Didn't want to post this on facebook, but

[Tiarali]

This was meaningful to me today. I need a friend. A real-life friend. You guys are awesome. But there is nobody outside of family that I can trust irl.

My heart aches.

Anyway, just thought I'd share this in case anybody else is in the same boat.

[laurat99]

Tia, we're here for you, friend!

[pastor's wife]

I'm sorry. I truly hope that you can find someone.

I have often felt like that even before our church split. Moving into a state where we knew no one to pastor a very small church meant that our social circles were very limited, and many times people just were too busy with their already-established friendship to take time for me. I learned that some of the friendliest people were people who also moved here from out of state because they like me had fewer connections and perhaps were also lonely and feeling a void. It's hard to start over. I joined a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers) and would always talk to people at my daughter's Christian school or at the playground, but things rarely clicked.

God did bring one lady into my life. We were really good friends, but then she moved away, and then when we went through our church split she warned me against going into evangelicalism. She had no problem with pants but was death on "rock" music. So even if she'd stayed here I think she would've dropped me.

God is helping me start forming friendships with some nice ladies in my church and recently with a next-door neighbor.

I really hope you can get a friend to hang out with in real life not just cyber friends!

[Bob M]

I am sorry for you, and I know how it is. I was a pastor. When I left fundamentalism and ministry, they all cut me off. A couple guys who were in our church are still friends, in a way, but they live in other states now. I attend a large church and have not connected with anyone in 5 years. I have tried, but when they hear what happened in my life, its the cold shoulder.

Even the guy who was my supposed mentor for 14 years blew me off. It all came to a head the other day when I had a sharp disagreement with a co-worker. I lost my temper. I walked outside and thought I would call someone to talk. But there is no one I can really trust. So I am sort of in the same boat.

[Naomi]

(05-26-2012 08:01 AM)tiarali Wrote:  My heart aches.

Hugs to you, Tiarali. This is hard. Wish we were closer! Hope you are able to find friends you can trust in person soon.

[co_heir]

Sorry to hear this. I saw that cartoon today and thought it was good. I think it is true that to have friends we must be a friend. That's hard for someone who is a bit of an introvert, like me. Praying that God will bring you someone who will be a true friend to you and to whom you can be a true friend.

[exOBCstudent]

My mother used a couple of his drawings for her books. I think this one is really appropriate for many of us:

[Qrayze]

that is a great pic!

[Don]

Tia,
Im catching up on the forum reading that I have been away from for awhile. I totally understand what you are saying. While I count many of the folks on here as my cyber friends and I appreciate and love you all... when I face reality, and look around, take stock in who I count as my friends.... well, I have fingers left over on the one hand I use to count them.
One is halfway across the country but we still talk on a regular basis. The other is from work/church (we worked together and go to church together) and since he had taken a early retirement package I just get to see him at church.

I have had a hard time breaking the attitude that I can only have "church" friends. I have found that I don't trust anyone enough to let them into my life but, perhaps more importantly, I have found that I am unwilling to invest myself in someone else again. I will be friendly and have a good time with those I am with, when I am with them... but at the end of the day I go home alone.

I invested my self in one who I desperately wanted to be his friend. I was there for him 24/7 and I suffered through all his trials. It got to the point I got fearful of what the next phone call might bring. In the end I found I was being played. He was orchestrating all this turmoil in order to stroke his own ego and build his "legend" as an IFB pastor. I was just a useful idiot in his game.

Enough about me, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your quest. Friendship, human compassion, that connection that we crave with others is elusive, and sometimes painful. And sometimes it isn't available for us no matter how much we want it.

May the Lord bless you with the true friends you are seeking.

[amyrose5]

I've whined about this very thing enough that I think you know I understand, too.

Of course, I'm in a "group" that is destined to be friendless. So I don't know that anything will change for me.