Teaching your kids about sex

[laurat99]

Regarding pre-marital sex, so many times people aren't emotionally ready for the place that will take your relationship, so it's wiser to wait. I do understand hormones and heat of the moments gets in the way.

[briceman]

I am hoping to be very open to our daughter about sex, and I hope she sees a very firey relationship from her parents. Full of flirting, kissing, etc. And when we reveal that we did wait for each other and how amazing it was, I hope that knowledge, even on a pragmatic level guides her to not sin and be biblical in the practice of sex.

[aisforazebra]

My approach has always been very simple: when he asks questions, I will answer honestly (and age-appropriately). He's 6 1/2 now, and he knows:

- boys and girls have different parts
- when he touches his penis, it gets big, and that's okay but it's a private thing
- babies grow inside their mommies
- mommies have breasts to make milk to feed babies
- it takes a mommy and a daddy to make a baby

He also is really into biology and animals (especially birds and dinosaurs), and he knows that animals "mate" and that's how they make babies. I don't know if he's made the connection to people, though. Husband and I are trying to get pregnant, so I'm sure there will be more discussion soon. We're planning a home birth, and if he wanted to be there, I would be okay with that (though I doubt he will).

Regarding waiting... I don't know. Waiting till marriage would be great, but if not, that's fine. I didn't, and I have no regrets. When that time comes, I want to make sure he's got his head on straight, understands that sex is a serious thing, and knows enough to be careful. Ideally sex would only be with a committed partner (though, again, it wasn't always for me).

I'm not worried about it. I'm just taking it one step at a time.

[Bob M]

I heard Elizabeth Elliot say you don't need to teach them anything. They'll figure it out.

[Naomi]

(05-25-2012 11:49 PM)aisforazebra Wrote:  My approach has always been very simple: when he asks questions, I will answer honestly (and age-appropriately). ...
I'm not worried about it. I'm just taking it one step at a time.

That all sounds like what I want to do with my kids!

(05-26-2012 05:18 PM)Bob M Wrote:  I heard Elizabeth Elliot say you don't need to teach them anything. They'll figure it out.

LOL! This is a recipe for a very healthy sex life.

[WanderingTraveler]

(05-26-2012 05:18 PM)Bob M Wrote:  I heard Elizabeth Elliot say you don't need to teach them anything. They'll figure it out.

That would work great if the same people who thought that their kids would "figure it out" also didn't teach them that sex is dirty or shameful.
Yeah, they will figure it out, but they will think something is wrong with them because they are having these seemingly dirty and shameful desires.

My parents taught me nothing about sex and it wasn't until I was in my 20s that I realized that things I was feeling and things that were happening to me were not wrong, but natural. Thank God I had sense enough to educate myself and have a pretty healthy view of sex by the time I got married.

[Strangly Warmed]

I'm up front with my kids. As a youth worker, I tell my kids that the best is to wait. However, I worked as an RN in the ER, and saw what happens with unprotected sex - STD, babies - so always tell them if they decide to have sex to use protection.

I also tell them that condoms arent 100% reliable. I know because my first time (I was 24) was with my gf, and the condom broke. Made for a nervous month!

[lucrezaborgia]

I'm a bit confused. What does teaching a child about the mechanics of sex and how to protect oneself have to do with waiting for marriage? You can be fully knowledgeable about sex without having sex and it wouldn't be a minus for when you are in a relationship or marriage. Do you feel that if you are open about it you are somehow ruining their innocence or giving them ideas?

[WanderingTraveler]

On one of the other discussion boards I am on, there has been a discussion about this topic going on for a few weeks now. It really surprises me how many people there are in their 20s and 30s who have no idea what sex is really about, or what happens or anything (even from a medical standpoint.)
I am not saying that by the time you are in your 20s and 30s that you should have experienced all of it, but good grief! At least educate yourself before you go around posting your "opinion" of what happens all over the internet.
There are a few people in particular who, from what I have gathered from their posts, have no experience and are not married, and yet they are "calling out" all the married people who are trying to be as delicate as possible while discussing this with people who have genuine questions, because they really don't know.

I will most definitely be teaching my children age-appropriate lessons on sex. I would hate for them to grow up, and then start reading some of the nonsense that other Christians spew all over the internet about sex, when some of it comes from people who have no idea what they are talking about!

[leaving]

Sex education to me isn't a time where you sit down and have "the talk" with your kids. I mean, for us sex education is ongoing and happens as the need arises. My five year old knows that boys and girls are different, he knows the correct name of his parts, he knows that his parts are just for him to touch, or mommy and daddy only if they are helping him clean it or something of that nature, or the doctor if it doesn't feel good.

I want my kids to wait for marriage but the odds of all four of them doing that are pretty low, and so they are going to be educated on safe sex methods. There are some schools here where a lot of the girls are pregnant, sometimes on their second child before leaving high school and I think part of the problem is because the parents refuse to allow sex ed to be taught and they don't really teach it either.