The ministry project: Probably for women..

[beensetfree]

Maybe you are new to the church or perhaps you have gotten married or recently had a child. Or you just want to deepen your friendships with other women of the faith. You've gotten involved in the women's ministry, attended a luncheon or attended a bible study FOR WOMEN. Women like to get together and share with each other. But at church, all friendliness is not the same. Some friendliness is done with an ulterior ministry motive (umm). It may take quite awhile for you to figure it out.

Have you ever realized that someone has made you their "personal ministry project"? Perhaps you're a "younger" and one of the "older" women involved in church "ministry for women" has taken a shining to you. Despite the fact that you can manage your house, have a good marriage, are training your children in the faith and have an excellent working knowledge of theology and Scripture this woman is determined to find out how she can help you grow spiritually. Unfortunately she's not actually told you this is her plan.

You don't have a bona fide friendship with her though you've always tried to be friendly. It's always seemed a little stiff from her side of things. She asks you personal questions and wants to draw out anything she can from you that she can pray about. How Christian! In fact you may have asked for prayer and exposed your spiritual struggles to her. And oh how she relishes being the strong voice of spiritual guidance with bible verses and home-spun wisdom. She's there to offer advice about your little Suzy's temper and why wouldn't you ask her how to handle it like a Christian; she's told you countless times how her children prayed the sinners prayer at 4 years old and never disobeyed her again! In fact she always seems to offer spiritual advice, even when you don't ask for any.

But when you ask if you can pray for her it seems like she's a little less forthcoming and certainly less personal. Reciprocity isn't really happening like it does in your other relationships.
Perhaps you just thought it's a cultural difference that accounts for her odd demeanor or your age gap or that she really likes you and wants to have a Christian friendship but is interpersonally challenged. Then it hits you. This woman is doing ministry and has set her sights on YOU!

Once you realize this is happening it can really feel like someone impersonated a friendly person just to gain access to your soul. You don't feel safe to share with them anymore. It's downright disturbing.

I'm going to attribute it to women who desperately want to serve in ministry and will create one if necessary. They see the "older woman" as an office like deacon or pastor. Often for the "ministry lady" you are her charge, like it or not. And sometimes it feels like they are filling a void in their life by trying to help you.


Ok, yes I'm being a little snarky. But seriously, does anyone know what I'm talking about? I do think women in church should be different from the world since we are in the body of Christ. We shouldn't despise teaching and should look to older women in the faith. It's wonderful when a friend will pray with and for you. But what I'm talking about is something else altogether.

[notdrinkingthekoolaid]

Oddly enough...I've only experienced the mentoring older/younger women relationship in my current church outside fundyland. And...thankfully, it's been a positive experience. Perhaps the reason I never experienced it in fundyland was because I went to the same church as my parents so everyone assumed my mom had her thumb on my soul.

[beensetfree]

(02-27-2012 04:05 PM)notdrinkingthekoolaid Wrote:  so everyone assumed my mom had her thumb on my soul.

Um, ouch, that's a picture.
Hopefully you will continue to have positive experiences with women's ministries. I know it is possible.
I need/should/can forgive the ministry lady. But it does leave you a little wary.

[notdrinkingthekoolaid]

(02-27-2012 04:14 PM)beensetfree Wrote:  

(02-27-2012 04:05 PM)notdrinkingthekoolaid Wrote:  so everyone assumed my mom had her thumb on my soul.

Um, ouch, that's a picture.
Hopefully you will continue to have positive experiences with women's ministries. I know it is possible.
I need/should/can forgive the ministry lady. But it does leave you a little wary.

Probably not shocking that my mom and I aren't close now that I'm outside fundyland.

I have several older women that I consider friends and respect a great deal. I'm mid 30's with kids aged 10 and under, most of these women are empty nest (or close) mid/late 50s and up. Their kids didn't all turn out perfect. Some of their kids have been to rehab, some didn't carry on the faith of their parents at all, some are divorced, you get the idea. But these women have taught me so much just by being real.