Didn't want to post this on facebook, but

[leaving]

It was like this for about six months after leaving fundamentalism for me. My few "friends" dropped me like a hot potato.

Eventually, after I had gone through a time of loneliness that, while not fun, I believe God had a plan for, he gave me some friends.

The problem is, when we're in that situation, it's tough. I enjoy talking with you on Facebook but I realize that being in a different country I can't help much. We do go to the same school, though (well, for now), that's one thing we have in common. We are both fed up with fundamentalism, that's another, and, I don't like your old pastor either.

Anyhow, you can always hit me up on chat but yeah it's tough.

[boymom]

(06-09-2012 10:27 AM)amyrose5 Wrote:  Of course, I'm in a "group" that is destined to be friendless. So I don't know that anything will change for me.

What group is that?

[amyrose5]

(06-11-2012 11:02 AM)boymom Wrote:  

(06-09-2012 10:27 AM)amyrose5 Wrote:  Of course, I'm in a "group" that is destined to be friendless. So I don't know that anything will change for me.

What group is that?

Past a certain age, married and childless.

If I were single, I could hang out in the gaggles of middle aged single women that appear everywhere. I know people who hang out in these groups. I got married and am thus no longer invited.

Other childless married people around are a lot younger than me. They don't invite "old" people to join their groups.

As for the women my age, most have kids and most of the ones I know have the mindset that childless women have nothing in common with them forevermore.

[Qrayze]

I think it may have more to do with your personality than your status of married/childless. Most people can only handle a depressing person for so long before they start finding excuses to not be around that person anymore.

A good start might be to never talk about your sister-in-law ever ever again. And I do mean never. If you want friends, you have to realize that the majority of people aren't going to care about the cronic domestic problems you face. They are yours to face alone. Or you could just, ya know, let it go so it isn't a problem for you anymore either.

Unless you enjoy the drama. There are some people who crave drama in their lives, so they use any means necessary to create it. If that's the case, I feel sorry for your sister-in-law.

Oh, here's an idea; since you can't beat your SIL, join her! There, problem solved; found a friend for you!

[amyrose5]

Okay, Qrayze.

Whatever floats your boat.

I have some very good friends. They just happen to live quite faraway from me. The closest one is five hours away.


I made the very bad mistake of thinking I could vent a bit about my SiL here. I have already informed you all elsewhere that it was a mistake and that I will not do it again. Ever. I don't vent that much about her anywhere else. For the record, I am now participating in a support forum for people who have relationships with people with personality disorders. They don't find her behavior unusual, nor do they judge and curse me. The judgmental responses here have been disgusting, quite frankly.

It has ended any notion I had that this could be a supportive community in any way. Those who vent or ask for support will get a little bit and then the resident critics will swoop in to tell them what wrong with them and tear them down.

My post above was not meant to whine or be depressing. It is just a fact. I live in a small town in the Midwest (and have not lived here for long). There aren't many people here to begin with. And social outlets here are centered on families with children, particularly those for women. My social outlets revolved around the school where I taught. Leaving there left me with few connections and my schooling means that I am, by necessity, isolated at home alone. It is what it is. It may change when I am employed again. It may not.

[Lady Julian]

(06-11-2012 03:55 PM)amyrose5 Wrote:  I live in a small town in the Midwest (and have not lived here for long). There aren't many people here to begin with. And social outlets here are centered on families with children, particularly those for women. My social outlets revolved around the school where I taught. Leaving there left me with few connections and my schooling means that I am, by necessity, isolated at home alone. It is what it is. It may change when I am employed again. It may not.

When I returned to the States after living in the Czech Republic for six months, someone warned me that the United States was "unfriendly". My first reaction was disbelief. Americans are infamous for being the most friendly people on the planet, often too friendly even. Then I got home and discovered just how unfriendly we are.

Americans operate in these social bubbles, in which we are very friendly with the people that we deliberately choose to come into contact with: We choose to see the people at work, at a sports or activity club, at church; our individual cars (as opposed to public transportation) guarantee that we don't really see many other people and that we have a strict limit on the amount of time that we spend with people. And, of course, that people who don't fit into these bubbles comfortably (the unmarried bubble, the children bubble, etc) are excluded.

All this to say: I sympathize. It's tough being left out of the bubble. I too live in the Midwest, with a vast majority of people my age being married.
I'm glad you've found a good place online for support. Hopefully you, and Tiarali, can find more real-life friends in the near future.