Divorce and Remarriage

[Ricardo]

(03-23-2012 04:20 AM)NotUnderLaw Wrote:  Yeah, but...

Every case is different. Every person is different. Every couple is different.

It doesn't matter how many times we talk about sexual urges being on a continuum, we still try to judge everyone else by our standards. Or judge ourselves by standards that assume only two options. good or bad, straight or gay.

The fact of the matter is there are couples where one person is always starved for sex and the other is simply not interested. Some couples have sex several times per day, others only once per week or less. It is not a matter of judging what is right or wrong, or even what is right or wrong for each couple. Some couples have never deviated from the missionary position. others have tried to follow creatively the Song of Solomon. Some people keep the lights off. Others wouldn't ever think of it, except during one of their games.

The idea that EVERY couple is satisfied sexually by virtue of being married is simply not true. In fact, you can bet your bottom dollar that in a majority of couples, one partner is not totally satisfied sexually.

The issue of sexual compatibility is important. But it is not the only issue. And, in fact, when compared to all the other issues in the marriage, it turns out to not even that important.

We all change with age. Women go through changes every month, and then THE change. Should men divorce their wives when they lose interest in sex, or when it becomes physically uncomfortable to continue having sex?

Is masturbation supposed to be only for single people? What if both partners enjoy porn? There are many couples who have devised creative solutions to the fact that they are separated for months at a time. (Think our men and women in the armed forces.) Is phone sex always a sin? Is it a sin at all?

The case of Red Hot is only peripherally about porn. The real issue is a break in the trust.

I can't really say the same about your case, NotUnderLaw. How often should men be aroused? I know men who run ten miles every morning, then go to the gym several times per week, as a way to use up some of the sexual energy. (Either effort could be counterproductive, depending on where and who else is around.)

We make a promise to our spouse. But sometimes our bodies have a mind of our own. Each couple has to find a solution that works for them. Then when they change, continue adapting.

[JoeR]

(03-23-2012 07:09 AM)Ricardo Wrote:  The case of Red Hot is only peripherally about porn. The real issue is a break in the trust.

Let's just do it this way:

The case of ________ is only peripherally about ________. The real issue is a break in the trust.

In this case, we accurately describe the breakdown in virtually all relationships, whether marriage, other familial relationships, business, etc. Without trust, they are all doomed to fail.

[FmrMarine]

Who the hell pays for internet porn? There is more free porn on the internet than you could view in a lifetime if that's your thing. Life is much too short to be stuck in a crappy marriage, in my opinion.

[redhot]

(03-28-2012 09:37 AM)FmrMarine Wrote:  Who the hell pays for internet porn? There is more free porn on the internet than you could view in a lifetime if that's your thing. Life is much too short to be stuck in a crappy marriage, in my opinion.

This isn't just pictures of boobs or videos of two girls getting together. This is live, interactive women. Pick boob size, shaving preferences, toys, hair color, etc., and then you can go into live chat and they will do/say/perform... whatever you want. I can send you the link Never know... it might be worth paying for (he thought so, anyway :/ )

[FmrMarine]

(03-28-2012 09:47 AM)redhot Wrote:  

(03-28-2012 09:37 AM)FmrMarine Wrote:  Who the hell pays for internet porn? There is more free porn on the internet than you could view in a lifetime if that's your thing. Life is much too short to be stuck in a crappy marriage, in my opinion.

This isn't just pictures of boobs or videos of two girls getting together. This is live, interactive women. Pick boob size, shaving preferences, toys, hair color, etc., and then you can go into live chat and they will do/say/perform... whatever you want. I can send you the link Never know... it might be worth paying for (he thought so, anyway :/ )

Thanks, but not thanks. For live, interactive women I think nightclubs, Starbucks, grocery store produce sections, etc. are much better options.

[lucrezaborgia]

(03-28-2012 01:37 PM)FmrMarine Wrote:  

(03-28-2012 09:47 AM)redhot Wrote:  This isn't just pictures of boobs or videos of two girls getting together. This is live, interactive women. Pick boob size, shaving preferences, toys, hair color, etc., and then you can go into live chat and they will do/say/perform... whatever you want. I can send you the link Never know... it might be worth paying for (he thought so, anyway :/ )

Thanks, but not thanks. For live, interactive women I think nightclubs, Starbucks, grocery store produce sections, etc. are much better options.

Vorenus Wrote:Pullo, when is the last time you had a woman who wasn't crying or wanting payment?

That's what I think of when I think of Redhot's husband!

