church-shopping (for lack of a better term)

[Persnickety Polecat]

My husband and I are finally looking for a new church. I've been so hesitant to do so for months and have only just now felt like even dipping my toes back into the waters. Mostly it's my kids. I know they really miss being in church.

I know what I want in a church, and I know what I don't want. My husband, I'm not entirely sure about him. He's probably more along the lines of knowing what he doesn't want, lol. I want a church that is diverse, inclusive, and has a vibrant children's ministry. I want it to teach me about God and who He really is. I don't want to be screamed at or ignored. I don't want my kids treated badly or frightened. That's the short list.

The first church -- it started out ok but went downhill pretty fast. It was non-denominational, which I was ok with, but my husband about went spastic over the music (which is hilarious, given the fact that my husband has no fundy whatsoever in him). There was a light show, a full-fledged band, etc. My middle son loved it, rofl. But there was no sermon. The pastor pretty much just got up there and spoke for half an hour on how fabulous the church was. It was sooo commercial, and it ended with a literal commercial -- not surprising since the whole thing was televised, but still. Too over the top. My husband also really disliked that no one really talked to us. I am ok with that since I'm painfully shy. But he wasn't. Fair enough.

The second church, today, was SBC. Everyone was super-duper nice. I ticked off a whole bunch of points on my list. The children's activities are amazing -- summer basketball program, VBS, missions groups, playgroups, etc. PLUS they host our home school "co-ops" during the school year, which is cool. They are NOT particularly inclusive, however (they're SBC, after all), and they also weren't particularly diverse, which was sort of weird. Our old fundy church was waaay more diverse than this church. IDK if it wasn't diverse because it was sort of small or if there's another reason. My husband really liked this church, though, which was a good thing. I did, too.

We really could use a lot of prayers right now, though. A LOT. I don't really know what I'm doing, and I want to make sure we make the right choice for our kids and for us.

[myotch]

If you don't have a denominational preference, why not start with the closest church to your home? If that don't work out, go to the next closest.

Considering the churches in Acts and Paul's letters, I think the church was meant to be much more local gathering than, say, an association of checklist-and bullet-proof doctrine which would necessitate commute (within reason, of course - if a church is heretical...).

Is infant Baptism and female clergy a deal-breaker for you? What would be the deal breakers?

[Persnickety Polecat]

(05-27-2012 12:56 PM)myotch Wrote:  If you don't have a denominational preference, why not start with the closest church to your home? If that don't work out, go to the next closest.

Considering the churches in Acts and Paul's letters, I think the church was meant to be much more local gathering than, say, an association of checklist-and bullet-proof doctrine which would necessitate commute (within reason, of course - if a church is heretical...).

Is infant Baptism and female clergy a deal-breaker for you? What would be the deal breakers?

The church we attended today could be considered one of the closest to us. Denominations aren't necessarily an issue, but neither of us is interested in Catholic churches -- for a lot of reasons. We are considering Evangelical Lutheran, nondenominational, SBC, UCC, and a few others. Female clergy isn't a problem, and infant baptism gives me a bit of a pause, but since my kids are out of infancy, it's not a huge deal for me personally.

Two huge things I noticed today that gave me positive feelings about this church: the pastor didn't do the hellfire and brimstone salvation thing. He did a salvation sermon, but it was in terms of "God has something amazing in store for your life." He also mentioned God's blessings -- accept God's blessings for your life, and then consider giving back to the church or the community. Not the other way around. How many of us were taught we had to slavishly devote ourselves to "the cause" before God would grant us even the tiniest blessing? My husband loved that he quoted Dr. Seuss in the sermon, rofl.

Edited to add: Deal breakers: Husband does not want a church that is unfriendly. He does not want a music program that makes him expect to have to pass a doobie (his quote, not mine). Mine: Lack of a solid children's ministry with multiple extracurricular activities throughout the month. A church that is intolerant -- race, sex/gender, GLBT, etc. (They don't have to be advertising inclusiveness, but they cannot be preaching hate.) A church that is not actively involved in the community AND in world affairs (as much as possible, given the size, whatever the size it is).

