This is How it Feels to be Free ...

[Jenni]

So, if you have left Fundyism behind, think back to those days before you actually left, when you knew you needed to go but hadn't yet done so. What were you most looking forward to doing "on the outside"?

Me, I was looking forward to being an adult. At 30, you would think I would have been allowed to choose my own entertainment, clothing, church, version of the Bible, recreation, etc. None of these things were free choices for me, though, so I was glad when I left and I could finally use my brain and my Bible to make my own choices.

[supernova8610]

I didn't grow up in the IFB/IFBx world, but in the 6 1/2 years I spent in it, I felt like I was being stifled, to a certain extent. There are a lot of things I kept quiet about when I was there, but now that I've left, I feel so much more free!

[steviusthedevious]

(02-06-2011 10:29 AM)Jenni Wrote:  What were you most looking forward to doing "on the outside"?

sex, drugs, rock 'n roll. but seriously. i couldn't even comprehend what normality was like. i was looking forward to being on my own, responsible, able to smoke the occasional pipe, and drink beer. i was looking forward to playing my music loud, and not having to go to bed at midnight.

when i really found out what life is like, my mind done got blown. beer only tastes good with meat and pizza. smoking, if done more than a couple times a week is blasé, and playing loud music takes a toll on my aural capacities. not going to bed at midnight is overrated as well - i work thirdshift now, and it's a royal pain sometimes.

there is one thing among all these others which does stand out - i found a woman, or perhaps she found me. through our relationship, i have seen a genuine faith, and daily reliance on God. she has pushed me to man up and take responsibility, but is always there when i need to feel vulnerable. she is terribly honest and blunt, she takes the best from me and leaves the worst, and gives her best to me. she is real, and good, and kind, and better than i can hope to be. she is physical and ethereal, and i love her deeply. she doesn't have inbuilt mores which repress human desire, and she wants me for who i am. she thinks i am good and kind and loving, when i know better.

in summary, i found less than i expected, and more than i hoped.

[Faith]

I was looking forward to a life that wasn't completely governed by rules I had no say in. When I got out, I grew my hair (and my beard ), went to rock concerts and movies, experimented with drinking and smoking, etc.

I still wasn't free of fundamentalism 15 years after I left, things they programmed into me still had power over my life. Things about outside appearances being important, things about gender roles, things about sexual orientation - those things were very hard to let go of. Once I released those things to God and began to understand what grace really means, I was able to completely leave fundamentalism behind and live a life of real freedom. Now that I am finally free, my life is more wonderful than I ever dreamed it could be.

[LutheranEmily]

I was looking forward to not doubting my salvation.

[pastor's wife]

I stepped away from KJV-only, no movies, skirts-only position around college although sometimes the churches/schools we were in required me to follow those guidelines. We tried to be balanced and Biblical.

But now that we've stepped outside our circles, I'm LOVING worshipping the Lord with loud, vibrant praise music and even lifting my hands in worship (OK, I've only done it twice, but still . . .!), and I love being able to fellowship with people of other denominations. We're in a pastor's network for evangelicals and it's so wonderful to find brothers and sisters in Christ where formerly we only saw "compromisers and liberals."

[Jenni]

(02-06-2011 06:41 PM)pastors wife Wrote:  I'm LOVING worshipping the Lord with loud, vibrant praise music and even lifting my hands in worship (OK, I've only done it twice, but still . . .!),

It took me quite a few months at my non-denom church here to get used to the hand-raising and clapping. Not that I was uncomfortable with others doing so, but rather to get to the point where I could do so and not feel awkward and wrong. It was SO freeing this morning to raise my hands in worship without feeling guilty. It's so amazing to be able to give God the praise He deserves - not icky, stilted, focused-on-what-others-around-me-think-of-me-praise, but real, heartfelt praise.

[pastor's wife]

@Jenni, I'm still at the feeling awkward and wrong stage. I know it's not wrong and I don't mind other people doing it, but it's hard to break out of my stiff, self-conscious reserve. Inside I'm dancing with joy at the thought of what Christ has done for me, but outside, I usually just sing really loud. I think that's one reason some people were so opposed to our using a projection screen: if we're not holding hymnals, what are we going to do with our hands? God forbid we clap or raise them!

[elfdream]

I was glad to be free of the critical spirit. There was a time when no one could do anything right. No one could sing a solo or give a testimony or dress right without someone whispering about it. Yes I caught the bug and did some of the negative feedback myself....I think that was the last thing to go.

I remember wondering 'Why am I doing this? Does it really matter if the song isn't note perfect?" It was very freeing to NOT be constantly complaining about something!

[Lizzy F.]

Quote:So, if you have left Fundyism behind, think back to those days before you actually left, when you knew you needed to go but hadn't yet done so. What were you most looking forward to doing "on the outside"?

The three big things were:

*No longer being in church for three sessions on Sunday. (Adult SS, regular service, and evening service)

*No longer having my tastes in entertainment/music/reading questioned.

*Reading something other than KJV. I was very humbled when I couldn't make it through Moll Flanders, which was written 100 years after the KJV was published. If I couldn't make it through a novel, then I knew that the barely literate people in my church couldn't be really understanding the KJV.