Using the phrase "daughter of the King" to enforce a dress code

[Sophie]

This kinda goes hand-in-hand with how fundy women are expected to like pink, frills, and "cutesy" stuff. It's the whole "princess" thing. I was always told that since I was a "daughter of the King", I should always strive to look my best, never wearing torn or frayed clothing. So does that mean we have to throw out a perfectly good article of clothing just because it gets slightly frayed? And besides, shouldn't our goal be to emulate Jesus? While he was on Earth, he knew he was the Son of God and yet he didn't spend all his time worrying about whether or not his clothing was flawless. I think he had more important concerns. As should we.

[Darrell]

It reveals a certain amount of how the fundamentalists see God. The King is not gracious and kind. He does not forgive our smudges and dirt. He demands perfection even from his own children and will tolerate nothing less. So be afraid! Be very, very afraid!

[pastor's wife]

I always loved the "daughter of the King" idea. I've never been one for frills and frou-frou or make-up and cutesy stuff; I do lean toward Victorian ladylike things though. A verse I always liked was, "The king's daughter is all glorious within" reminding me that what's most important is what I'm like on the INSIDE. (Of course, later I found out that "within" just meant "inside the building" or "inside her rooms" which was disappointing.)

This sort of theme can also be found in a favorite book of my childhood, "A Little Princess", in which Sara Crewe determines to behave like a princess no matter what. I always found the idea of being the daughter of the king empowering and fulfilling.

I can see, however, that it could be also be seen as limiting and controlling, especially if the image of "princess" is a simpering helpless thing in poufy pink lace.

As to "looking our best", part of me resonates with that, but another part of me realizes that we have become a VERY casual society and I don't want to look as if I'm "putting on airs." There's a time and place to be formal and dressy, but that's not necessarily all the time. My wearing frayed or older clothing might just mean that I'm being thrifty or, as Sophie said above, that my mind is focused on things besides what I'm wearing.

[Sophie]

Ooh, I loved that book too! But that was because it was about who she was on the inside, not what she wore. Perhaps I shoulda given this thread a less misleading title-- I'm not against the phrase "daughter of the King", I'm just against the way people use it in order to enforce a certain dress code.

[pastor's wife]

I totally get that, and I don't like it either. It should be used to remind us of who we are to God, not another way of beating us up for not being "worthy" enough. There's so much guilt and shaming in fundamentalism!

BTW, I discovered George MacDonald's book "The Lost Princess" in college and loved its story of a spoiled princess who learns the ugliness inside and how to change. http://www.amazon.com/The-Lost-Princess-...+macdonald

[dramaturge]

To me, when the Bible uses the phrase "daughters of the King," it's referring to our standing--we are not merely subjects, we are children with agency before the throne. Sarah Crewe recognized that despite everything around her that robbed her of her external agency, she had internal agency--she could control her knowledge of herself. I thinks it's a great book to reference, for it does reflect our own state to an extent: we are often robbed of our external agency by circumstances outside of our control, but we do have agency within ourselves--our attitudes, our voice before God the King.

I think the take fundamentalists often make of it--that because we are "daughters of the King" we must project a certain image, behave in some prescribed and proscribed way--is not at all what the scriptures intend to convey. Being a King's daughter is a matter of standing, not a guideline for image. If it were, we'd have some trouble. After all, which era's or culture's guidelines should we use to determine what a King's daughter looks and behaves like? This idea has a tendency to inflict unrealistic expectations on young women which lead to frustration and futility.

[captain_solo]

(06-26-2012 02:42 PM)Darrell Wrote:  It reveals a certain amount of how the fundamentalists see God. The King is not gracious and kind. He does not forgive our smudges and dirt. He demands perfection even from his own children and will tolerate nothing less. So be afraid! Be very, very afraid!

God is seen as the "perfect Christian parent" by many fundies, they strive to be just as heartless, cruel, and domineering with their own children as they believe God is with them. This is used as both a means of pummeling other believers into following their petty cultural hang ups as "godly", shaming their own children into obeying them unconditionally no matter how unreasonable (or in many cases, immoral) the demands are, and as a twisted, self-flagellating method of beating their own flesh into submission (although this is normally not real, just a facade)

I want my daughters to see the fact that they are my daughters as an incredible advantage, and as something that is beneficial to them, not to see me as some kind of horrible ogre that will bash their heads in if they show up with a single pleat out of place in their coulottes. I would also like them to see their heavenly Father in the same light.

Oh, and for what its worth, if they don't see him that way, then grace has not touched their life and they are in trouble spiritually as well, because moralism just doesn't get the job done.

[pastor's wife]

dramaturge and captain_solo, your comments are so good that I'm ranking this thread five stars so I can remember to come back and reread what both of you wrote.

[notdrinkingthekoolaid]

Another take...

The term "daughter of the king" was never one I heard as a fundy. There were expectations of how to look and act, of course, but never the connotation that I was a daughter of the king and therefore special in any way. But as others have said, I believe the lack of this term was a reflection of the god I was taught. Overbearing, demanding, judgemental and all around unkind.

A very dear, older and never fundy friend of mine loves to remind me often..."You are a child of God and a daughter of the King." Coming from her, those words are precious. I struggle with understanding that God really loves me unconditionally. That simple phrase reminds me of the identity I have in Him. Not one of living up to expectations, but one where I am already accepted regardless of my performance.

[lucrezaborgia]

There is this idea in some fundy circles that, for women, beauty=godliness. I could see how this would extend to clothing. Worn clothing could be a sign that god does not look favorably upon you.