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**pastor's wife** · 01-08-2011, 09:12 PM

"But they go and relate their authority to the very authority of GOD... which is mental torment in itself to those of us who are really trying to please God." -- Yes! It's incredibly oppressive! I think some of those in power never had sensitive spirits and never really cared about breaking rules, so they totally do not understand the effect of the place on those of us who really do care. We started out eager to please, and found ourselves being eyed with judgment and suspicion for nothing. That can annoy you beyond belief or it can crush your spirit.

My recurring dreams are two: one is about realizing I'm supposed to be in class, only I don't know where the class is or what the name is. The other is knowing there's something really important in my PO box and I can't remember the combination to open it.

I've also had dreams where I'm on stage and I have no idea who's turn it is to speak next, what I'm supposed to say, or even what play it is!!! But that might just be general anxiety from public performance not anything specific to BJU! Smile

Lizzy F. · 01-09-2011, 02:47 AM

Quote:GracetoLive wrote:

OK, I'll fess up. I am a third-generation Bojo. My entire family has gone to BJU at some point in time, starting with my grandmother, including various aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, and my own husband. No, I am not one of the Joneses, but some of my family members grew up playing with and attending classes with some of them. I still have family on faculty/staff there.

This brings to my mind an interesting point....

What is it with the "BJU Family"? Everytime I've seen two BJU grads meet for the first time, they've compared notes on who they know on campus. I know there's a lot of blood-related families that have gone there, but they seemed to get swallowed up in the "BJU family".

Typical conversation:

Person 1: "I went to school with John Smith".

Person 2: "I know John Smith! He was my room-mate's half sister's best friends fiance for three months! Did you know Jane Doe, now John Smith's wife?"

Etc.

grace2live · 01-09-2011, 01:22 PM

Pastor's Wife, I had a recurring dream too!!! I worked in the nursery while I was there, and you probably heard stories about the lady who ran that place. She could be pretty scary. My recurring nightmare is that I'm sick and being taken out of the dorm on a gurney, going into the ambulance, but I'm telling the paramedics that I can't go until I've called my supervisor and told her that I won't be at work that day!

**LMcC** · 01-10-2011, 06:07 PM

(01-09-2011 01:22 PM)grace2live Wrote: Pastor's Wife, I had a recurring dream too!!! I worked in the nursery while I was there, and you probably heard stories about the lady who ran that place. She could be pretty scary. My recurring nightmare is that I'm sick and being taken out of the dorm on a gurney, going into the ambulance, but I'm telling the paramedics that I can't go until I've called my supervisor and told her that I won't be at work that day!

I still have dreams about the place too. I dream about going back, sometimes with McC moving back with me and sometimes not. Many times, the campus has had major upgrades of some sort, but there's always this weird feeling of "...and why am I doing this?" in the dream. I'm always quite happy to wake up from that and get back to real life!

Jenn · 01-10-2011, 06:17 PM

Sometimes in my BJU dream I go into the FMA and chapel is starting, and they have a praise band! And I think, wow, they really have changed.

In real life, there must be more and more off-limits churches because of the appearance of praise bands.

Jordan M. Poss · 01-11-2011, 03:45 PM

(01-09-2011 02:47 AM)Lizzy F. Wrote: What is it with the "BJU Family"? Everytime I've seen two BJU grads meet for the first time, they've compared notes on who they know on campus. I know there's a lot of blood-related families that have gone there, but they seemed to get swallowed up in the "BJU family".

Typical conversation:

Person 1: "I went to school with John Smith".

Person 2: "I know John Smith! He was my room-mate's half sister's best friends fiance for three months! Did you know Jane Doe, now John Smith's wife?"

I think that happens with any small, tightly-woven group of people. That's certainly the way it is in my hometown, where everyone is related to or knows everyone else (hobbits and their genealogies always remind me of my hometown). As far as home goes I wouldn't have it any other way, but I always scoffed at the way that occurred at BJU because--at least to me--family and hometown are legitimate societies and the tight-knit "family" inbreeding at BJU was not. But that might just be me.

Clint · 01-12-2011, 02:52 PM

(01-11-2011 03:45 PM)Jordan M. Poss Wrote:
(01-09-2011 02:47 AM)Lizzy F. Wrote: What is it with the "BJU Family"? Everytime I've seen two BJU grads meet for the first time, they've compared notes on who they know on campus. I know there's a lot of blood-related families that have gone there, but they seemed to get swallowed up in the "BJU family".

Typical conversation:

Person 1: "I went to school with John Smith".

Person 2: "I know John Smith! He was my room-mate's half sister's best friends fiance for three months! Did you know Jane Doe, now John Smith's wife?"

