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~~Persnickety Polecat~~ · 05-03-2012, 02:56 PM

Eh, God divorced Israel.

And I'm not the perfect wife, either. IS there such a thing as a perfect wife?

Yeah. Didn't think so.

**Naomi** · 05-03-2012, 03:36 PM

(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: you cannot say that you've been the perfect wife either (that's not to justify his sin).

Crossing the line. Irrelevant and inappropriate.

(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: Two Christians are not to divorce.

You can't believe that.

OK, you're now a woman. You married a husband who turned out to be a pedophile, and also happens to be emotionally and physically abusive. You have children. What does God want you to do? Honestly, what do you believe? Stay married? Stay in the home? Report him to the police? What? Be a martyr? Does him saying he's "Christian" give him a free pass to your pants and a piece of paper legally connecting you for life? Or do you have a responsibility to protect yourself and your children and to show them a healthy environment by divorcing and doing whatever you need to do to be healthy, possibly remarrying? I think your interpretation is wrong, and one-size-fits-all marriage advice doesn't work.

**redhot** · 05-03-2012, 03:45 PM

(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: It isn't my plan or goal to make you feel bad, but, if you're being honest, you cannot say that you've been the perfect wife either

It has been my experience that when someone says, "not trying to make you feel bad" or "don't want to hurt your feelings", they are getting ready to say something that will do that very thing. I'm trying to figure out what your statement has to do with the original question. If you read all 100 + posts on this thread, I don't think you will ever see me claim to be the perfect wife. I believe the question was, "What does the Bible say about remarriage?" not "Let's take a poll and ask whose fault this divorce is!"

My family has responded with such gems as, "It's your fault he looked at porn cuz he's insecure that men hit on you" to "What did you do drive him away?" In light of comments like that from people who are supposed to love and support me, a self-righteous post such as yours does not make me feel bad as much as it annoys me and makes me thankful for my true friends who have offered love and support during this difficult time.

Guilt Ridden · 05-03-2012, 04:17 PM

(05-03-2012 03:45 PM)redhot Wrote:
(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: It isn't my plan or goal to make you feel bad, but, if you're being honest, you cannot say that you've been the perfect wife either

It has been my experience that when someone says, "not trying to make you feel bad" or "don't want to hurt your feelings", they are getting ready to say something that will do that very thing. I'm trying to figure out what your statement has to do with the original question. If you read all 100 + posts on this thread, I don't think you will ever see me claim to be the perfect wife. I believe the question was, "What does the Bible say about remarriage?" not "Let's take a poll and ask whose fault this divorce is!"

My family has responded with such gems as, "It's your fault he looked at porn cuz he's insecure that men hit on you" to "What did you do drive him away?" In light of comments like that from people who are supposed to love and support me, a self-righteous post such as yours does not make me feel bad as much as it annoys me and makes me thankful for my true friends who have offered love and support during this difficult time.

I only meant that all are sinners. I don't have to know anyone to say that they are not perfect. I agree; this isn't a blame game.

You had asked, and I wrote what what I think the Bible says about it. No one here was talking about what God would have you do -- it was all their own philosophy.

You seem like a really nice person, and I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I really do wish you well.

Your husband clearly has problems (which I said). You wrote that his pastor is (apparently) helping your husband, which I find terrible.

I'm also saying that when a marriage has problems, it is almost never only one person's fault entirely... Your case may be a 99-1 ratio. I don't know, and, frankly, I'm not your judge.

Guilt Ridden · 05-03-2012, 04:20 PM

(05-03-2012 03:36 PM)Naomi Wrote:
(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: you cannot say that you've been the perfect wife either (that's not to justify his sin).

Crossing the line. Irrelevant and inappropriate.

(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: Two Christians are not to divorce.

You can't believe that.

OK, you're now a woman. You married a husband who turned out to be a pedophile, and also happens to be emotionally and physically abusive. You have children. What does God want you to do? Honestly, what do you believe? Stay married? Stay in the home? Report him to the police? What? Be a martyr? Does him saying he's "Christian" give him a free pass to your pants and a piece of paper legally connecting you for life? Or do you have a responsibility to protect yourself and your children and to show them a healthy environment by divorcing and doing whatever you need to do to be healthy, possibly remarrying? I think your interpretation is wrong, and one-size-fits-all marriage advice doesn't work.