[Mominator]

(03-17-2012 12:14 AM)notdrinkingthekoolaid Wrote:  @ Harry:

I think you missed my point.

She asked for a woman's point of view on this particular issue and that's what I gave her. I clearly stated that the following was from my point of view and no one else's. I wasn't presuming to speak for all people everywhere or make a blanket statement for all sin that could ever be committed. In my opinion, porn or an affair...BOTH are destructive to a marriage.

Porn addiction and actual physical adultery are equally destructive to a marriage and even Jesus said "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" Matthew 5:28.


Porn statistics. http://www.blazinggrace.org/cms/bg/pastorsandporn The church doesn't even want to deal with lust b/c many pastors are dabbling into porn themselves! That's SO scarey.

It's not your fault at all redhot and it ticks me off to hear you were blamed but it's so typical of the IFB mindset! He CHOSE to sin against you and His LORD and if he's NOT going to repent, then he's made his choice as to who or what his 'god' is and it's lust.

[Guilt Ridden]

(03-16-2012 02:10 PM)redhot Wrote:  

(03-16-2012 01:01 PM)M Go Blue Wrote:  Not all Baptists! As a man whose parents are divorced (and has a step-dad) and whose brother got a divorce and remarried, this Baptist will tell you that divorce is not the worst thing a person can do. In fact, I'll be the first to suggest to a friend (if they ask and the situation is appropriate) that they should divorce his/her spouse. If the marriage isn't working and all attempts at fixing it (if it's worth fixing) have failed, I see absolutely no reason to stay married.

I your signature!! Go Blue!!
As a rule, I have found Baptists (IFB) to be very unforgiving toward divorce; obviously individuals are different.
I hope to eventually get remarried, but for argument's sake, what does the Bible say about it? I still am not sure. Fornicaton is a cause for divorce, and I think porn qualifies; but as for remarriage, the Bible does say if someone marries someone who is put away, that is committing adultery. However, if marriage is a contract and one party breaks it, does that release the other from the marriage, thus freeing them to marry again?

I do intend to respond to the original email... but, RedHot, I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. The husband sounds like a jerk.

It isn't my plan or goal to make you feel bad, but, if you're being honest, you cannot say that you've been the perfect wife either (that's not to justify his sin). It is an abomination before God that his pastor is not all over him to repent of his fornication, and seek your forgiveness and do everything in his power to make it up to you.

I agree that IFB tend to consider divorce the unforgivable sin, which is wrong.

There is much debate about marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

I believe that the Scripture teaches that a Christian is to only marry another Christian. Two Christians are not to divorce. If a unbeliever becomes a believer, he/she is not required to divorce his/her mate (per I Cor 7). But if the unbeliever initiates the divorce, the Christian is to allow it, and is free to marry, but must marry another Christian.

[Ricardo]

(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote:  I believe that the Scripture teaches that a Christian is to only marry another Christian. Two Christians are not to divorce. If a unbeliever becomes a believer, he/she is not required to divorce his/her mate (per I Cor 7). But if the unbeliever initiates the divorce, the Christian is to allow it, and is free to marry, but must marry another Christian.

Something does not add up. As Christians we can make just about any mistake. When we realize our mistake, repent and recover, God is there to forgive us and cheer us on.

EXCEPT IF YOU SCREW UP IN YOUR CHOICE OF MARRIAGE.

In too many cases, we marry too early, our parents had way too much influence in our decision, or the circumstances at the time precipitated what has ended up being a bad fit, bad marriage.

Yes, it is possible that sometimes we had some part in the breakup of a marriage. But, what if we didn't? What if we were being as faithful as possible in Iraq, writing letters, calling every day, and our spouse simply met someone else?

What if your husband continues to beat you up whenever he is frustrated, no matter the months of meetings with the pastor, counselor, police and even prison time?

Are we always supposed to tough it up and live in a loveless marriage for the sake of the kids? For the sake of appearances? For the sake of God? Wouldn't the kids be better served if they actually saw you in love with a new spouse, rather than in the living hells that are way too common in our churches?

Does God REALLY want us to be miserable for the rest of our lives for one bad decision?

Sorry, that is NOT the God I worship.

[Scorpio]

(05-03-2012 01:50 PM)Guilt Ridden Wrote:  It isn't my plan or goal to make you feel bad, but, if you're being honest, you cannot say that you've been the perfect wife either (that's not to justify his sin).

My guess is you just did. How can you even think that knowing what her husband put her through? Forgot the crap the pastor is shoveling.