Carrying Guilt

[Mommy2Kids]

I don't know if it's a fundy thing, or a birth order thing, or just me...

I feel guilty about EVERYthing.

Sometimes I'm aware that Satan is attacking me and using guilt to steal my joy, but mostly I see everything I am not doing and have not done and wish I could change.

I especially feel guilt about my weight, my procrastination and my angry, impatient responses to my kids.

This is not the person I want to be.

[Mominator]

(04-27-2012 11:52 AM)Mommy2Kids Wrote:  I don't know if it's a fundy thing, or a birth order thing, or just me...

I feel guilty about EVERYthing.

Sometimes I'm aware that Satan is attacking me and using guilt to steal my joy, but mostly I see everything I am not doing and have not done and wish I could change.

I especially feel guilt about my weight, my procrastination and my angry, impatient responses to my kids.

This is not the person I want to be.

Wow. That's me to a T! And I think it's b/c of my upbringing AND the five years I spent in FundyLand. I had an abusive stepfather who was very critical. My grandmother told me if I didn't help my mom and behave myself (this was right after my mom divorced my dad b/c he was an alcoholic) my mom would pack her bags and never come back. I spent my whole life trying to be perfect and I think I've pictured God like this too.

I was impatient with my kids today when they were cleaning LOL.

I listened to Chip Ingram on our local Christian radio and he said "are you the type of Christian who focuses on your mistakes?" That's the FIRST time I've ever heard a preacher say that. He said to let go of our mistakes but boy is that hard for me.

Are you a firstborn? I am and I had a lot of responsibility foisted on me when I was 10.

This site has helped me so much already. I've never met Christians that I can be myself with. We haven't been to church in 9 years. We moved away from both our families after 9/11 b/c my husband lost his job. I feel so isolated!

[Mommy2Kids]

I'm 2nd born. A "fixer" or "peacemaker". I had to work to earn my mom's approval, too. Maybe that's a key component?

IDK. I just know that I feel like I never measure up to my own expectations.

[elfdream]

It gets to the place where worry and guilt are so prevalent in our minds that we think of it as NORMAL. If we aren't worrying or feeling guilty then we are somehow 'bad' or falling down on the job or something. I have no idea where that mindset comes from. Maybe its from fundy preachers/ family members beating us over the head with all the things that 'could' go wrong if we don't do things a certain way. When we try to do without it and push it down it feels weird...like something is missing and we need something to fill up the space. Its like a mental addiction.

I've been trying to find something that I'm calling 'The Middle Way' which is somewhere in between fundyism and liberalism. I do have personal standards for me alone but at the same time I don't want them to rule my life. I want to stop obsessing over things that are out of my control.

One thing that I'm working on currently is to not let anything 'consume' my mind. Not worry, not guilt. Whenever it comes up I tell myself "I can't let 'that' consume me'. the only thing that should 'consume' me should be the Love of God and neighbor. (sorry if that sounds like a spiritual band-aid!)

It was really hard at first to push it down and move on to something else but it is getting easier.

[elizabethn]

(04-27-2012 11:52 AM)Mommy2Kids Wrote:  I don't know if it's a fundy thing, or a birth order thing, or just me...

I feel guilty about EVERYthing.

Sometimes I'm aware that Satan is attacking me and using guilt to steal my joy, but mostly I see everything I am not doing and have not done and wish I could change.

I especially feel guilt about my weight, my procrastination and my angry, impatient responses to my kids.

This is not the person I want to be.

I think in some cases it's as much a personality trait as anything else. Unfortunately, in our (hopefully former) circles, this trait gets exploited as one of the major control mechanisms .

Silly question: What would happen if you turned your back on the guilt and focused on what's good in your life and your walk with God?

[Ricardo]

It is also possible that it is all a matter of hormones/ NATURAL chemical imbalances in your body.

Talk to a counselor, consult with a psychiatrist.

If our bodies could not regulate our levels of insulin, few of us would ignore it. If our eyes did not focus correctly, few of us would say "that is simply the way God made me," and go on our merry way.

Same with regulating Dopamine in our bodies.

On the other hand, it could simply be moral weakness on your part...

[beensetfree]

(04-27-2012 11:52 AM)Mommy2Kids Wrote:  I don't know if it's a fundy thing, or a birth order thing, or just me...

I feel guilty about EVERYthing.

Sometimes I'm aware that Satan is attacking me and using guilt to steal my joy, but mostly I see everything I am not doing and have not done and wish I could change.

I especially feel guilt about my weight, my procrastination and my angry, impatient responses to my kids.

This is not the person I want to be.

I'm sorry Mommy2Kids and can definitely relate. Without trying to sound contrived or religious. Jesus has accomplished everything FOR you. Seriously.
In this age we are dealing with the flesh, the world and the devil. But Jesus is still your Savior. He's interceding for you. He knows your name. He sits on His throne of grace as your merciful Prophet, Priest and King and He is able to understand your weakness. He is mindful of our frames and that we are dust.
And you can tell Him every bit of your struggles without fear of rebuke trusting that He is your Good Shepherd who leads you and ensures your safety. The One who began this good work in you will finish it... Phil 1:6

I'll shoulder some of this burden and lift you up in prayer.

[elfdream]

I think part of it is also the idea that 'out there' there is a perfect Christian wife, mother, husband, dad- whoever that we are constantly comparing ourselves to. They do everything they are supposed to do at exactly the right time and in exactly the right way.

The problem is these people do not exist. I like to call them "Phantom Christians.' They are not real. No human being is like that all the time.

Someone said that most of our problems stem from the fact that we are comparing our 'behind the scenes footage with someone's highlight reel'. We 'think' someone else is perfect when in reality they have as much garbage as you do in your life. They have the same anxieties and worries. You just don't know about it.

So kick the phantom Christian/wife/mother to the curb and quite trying to live up to her impossible standards.

[bean]

I have had TONS of guilt in my life. I think it comes from not feeling like one measures up.
It's getting better.
It's amazing what leaving a performance based church will do for this. I STILL struggle with it but it's about 100% better.

[AngelEyes]

I listen to a lot of sermons by Matt Chandler, and he talks a lot about grace. The more I learn about grace, the more I have hope of overcoming my "guilt" from my IFB days.

Get your hands on some books/sermons about grace. Jesus+Nothing=Everything is another good one. I haven't read the book yet, but I did hear the sermon.

Also, currently I'm reading Ragamuffin Gospel, and it has a lot of good stuff about grace, too.