I think that happens with any small, tightly-woven group of people. That's certainly the way it is in my hometown, where everyone is related to or knows everyone else (hobbits and their genealogies always remind me of my hometown). As far as home goes I wouldn't have it any other way, but I always scoffed at the way that occurred at BJU because--at least to me--family and hometown are legitimate societies and the tight-knit "family" inbreeding at BJU was not. But that might just be me.

I agree, Jordan. I mean these kind of "family" references could probably happen at any school (though of course with BJU they have weird, fake overtones) and Christian ones especially.

HazelEyed · 01-14-2011, 03:06 PM

(01-08-2011 05:38 PM)pastors wife Wrote:
(01-08-2011 05:20 PM)HazelEyed Wrote: Most people I know who went to Bob Jones regard the school with fondness even though they think it had some silly rules. I wish I could look at it this way. The best point I've gotten to since I left is the fact that I can reflect on my experience with detachment and without feeling panicked and tearful. My experience was admittedly probably different than most.

The time I attended Bob Jones was the worst 2 years of my life... I have clinical ocd, so the rules and manipulative guilt completely trapped me and there was no escaping. The stress of the 100+ page rulebook (complete with indexes and charts!) and the sense of constantly being watching and evaluated only compounded the problem of my general anxiety, panic attacks, and ocd. I was suffocating mentally and spiritually. I had to keep EVERY rule ALL the time and I constantly obsessed that I had broken one. Guilt consumed me. I lived in constant fear that I would accidentally break the rules and be kicked out.

I wanted to do the right thing. I wanted to please God and be a good Christian. I was not only stressed out of my mind and sick to the point of exhaustion trying to please an exacting anxiety disorder and BJU's rulebook, but I was heartbroken over the fact that my fellow students and I were being treated like either devils or little children and everyone seemed to think that we all wanted to run off and do the worst things possible if only we got a shred of adult freedom.

My physical health plummeted to the point where I was sick all the time, had daily blinding headaches, spent about an hour a day crying gut-wrenching sobs because of how hopelessly miserable I was. I was tested for mono, hyperthyroidism, I was in and out of Barge with various UTIs and other illnesses. I was a shipwreck of a human being. I became suicidal during my second year. But I felt like I couldn't seek help for my disorder because most people there believed mental disorders were made up, or at least the ones I talked to believed that ...

To sum up: I still have nightmares that I'm a student there.

That's a heartbreaking story! I'm so sorry you had such an awful time there, but I can totally see how the repressive rules could affect people this way. I went in to BJU as a very sheltered, very cooperative, very innocent girl, but I too was MAJORLY discouraged by being treated as you said either like a child when I was supposed to be in college or as a devil, someone who had to be controlled like a trained tiger or else they'd break out into sinful behavior. I too truly wanted to serve Christ, and it was embarrassing knowing that I was viewed that way. Why would they assume that all I wanted to do was jump in some guy's pants? I was determined to wait until marriage, and I didn't need silly rules like you can't sit at the same table in the library with someone of the opposite sex. I remember walking around the library seeing lone guys taking up whole tables and wanting to say, "Could you guys please sit at the same table because there's no place for me to sit?" except of course we definitely couldn't TALK to a guy in the library. The rules turned normal life really icky. Who ever thought weird thoughts about asking a guy for the encyclopedia in a library until BJU and their weird rules?

After a while, I started feeling like there was an atmosphere from some (support staff, old folks, and bojes in the community more so than the teachers) that was more "We're out to get you" instead of "We love you in Christ and want to help you grow." That got really overwhelming and discouraging and spirit-killing. I'm really glad you got out and that your roommates were there for you.

Thanks Pastor's Wife :-)

HazelEyed · 01-14-2011, 03:10 PM

(01-08-2011 08:56 PM)Jenn Wrote: It's not about the rules! It's the cultishness of the place. Honestly, a place can have any freaking rules they want. Rules to maintain order in a place. But they go and relate their authority to the very authority of GOD... which is mental torment in itself to those of us who are really trying to please God... and their way of dealing with mental illness is downright abusive.

Exactly. It was the worst sort of abuse--spiritual--and it almost made me leave the faith.

TopHat · 01-18-2011, 09:46 PM

I have been to BJ many times. When I was growing up, our Christian school would take a two or three vans and CB radios and go across the country to attend the Fine Arts competitions. I was in the choir. I stayed in the dorms and I remember trying to figure out what time we were allowed to go to the gym. I remember the dining commons. It was the first place I tasted grits. I still hate them to this day.

I remember the pink and blue sidewalks. j/k Does anyone remember that rumor? Does it still make its way around?

On one of the trips there, I remember listening to country music. I was the only thing my radio would pick up. The radio kept talking about Alabama coming up next but I never heard that song. I later found out it was a group.

Most of the kids from my Christian school went to BJ and the "rebels" or "non-conformists" went to Maranatha. I also have some siblings that have gone there and gotten their degrees and so I visited them a few times over the years while they were there. I never took any classes but I doubt it was any different than the other Christian colleges that I attended.