How To Date Just Fundy Enough® - for Women

[Arch Radish]

Dating. For so long in Fundystan, it was THE D-word. The mother of all whoredoms and abominations. The desecration of desolate hearts. The last battleground conquered by Saint Joshua of Harris who banished it with an holy kiss forever and ever amen. With the rise of the Old Paths of Courtship and Betrothal, the Beast of Dating was forever made obsolete.

However, if you are a young lady who...

• ...was unable to attain her MRS degree in Fundy U due to career concerns, lack of accreditation, lack of non-study time, being socialed, etc…
• …had her engagement broken off by a preacher boy who felt a sudden calling to become closer to his Young Men’s ministry…
• …was unable to find any stalwart young men who wouldn’t run away from such biblical terms as “courtship” based on their own personal experiences…
• …has had a courtship that has somehow failed to end in marriage and is henceforth emotionally impure…
• …is otherwise over the age of 19 and has STILL not found a husband…
  

…dating may actually be an option for you!

But how, you ask? You may wear pants once in a while and you may know the words to one or more Beatles songs, but deep down, you know that the Fundies have had it right all along. There are still some things that they may not have gotten right in practice, but they had it all nailed down in theory! Yes, you can date, and still be Just Fundy Enough® to get away without having the wrath of God being rained down on your unguarded heart by following the simple principles in this series. So, let’s go right into…

PROBLEM 1: Guarding Your Heart.
…guard your heart… - Prov. 4:23

Dating can be a minefield of emotional intimacy and heartbreak. There is nothing more uncomfortable or inconvenient for a young woman than to let her heart fall into a relationship with a young man who is just salivating to gnash it with his teeth until he claims his piece of her finite love. It is an uncontested Biblical principle that love is a finite resource and should only be given to those who are worthy of it in our eyes.

So, what is a Pure Young Lady to do while dating? Never fear, you can be Just Fundy Enough® if you…

SOLUTION TO PROBLEM 1: Never become emotionally intimate with ANYONE.

Renowned fundamentalist C.S. Lewis said it best when he said ”…Love anything and your heart will be …broken…give it to no one, not even an animal…” And this holds true today. Throughout the dating process, you will be tempted to open up your deepest thoughts, fears, desires, and plans for the future to the one whom you are in the relationship with. THIS IS A SNARE AND A TOOL OF THE DEVIL HIMSELF TO GET YOU TO GIVE AWAY A PIECE OF YOUR HEART. Be not deceived! Anytime you feel the need to let your guard down and be yourself with a man, quickly change the subject. Become as cold and aloof as necessary.*

“But isn’t the idea of dating to become familiar with the man I’m interested in to see if I want to spend the rest of my life with him?”

Ha ha ha! How droll and naïve of you, you silly woman! You may think that, but every man out there is thinking something far different. If you have watched ANY Lifetime Original Movies**, you know that men are just looking for an excuse to cheat on you, rape you, make you feel inferior, or worse still: destroy your Emotional Purity! Dating gives them every excuse to work their dark powers of manhood against you as you enjoy fattening yourself with the dainties of a hearty Cheesecake Factory meal. It is an undeniable Biblical principle that all men are animals and will hurt you unless you Guard Your Heart.

Therefore, all remaining issues brought up in this series will be addressed with the key focus of Guarding Your Heart. Because Emotional Purity is the only thing that matters in a relationship.

*This does not mean, however, that you should allow your man to engage in the same behavior. Ask many deep, probing questions about his innermost thoughts, desires, and shortcomings constantly. If he refuses to answer, RED FLAG! He doesn’t know how to communicate with you.
**It is perfectly okay for Christian women to watch the Lifetime network for academic purposes only. However, avoid from doing so in the presence of a man, since the subject matter of many Lifetime shows tends to be sexual in nature and men are turned on primarily by sight, whereas women lack this trigger entirely.