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**Tiarali** · 08-01-2012, 08:12 PM

Confession time: Ok, I'm feeling physically ill. I really, really need to step away from my computer. I obviously have no contact with Schaap or FBC but the issue brings up my own feelings regarding helplessness and lack of justice. It has caused a very strong reaction in me. I am very frightened he will get away with this.

DaisyDeadhead · 08-01-2012, 09:22 PM

(08-01-2012 08:12 PM)tiarali Wrote: Confession time: Ok, I'm feeling physically ill. I really, really need to step away from my computer. I obviously have no contact with Schaap or FBC but the issue brings up my own feelings regarding helplessness and lack of justice. It has caused a very strong reaction in me. I am very frightened he will get away with this.

(((tiarali))) The blogosphere calls that "being triggered"--I am so sorry. I have similar triggers, not about fundies, but about my own family's pathology. You have my deepest sympathies. I always worry about people who are triggered, when these national disasters like Penn State, priest scandal, etc happen. It brings back so much we have buried within us, which we believed was healed rather than simply buried.

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." --Rose Kennedy

~~SomethingFundy~~ · 08-02-2012, 11:08 AM

my friends were told not to believe any of this of the past issues. told people made it up but in reality, it's real.

i wanted to go off into the sunset but I knew I had demons to confront

**DestinyIsJoy** · 08-02-2012, 12:38 PM

(08-01-2012 10:48 AM)Ricardo Wrote: Many of us in this site have gone through many stages in our journey out of Fundamentalism and toward God.

It is HARD WORK!

It is so much easier to sit back and be told what to believe than it is to go out and look for it yourself.

[sigh]

Richardo, oh how I relate to this. When I left HAC/FBC, I literally did not know what to believe about theology. It was a confusing, terrifying time. I ended up having to scratch everything and start with a NIV bible, a hebrew/greek concordance and the Holy Spirit. I had to learn how I knew the Holy Spirit spoke, how to think and discern the world for myself...in short...I deprogrammed myself with God's help--it was much harder than both university degrees I've earned put together, but the results are well-worth the effort. I wish there was a "relate with this" button on here. Big Grin

**DestinyIsJoy** · 08-02-2012, 12:47 PM

(08-01-2012 08:12 PM)tiarali Wrote: Confession time: Ok, I'm feeling physically ill. I really, really need to step away from my computer. I obviously have no contact with Schaap or FBC but the issue brings up my own feelings regarding helplessness and lack of justice. It has caused a very strong reaction in me. I am very frightened he will get away with this.

I feel nauseated and have lost sleep over this and it has been difficult to take computer breaks. Nothing have triggered me from the IFB world so badly like this Schaap/FBC/HAC situation and this is probably due to the fact I lived at the college for 12 years. I was 18 when I went there and 30 when I left, my formative adult years. I have similar feelings and right now cannot even entertain the idea that justice will not be served for the victims.

It is okay to express and honor those feelings you are experiencing and totally okay to take a break. I know I have to force myself to do so. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. It does help me to now that others feel the same kinds of feelings as I am experiencing. I hope in some small way it helps you too.

**DestinyIsJoy** · 08-02-2012, 12:56 PM

(08-01-2012 10:37 AM)Natalie Wrote: BUT, it was just what I needed to get out. I'm not glad for the hurt, but I am glad for the enlightenment it brought.

Amen, couldn't expressed my feelings better about this. Oh the freedom enlightenment brings! The hurt was not fun. Well-said, Natalie...where is the "I relate button?" Tongue

**WifeofBill** · 08-02-2012, 01:15 PM

(08-02-2012 11:08 AM)SomethingFundy Wrote: my friends were told not to believe any of this of the past issues. told people made it up but in reality, it's real.

i wanted to go off into the sunset but I knew I had demons to confront

Are you trying to be vague? I know I can't be the only person who struggles to understand your post.

Papa Bear · 08-02-2012, 11:02 PM

(08-02-2012 01:15 PM)WifeofBill Wrote:
(08-02-2012 11:08 AM)SomethingFundy Wrote: my friends were told not to believe any of this of the past issues. told people made it up but in reality, it's real.

i wanted to go off into the sunset but I knew I had demons to confront

Are you trying to be vague? I know I can't be the only person who struggles to understand your post.

I makes sense to me. I read it as (during each past crisis at FBC / HAC) the leadership told people not to believe the accusations, claiming they were fabricated, but they were, in fact, true. It would be easier to turn one's back and leave than to tell the truth, deal with the issues, and face the music. The only thing I see that could have been more specific was naming particular demons, which I don't think was the point of the post.