[myotch]

It sounds like the sermon spoke to you - that's a good thing. Visit a few more times, see what pans out.

[Mominator]

We haven't been to church in nine years and we are starting to dip our toes back in the water too LOL. We were looking at a non denom last night on the net but that's as far as we've gotten. Right now, I can't go b/c of my broken foot. What's nice is that they have sermons online so we listened to one about the family and it was practical w/o the typical fundy shouting, browbeating and guilt trips. They don't have a Wednesday night service b/c they believe in families having more time together which we agree with. We aren't a three times a week kinda family.

We too just want to learn about God and who He is; no more legalism for us.

We live in the South and there must be over one hundred SBC here in our city so we might try one of those too.

That's funny you did thread like this cause I was going to start one too! We home school as well. I have a 9th, 6th and a 3rd grader. We'll add your family to our prayers and keep us updated!

[Persnickety Polecat]

(05-27-2012 01:19 PM)Mominator Wrote:  We haven't been to church in nine years and we are starting to dip our toes back in the water too LOL. We were looking at a non denom last night on the net but that's as far as we've gotten. Right now, I can't go b/c of my broken foot. What's nice is that they have sermons online so we listened to one about the family and it was practical w/o the typical fundy shouting, browbeating and guilt trips. They don't have a Wednesday night service b/c they believe in families having more time together which we agree with. We aren't a three times a week kinda family.

We too just want to learn about God and who He is; no more legalism for us.

We live in the South and there must be over one hundred SBC here in our city so we might try one of those too.

That's funny you did thread like this cause I was going to start one too! We home school as well. I have a 9th, 6th and a 3rd grader. We'll add your family to our prayers and keep us updated!

I'll keep you guys in my prayers, too! It's not been that long for us -- since about Christmas. No single thing did it for me, but a lot of little mosquitoes, you know? My church wasn't nearly as bad as many of the ones others here have talked about (although over the course of my life -- being a military brat -- I did get to attend many of the heavily legalistic ones). The pastor was very laid back, and people were kind. I think, in a way, that made it harder to get out. It was easier to say, "Oh, well, it's not *that* bad. But it was.

Anyway -- my kids are home schooled, too -- 1st, 3rd, and 4th next year.

[laurat99]

The military allowed hubby and me the opportunity to church shop a lot. There's no one perfect church that is out there in regards to beliefs, programs, location, and people. Like myotch said, know what your deal breakers are for everyone, including the kids. Above all, listen to the Holy Spirit. Hubby and I were set to join a church one morning, we had talked about it before the service. We both felt the HS telling us during the invitation NOT to join that church.

[elizabethn]

Getting my vote in here for United Methodist . That's where we landed. The service is a little bit liturgical, and I appreciated the sense of mindful order, since we were coming out of emotion-driven Pentecostalism. Our congregation has a wide variety in the music department, from (GORGEOUS) pipe organ to CCM by a band that sort of serves as the de facto youth group.

There is not as much ethnic diversity as I was used to in our former church, where I was a minority as a White woman. But there is some, and the vibe is very open and welcoming.

I appreciate the fact that you get a lot of Scripture in every service, as they follow the lexionary. Pastors are required to have REAL masters degrees, M.Div. preferred (which is a "larger" degree than M.A. or M.Th.) from accredited institutions, and they undergo a lengthy training, mentoring and testing process.

As far as service opportunities, I was looking for a more social-justice oriented approach, far, far away from my decades of street evangelization and pulpit-pounding come to Jesus sermons. In that the Methodists are a perfect match.

The main website is http://www.umc.org.

[notdrinkingthekoolaid]

Just wanted to say you're in my prayers as you search.

We live in the Bible belt and finding a church took us months. It took us 4 years to become members...not because we had any doubts, just didn't want to commit. Finding the right place becomes so much harder when you have a luggage cart worth of "church baggage". Good luck in your search.

[bean]

Will pray that you find a great place to worship!
Evangelical Lutheran has been a great fit for me..but then we were raised Lutheran...your list looks a lot like mine! I'd fit in great at a presbyterian, or UCC congregation too i think. Social justice is very important indeed..