If I were a women with an abusive husband, I'd leave him and try to get him help, or arrested, depending upon the abuse. I would not divorce him. A married woman hopefully has a father, or brothers, or a pastor who can be a help.

Jeremy · 05-03-2012, 04:21 PM

(05-03-2012 04:17 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote: I'm also saying that when a marriage has problems, it is almost never only one person's fault entirely... Your case may be a 99-1 ratio. I don't know, and, frankly, I'm not your judge.

Guilt Ridden · 05-03-2012, 04:24 PM

By the way, the real OP has had only one response in all of this -- it became all about "RedHot" and her husband's problems.

Back to the real OP, I think the lady is sincere, but I think she's wrong to compound the problem by divorcing her husband. I've heard teachings along those lines.

If she believes she sinned in marrying her second husband, OK, she sinned. But leaving him isn't the answer. Confess the sin, and don't leave this husband and remarry (which would be to repeat the sin).

**Tiarali** · 05-03-2012, 04:36 PM

The bible makes it clear that a man lusting after a woman has committed adultery, and is honest enough to not go and blame the man's wife. The bible also says that one of two cases where divorce is accepted is when one partner is involved in sexual immorality. And again, it doesnt go and blame the faithful partner.

But let's ignore all that, Guilt Ridden likes keeping women submissive in abusive and horrible marriages, so let's just go with his personal preference, ok?

Honestly, mate, I'm glad you feel guilt. You make me sick.

~~Persnickety Polecat~~ · 05-03-2012, 04:49 PM

(05-03-2012 04:36 PM)tiarali Wrote: The bible makes it clear that a man lusting after a woman has committed adultery, and is honest enough to not go and blame the man's wife. The bible also says that one of two cases where divorce is accepted is when one partner is involved in sexual immorality. And again, it doesnt go and blame the faithful partner.

But let's ignore all that, Guilt Ridden likes keeping women submissive in abusive and horrible marriages, so let's just go with his personal preference, ok?

Honestly, mate, I'm glad you feel guilt. You make me sick.

Love this.

~~Persnickety Polecat~~ · 05-03-2012, 04:54 PM

(05-03-2012 04:20 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote:
(05-03-2012 03:36 PM)Naomi Wrote: Crossing the line. Irrelevant and inappropriate.

You can't believe that.

OK, you're now a woman. You married a husband who turned out to be a pedophile, and also happens to be emotionally and physically abusive. You have children. What does God want you to do? Honestly, what do you believe? Stay married? Stay in the home? Report him to the police? What? Be a martyr? Does him saying he's "Christian" give him a free pass to your pants and a piece of paper legally connecting you for life? Or do you have a responsibility to protect yourself and your children and to show them a healthy environment by divorcing and doing whatever you need to do to be healthy, possibly remarrying? I think your interpretation is wrong, and one-size-fits-all marriage advice doesn't work.

If I were a women with an abusive husband, I'd leave him and try to get him help, or arrested, depending upon the abuse. I would not divorce him. A married woman hopefully has a father, or brothers, or a pastor who can be a help.

Forget "if I were a woman." You're not. You're a man. So let's say your wife starts sleeping around. Not just with one guy but with dozens. Let's say she contracts a couple different things and passes them on to you. And just for kicks, let's say she begins a drug (or gambling or whatever) habit and blows through your family's savings and puts you into hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt you will never get back out of.

Now. She does NOT want help. She LOVES her lifestyle. You've been a good, faithful husband to her, but your wife has issues in her past that have led her here. There's nothing you could have done to derail this horrible situation or to save your marriage. But you're seriously telling me you're going to stick by her side as she continues to destroy your marriage, your family, and behave like this in front of your children?

Then you're as bad as this imaginary wife is. Your kids deserve better. People leave to protect themselves and their families. And in case you were not aware of it, marriage is a legal contract. In some cases, without a legal divorce, the innocent spouse could still be hung out to dry for the other partner's debts.