of the original sin.

[Historian]

Yes, PW is right. I was just thinking the same thing. The so-called penitent certainly doesn't sound very penitent. True repentance recognizes that forgiveness is grace. It is not deserved, nor can it be demanded. God has forgiveness in abundance because He is Grace. Man struggles to emulate God in this respect, and often fails. When other Christians fail to forgive a person who is truly repentant, that is sin on their part. But the repentant person is not thereby granted the right to be huffy and angry–they need to forgive him for the Lord's sake, not because he deserves it, or because his work of repentance has somehow erased everything that happened.

And, as Jason B mentioned, forgiveness and trust aren't the same thing. I don't see anything in Scripture that obligates us to return someone to their former trusted position as a part of forgiveness. Forgiveness means holding no grudge, not bearing someone ill will, not holding their sin over their head or continually "making them pay." It doesn't mean "pretending that nothing happened."

[Phatchick]

I wonder if he had ever read the parable of the prodical son? Yes he was forgiven but not until he had faced the consequences of his sin. IMHO, you can't demand forgiveness, it must come from the heart of the person who was wronged and they are the ones to decide when and if it happens. And, again IMHO, you can't forgive a sin you weren't the victim to. To ask forgiveness from all and sundry wether they were involved or nor cheapens the act and the process.

[Jason B]

Good point. And if an offender insists that everyone goes back to treating him the same as they did before, I don't think he's showing proper repentance.

As Jason B. described, a truly repentant person is humble and doesn't push people to act in certain ways. A manipulative, impatient, self-pitying person gets angry or pouty when he doesn't get his own way. A person who truly feels the weight of his sin allows other people time to grieve over the pain he's caused. Insisting on his own agenda just shows the selfishness that was at the root of the original sin.
[/quote]

Pastor's Wife, I hope you don't mind but I just made that my status on Facebook

[pastor's wife]

Don't mind at all!

Hope you don't get mean messages because of it.

[lucrezaborgia]

Well this just keeps getting better...

Looks like they are headed for divorce. In the meantime, he is looking for an apartment to give his wife space so she will go to counseling to save their marriage.

Let that sentence sink in for a minute or two...

[Tiarali]

I hope she goes out with the girls and has some time to herself - to pick herself up and move on. If he can't even act repentant, he's worthless.