I know you can't delete the past, but...

[leaving]

So I know that I cannot delete the past. I am sitting here reading through things that I wrote, and some that I wrote and published, and I feel so much shame, so much embarrassment. Part of me just wants to hit the delete button on it all, with all the pride and arrogance, but part of me thinks I should keep it as a reminder.

It's really awful stuff where I keep saying "I'm right" and talking about the King James Bible being the only inspired word of God (UGH) and how CCM is bad and how women shouldn't cut their hair and how we need to submit to our male authorities and crap about modesty.

So, keep or delete, which would YOU choose, and why?

[elfdream]

Are you speaking of your blog? Is there a function where you can go back and make all those entries private? That's what I would do.

[Naomi]

Part of me wants to own things from the past. It seems like the mature, responsible thing to do. Part of me wants to try to "fix mistakes" by not having them out there (not to mention not have to be embarrassed by them anymore). I don't know.

[leaving]

No, not my blog, but stuff on my computer. Hundreds of articles and stories.

[Mominator]

When I get to feeling like that, sometimes I just close my computer and I don't open it up until I feel like I have a clear head even if it's for a week. Just take a break from it all. Or if you do, just post lighthearted stuff on here or even on your blog.

You also just had life changing surgery and I think I'd give myself time to heal before you start deleting stuff especially if you've done a lot of research. You might regret it later.

I wish I had documented the stuff I said and did after I left Hephzibah House. My mom had to talk to me for months before I was able to function again and get a job. They believed in all of that stuff about long hair...etc.

I do remember that I read a lot of Psalms when I left that place. I concentrated on words like joy, peace and blessings so I didn't give up on my faith. I pretty much started from stretch again.

You know, I concentrated on those things God wants me to have on the inside.

Take care, hugs and prayers for your journey!

[pastor's wife]

Sometimes it's good to have a record of where you were so you can see where you've come from and how you've changed. Sometimes you can also use what you wrote before to respond to others, to say, "Here's where I was and here's how and why I changed."

As elfdream said, you might want to make some of the entries "private" if that's an option.

As far as being embarrassed about it, think of Paul. At one point, he's throwing people in jail for believing in Jesus, accusing them of blasphemy and unfaithfulness to Jehovah. Later he repudiates his former position and loses his reputation as a Pharisee to follow Christ himself. I'm sure there were people from time to time who would call up his past to try to shame him, but I think he just would have just acknowledged, "Yes, that's who I was. But Christ has changed me."

Phil. 3:3-9: "We put no confidence in human effort, though I could have confidence in my own effort if anyone could. Indeed, if others have reason for confidence in their own efforts, I have even more!

"I was circumcised when I was eight days old. I am a pure-blooded citizen of Israel and a member of the tribe of Benjamin—a real Hebrew if there ever was one! I was a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the Jewish law. I was so zealous that I harshly persecuted the church. And as for righteousness, I obeyed the law without fault.

"I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ."

If you think people are using things you wrote to reinforce belief in something you no longer believe, I could see that you might want to take it down. But I don't think you HAVE to. It's part of your past, and you can see yourself as you were then with clearer eyes now.

[Tikatu]

If these are files on your computer, create a new folder and entitle it something like "Me-before" or "Old thoughts", and move all the files there. Don't look at them, just move them. Then forget about them. You may have recourse to them at some later point, but otherwise, focus on who you are NOW.

And do remember what Mominator said about the surgery. Once you're hale and healthy again, you can go back (if you want) and look at them again. But get them out of your workspace.

[Ricardo]

I got news for you:

You know all the new writings you now believe are right?

If you are actively and honestly looking for the will of God on a daily basis, I can guarantee that in a couple of years you will be amazed how much your positions have changed on all kind of issues.

check everything out, keep the good stuff!

[Sharon]

I think it's more intellectually honest to yourself to keep an archive of the 'old you,' but there's no reason to keep it all where everyone can see. Create a file on your desktop, then load the whole file to an external harddrive.

[co_heir]

Maybe you could do a "What I Used to Believe - What I Now Believe" series.