Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

**Qrayze** · 12-31-2011, 12:31 AM

(12-31-2011 12:13 AM)Darrell Wrote:
(12-31-2011 12:09 AM)Arch Radish Wrote: I have had the distinct privilege of knowing the benevolent dictator since he was a dorky teen.

He's still a dork.

I may have been a dorky teen but at the time he was but a sniveling child of some-number-of-years-or-other. The details are murky. Superglue fumes may have been involved.

that doesn't mean my fantasies about you two together are going to change. just thought you should know Big Grin

**Arch Radish** · (This post was last modified: 12-31-2011 12:35 AM by Arch Radish.)

Happy thoughts...like that time we both were in a church where the pastor asked everyone to confess all of their hidden sins publicly before the congregation so as not to hinder the Missions Conference?

The lady *my* family stayed with confessed a few dozen sins in the auditorium alone, and called the pastor up later from the house to confess more.

And they didn't even use a squirrel.

(Totally digressing here. I'm working on the third chapter folks, honest.)

***Darrell*** · 12-31-2011, 12:37 AM

I think we should talk. All these repressed memories could provide about a year worth of SFL material.

**Qrayze** · 12-31-2011, 12:53 AM

getting ppl out of their repressed state is a favorite hobby of mine Big Grin

Discovering Life · 01-01-2012, 01:41 PM

Impressive satire of the whole courtship insanity Arch Radish, please keep it coming.

So sorry to hear others of you have had experiences similar to Lewis (of the Commandments of Men blog). I didn't understand until reading his blog just how damaging the whole courtship/patriarchal mindset could be, both to those involved and also to those outside of it who get caught up in the whole mess unknowingly.

WanderingTraveler · 01-07-2012, 08:10 PM

Lewis' story on The Commandments of Men blog makes me so sad. I can't even finish reading it. Partly because even though my mom is not a fundamentalist, (we were not raised fundamentalists. The only fundamentalism I was exposed to was my 3.5 years at BJU. And that was enough to scar me for a while) she did buy into the whole courtship thing for a while. When I met my now husband, I heard a lot of the same things. She told me that first, he is my brother. Which, in a sense is true. But, obviously I looked at him different then I did any other man on the face of the earth. When we went to talk to our pastor about us getting married (our pastor is a very good friend of ours, and with couples he marries, he likes to do a few very informal pre-marital counseling sessions. So we needed to let him know soon after getting engaged.), my mom heard about it and told me she thought we were rushing things and if the pastor asked her, she would tell him exactly what she thought. I was 24 and my husband was 23. Now, I did listen to my mom's advice, but I listened more to what I believed God was telling me.
I believe the whole courtship idea is one of the most damaging ideas. A person's choice to marry is theirs, no one elses. I can't even find in the Bible where God includes the parents in that decision.

**Tiarali** · 01-07-2012, 08:18 PM

The posts about not getting emotionally involved with people before marriage, and the ideas of not really getting to know people before marriage kind of hit home to me the idea that there are people out there - abusive people - who don't want people to cotton on to the signs about their true nature. It makes sense for them to encourage a courtship system that allows them to hide their true nature from their future victim *cough* I mean spouse, and to stay within a religious institution that refuses to help the victims once they realise the danger they're in (ie after the marriage).

There's a book I read called 'The Girls Guide to Predators', and it has a chapter on domestic predators that's scarily accurate. I wish I'd read it before marrying.

Tikatu · 01-08-2012, 01:03 PM

(01-07-2012 08:18 PM)tiarali Wrote: The posts about not getting emotionally involved with people before marriage, and the ideas of not really getting to know people before marriage kind of hit home to me the idea that there are people out there - abusive people - who don't want people to cotton on to the signs about their true nature. It makes sense for them to encourage a courtship system that allows them to hide their true nature from their future victim *cough* I mean spouse, and to stay within a religious institution that refuses to help the victims once they realise the danger they're in (ie after the marriage).

When I heard this, I thought of the sort of flip side from Lewis's story: the one of Razing Ruth Here's a girl whose "courtship" did exactly that: hid the true nature of the man her parents wanted her to marry. Her solution? Run away.

**Tiarali** · 01-09-2012, 12:05 AM

Yup. At least she knew before marriage. How many predators know enough to act charming during 'courtship', then become a monster on the honeymoon? And then, the wife cannot leave. She can't. Nobody will believe her, she will have no support, her own family will disown her.

Somebody on one of the do right groups posted that the wives of pedophiles are themselves enablers. I don't think they realise that these monsters' wives are themselves victims. It doesn't excuse the behaviour of those women who do continue to support their husband - and I know for a fact that they don't all do that - but it would be a very, very difficult thing for such a woman to deal with.