Divorce and Remarriage

[Recovering]

One of my fundy friends posted this link on facebook today. Basic gist: a woman divorced her husband because he (and possibly she; it's unclear) was previously married, which she decides makes her an adultress. I think it's terribly sad, but I'm wondering how others of you might react to her arguments and what other denominations teach on the subject.

[JordanMaria]

So.... she believes divorce is wrong and god a divorce because of the previous divorce.

She just put another "sin" on top of her other "sin".

That totally makes sense.

Sad.

I feel very bad for the poor man.

[Darrell]

I think people often rationalize what they want to do with "biblical" talk.

I'm going to bet her second marriage was bad and this is just a way out.

[redhot]

I recently moved out of my house after discovering that my husband has spent $10,000 on Internet porn and $6,000 on gym memberships and personal trainers in the past 18 months. My sister says his porn addiction is my fault because men find me attractive and it made him feel insecure. Of course my IFB pastor and my dad, who is also IFB, say I should go back... forgive seventy times seven, marriage pictures relationship between Christ and the church, etc. I haven't filed for divorce yet, since I teach in the church's school and don't want to lose my job. Scared to even think about remarriage; I'll probably be ostracized from my family. In the mean time, due to his inability to perform with a live woman, it's been more than a year since.... The Bible does say it's better to marry than to burn so I think based on need, I'll be getting remarried.
Scripturally speaking, my brother says that marriage is a covenant between two people and if one person breaks it, the other person is free. I believe even a strict anti-divorce advocate would say that live, online porn chat is covered under "fornication".

[laurat99]

My husband was divorced when we met, and I had serious "Is it Scriptural?" reservations about marrying him. His ex had already re-married (3 days after the divorce was final, nice), so after much prayer and deliveration, I felt at peace to marry him. The church I was attending at the time, the Pastor wouldn't marry us, because he doesn't perform weddings when one of the participants is divorced. That threw a wrench into our plans, but since I'd known this pastor all my life (went to school with his kids since Kindergarten) I respected this as his personal decision, not an "institutional" one.

As to the original question, you can't right a wrong by committing another wrong.

RedHot, I'm sorry for your situation.

[lucrezaborgia]

(03-11-2012 02:56 PM)redhot Wrote:  my husband has spent $10,000 on Internet porn and $6,000 on gym memberships and personal trainers in the past 18 months.

The gym and personal trainers I can see spending that amount. Not that it's justified but they can be quite expensive.

The porn however...

That's awful that he has been doing that to you.

[Tiarali]

Sorry redhot.

There are fundies who will victimise a woman no matter what her husband's been caught doing, even if it's obviously fornication, and even if it gets him on a sex register. Women are scum. Men rule. Haymen?

Ugh.

[Sharon]

(03-11-2012 02:56 PM)redhot Wrote:  I recently moved out of my house after discovering that my husband has spent $10,000 on Internet porn and $6,000 on gym memberships and personal trainers in the past 18 months. My sister says his porn addiction is my fault because men find me attractive and it made him feel insecure. Of course my IFB pastor and my dad, who is also IFB, say I should go back... forgive seventy times seven, marriage pictures relationship between Christ and the church, etc. I haven't filed for divorce yet, since I teach in the church's school and don't want to lose my job. Scared to even think about remarriage; I'll probably be ostracized from my family. In the mean time, due to his inability to perform with a live woman, it's been more than a year since.... The Bible does say it's better to marry than to burn so I think based on need, I'll be getting remarried.
Scripturally speaking, my brother says that marriage is a covenant between two people and if one person breaks it, the other person is free. I believe even a strict anti-divorce advocate would say that live, online porn chat is covered under "fornication".

I will say--as a divorced & remarried woman--that you need to move back into the marital home and then go talk to a lawyer. By leaving the home, your claim to half-ownership is weakened.

Actually, you should talk to a lawyer anyway. They'll often do a consult like this for free, and it can help you understand the system--that you never thought you'd use. Take a copy of your work contract, too. {note: I'm sorry for your situation, I really am. I realise this post seems like I'm only interested in protecting your rights and your property and how to profit, but I'm not. I believe it is no virtue to be ignorant of the workings of the legal system.}

IMO there are too many people involved in "saving" your marriage. The only people who count are you & what's-his-name. Your pastor paying off the porn bills? Your dad? No? Then they don't get to vote. (Even if they are paying off the porn bills, they don't get to vote, but you know. Argue to the absurd or something. I'd look up the Latin, but that's what the catlicks use.)

And, I'm sorry, but it's your fault for being too pretty? That is insane. Stop listening to your crazy sister. (ok now I'm done.)

[WifeofBill]

I'm so sorry Redhot. It's not your fault that your husband is addicted to porn. It sounds like he kept the $16,000 a secret from you. He's wrong for that as well.

Do you have any non fundy friends or family you can talk with?

As for your sister, ugh.

[Qrayze]

(03-12-2012 01:01 AM)tiarali Wrote:  Sorry redhot.

There are fundies who will victimise a woman no matter what her husband's been caught doing, even if it's obviously fornication, and even if it gets him on a sex register. Women are scum. Men rule. Haymen?

Ugh.

I was taught in a "Biblical Standards" summer-school class at HAC that no matter how the marriage ends, it's the wife's fault. Husband cheated? the wife should've treated him better. Wife cheated? she should learn to like what she has.

The douche who taught this was Mike Fish, and I called his BS on it right away. I was totally drinking the koolaid then, but the circular reasoning was just so obvious. The thing was, NOBODY else in the class spoke out in agreement with me, not even my boyfriend at the time. (who is now my ex-husband)

The sadistic bastard put this "lesson" on the final, damn him, so I ended up answering the way he wanted me to because I wanted a high GPA. (not that it means anything now!)

I'm so sorry you're going thru this, redhot. Divorce sucks major balls.