Doubting your salvation

[pastor's wife]

I remember feeling horrible at family camp once when I was young because they sang a song around the campfire about what day you were saved and when it reached the day of the week you were saved on, you were supposed to stand. I had no idea what the date was, much less the day of the week, and I was afraid that people would think I wasn't saved.

I remember being scared because I had doubts. "Do you know that you know that you know that you're saved?" was a question I'd secretly always answer with "No", but their only answer would have been to pray AGAIN and hope it "took" that time. I didn't want to do that because, not only was it embarrassing, but it also seemed rather silly, to keep asking God over and over and over for the same thing when He'd promised to save those who call on His Name. My only other option was to assume I was an Esau, unable to find repentance though I sought it with tears. This thought was terrifying.

The issue of assurance of salvation was probably the thing that bothered me the most growing up (thankfully, I wasn't in a child-abuse-covering-up, pastor-as-tyrant type church); tie this in with the fear of being left behind at the rapture and I spent a lot of sleepless hours in bed being scared and trying desperately to "feel" saved.

In the end, I have to let it go and just trust God and stop trying to feel and do and be the way so many evangelists preached.

[redbeardiam]

(05-10-2012 07:40 AM)pastors wife Wrote:  I remember feeling horrible at family camp once when I was young because they sang a song around the campfire about what day you were saved and when it reached the day of the week you were saved on, you were supposed to stand. I had no idea what the date was, much less the day of the week, and I was afraid that people would think I wasn't saved.

Since you got it stuck in my head, here you go. I intentionally picked the worst version I saw...

For the uninitiated, imagine that at some point they started singing 'Happened on a Monday, somebody touched me...' followed by all the days of the week. When it got to your day you were supposed to stand up. I couldn't find a version where they actually do that, but you'll see what I'm talking about in about 30 seconds.

[zeusTHEgoose]

(05-10-2012 01:10 PM)redbeardiam Wrote:  

(05-10-2012 07:40 AM)pastors wife Wrote:  I remember feeling horrible at family camp once when I was young because they sang a song around the campfire about what day you were saved and when it reached the day of the week you were saved on, you were supposed to stand. I had no idea what the date was, much less the day of the week, and I was afraid that people would think I wasn't saved.

Since you got it stuck in my head, here you go. I intentionally picked the worst version I saw...

For the uninitiated, imagine that at some point they started singing 'Happened on a Monday, somebody touched me...' followed by all the days of the week. When it got to your day you were supposed to stand up. I couldn't find a version where they actually do that, but you'll see what I'm talking about in about 30 seconds.

Horror Horror Horror, Somebody shoot me,
Horror Horror Horror, Somebody shoot me,
Horror Horror Horror, Somebody shoot me,
Musta been the worst I'er heard.

[JimE]

I use to doubt all of the time. I don't have a clue when, where, who, why, how I was saved. I use to know these things cause they were so important in Fundyland. I do know that I am trusting God. That this trust was given to me by God. Since God controls the gates of heaven, only God can save and only God determines and controls everything about salvation. So, I can't do anything else but trust Him. There is simply nothing to do, nothing to fear, nothing to doubt.

[redhot]

(05-10-2012 07:40 AM)pastors wife Wrote:  I remember feeling horrible at family camp once when I was young because they sang a song around the campfire about what day you were saved and when it reached the day of the week you were saved on, you were supposed to stand. I had no idea what the date was, much less the day of the week, and I was afraid that people would think I wasn't saved.

Our church made an allowance for this by singing this verse at the end of the song : "It was on a great day somebody touched me." If you didn't know the day, you could stand for that verse.

[Paisley]

Wow, I went through that. I had many sleepless nights because of it. I got saved and baptized at four and twelve, and had many prayers in between that I hoped (to use Pastor's Wife's word) "took." After I was married, I finally talked to my pastor (an un-fundy man who was a terrific pastor but screwed up and isn't in the ministry anymore which is a real shame) and he asked me, "Well, don't you think God meant it - that He would save you?" From that point forward I've had very few doubts, and when I feel those little thoughts creeping in I remind myself that He meant it when he said he'd saved me.
As an adult now, I'm surprised to see that almost everyone I know (and BTW, everyone I know is in fundyland) has had doubts about their salvation. As a parent, I want to know what I can do to make sure my children don't do the same. One of them (at five years old) wanted to get saved so we explained it, he prayed, and now claims salvation. I want to know what to do now so that he doesn't feel like I did when I was growing up -- terrified that the rapture would happen and I'd be left behind. Any ideas (he's still five; it was recent)?

[Presbygirl]

@Paisley. The Triune God through the Holy Spirit initiated your son's salvation. Not your son. Please tell him and yourself that "He who has begun a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ." Phil 1:6. God starts it and finishes it. Your son is now free to live a life filled with grace and love for others because of what Christ did for all of us. Child like faith is a beautiful thing.

[aisforazebra]

Oh goodness yes. I was "saved" at age 7 simply because my mother pressured me into it. I guess she thought I should have gotten it done already; I distinctly remember sitting at the kitchen table and her asking me, "Why aren't you saved yet?" So I prayed a prayer and was told that if I meant it, I was saved.

I meant it as much as I could, but I didn't really understand it, and I just wanted to get her off my back. I was baptized 2 years later and it meant nothing to me. But I was a PK and I was expected to, y'know? Doesn't look good if the pastor's kids aren't on the membership roll. For the next 11 years, I constantly doubted. Honestly I don't think I was saved. I had head knowledge, but it wasn't real to me. It never clicked, so to speak. It wasn't personal, just something I did bc it was the right thing to do.

I was actually saved, I believe, at PCC. That's the one thing I got out of my almost-a-semester. My prayer group took a week for everyone to share their testimony, and I spent the entire week freaking out because I didn't really have one. I don't remember what I said when my turn came around, but I got through it. I was mostly honest, I think. But later that night I was thinking about it, and what I kept coming back to was that I couldn't accept salvation because I didn't deserve it. Until it finally dawned on me that OF COURSE I don't deserve it, because that's the entire POINT.

I haven't doubted since. I definitely have moments (weeks, months...) of feeling like it's all head knowledge and not real, but I think that's just leftover fundy brainwashing. I remember going to summer camp every year, being asked by the counselors and guest speakers and such if we were SURE, really SURE, and if you're not sure, you better make sure! Honestly, I think some people press for assurance "decisions" to boost their numbers. It's easy enough to do with kids. Fundies in general, really, but especially kids, I would think.

Oh, and I was baptized 2-ish years later. At a fundy church, but it was legit this time.