What would you be if you could go back in time?

[pastor's wife]

What would I be? For me, it's more of an issue of attitude. I would like to imagine that I would be more fun-loving, more confidant, and more willing to try new things instead of the fearful, shy, hesitant person I often am. Part of this is probably my personality, but I know my parents' well-intentioned but extremely controlling upbringing left me thinking nearly everything in our culture was sin: sports because games might interfere with church activities and also you don't want to hang out with all those unsaved people, music, TV, movies, etc. I hope I would be more loving, more compassionate, and less prone to hasty judgmentalism.

I wish I had played on sports teams and taken dance lessons and sung in my school's "Up with People" group ("too rocky") and joined the quiz team ("meets Wednesday night; you need to go to prayer meeting"). I wish I'd gotten to know the people in my public school more instead of holding myself aloof lest they "infect" me. (I liked them, but I didn't know how to get to know them. Plus if I spent time with them, I might hear a swear word.)

I also wish I had a degree from an accredited college. While at BJU, I did my student teaching at a public school and got state certified believing that I would be accepted for public school teaching if I chose not to teach in a Christian school. Now I know that that degree isn't accepted in a lot of states which is very disappointing to me.

That said, I do realize that God has led me throughout my life, and although from my POV I kind of wish I'd started figuring all this out when I was in my 20s not my 40s (OK, EARLY 40s!), I am grateful for God's guidance and grace. I don't know all the reasons why, but I trust Him, and I'm going to move forward into the beautiful freedom provided for me through the blood of Christ. I'm forgiven, accepted, and loved. I'm on mission now to show that forgiveness and love to the world around me. That's exciting, even if it's taken me a long time to get here.

[elfdream]

I met my husband at BJ so it wasn't all bad.

I wish I had stuck to my guns and not given into peer pressure. The peer pressure that said all pop music was bad, that CCM was bad, that Christians from other churches were 'bad'. I wish I had gotten out lot sooner than I did. I wish I hadn't let people underestimate me. I did not get a degree but then I really don't need a degree for what I'm doing. I just have to wait a bit before I make any money at it.

Many good things have come from it though. I'm thankful for the Biblical knowledge I was given. I'm glad they started me on my spiritual journey.

This one is unusual. We all give our kids the 'sex' talk and the 'drug' talk. I'm the only parent I know who has given her kids the 'cult' talk. Never could have done that if I hadn't experienced it myself.

[Smith]

Hmm, what Don said with one exception: rather than wasting 20+ years after leaving Fundyism, I would have applied myself and worked towards my Masters and PhD in Psychology. Everything else would have remained the same.

Now, back to reality: there is no way on this earth everything could have been same or for that lovely scenario to work out---It was necessary for me to experience the pain, the anger...no...the rage of being diminished by a group of maladjusted egomaniacs who had even a lessor grasp of reality than I did.

[chris1000bc]

I don't think I would go back in time, and change the overall direction of my life. I think I would be more like that coke zero commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GJidPSq2Rs (in which I hold no stock)l. There would just be certain times that I would go back, and tackle myself to prevent me from saying things or doing things.

[Apathetic or whatever]

Since I started the conversation I thought I should chip in. My question about "what did you give up" and "what would you have been" stemmed from my own experience. As a child I was very interested in a subject that most people find intimidating. I started to read about it when I was 8 and have continued to be passionate about it for the last 23 years. At first, that was what I wanted to do with my life.

Later, I gave in to peer pressure and went to non-college and into the ministry even though I had no heart for it. In retrospect, I should have known better. I should have known that giving up something you love for something you are doing out of guilt would never work.

After I "defundyed" I floundered around for over a year. I sent off for college catalogues and things but did not do anything about it for a while. Eventually I thought "why not?" and went and got my GED (since I was home-learned) and applied to a couple of colleges. To my utter astonishment I was accepted into a program at one of the top 25 most prestigious universities on the planet to study what I love.

As several of you have said, I am thankful for what I learned in fundyism. I learned how not to do a lot of things: how not to raise children, how not to be a Christian, how not to reach the lost, etc etc etc.
I do not consider the time I spent in the fundy bunker as lost in any way. I am not bitter about it. I learned valuable lessons from it. I, however, do not intend to let fundyism define the rest of my life as it did the first bit.



I apologize for the vagueness in this post. I am leaving out pertinent information like subject matter and university to conceal my identity.

[wannabe exfundy]

If I could do it over, I would have moved out upon turning 18 regardless if my parents thought I was "mature" enough or not. Didn't have much $ so I would have shared an apt with a friend while saving up for a car/community college classes or worked on my degree online. I hated that even as an adult I was so dependent on my parents for pretty much everything. They wouldn't teach me how to drive, I wasn't allowed to date, get a job, etc. Had I not gone to Fundy U I think I would have been much more confident and independent and had different opportunities to choose from instead of teaching or getting an office job.

Hindsight is 20/20 though and I admit I have learned and grown a lot for having been through those times. At least now, I have a better understanding of what God is NOT so it should be easier to learn now what He really is, right?

[dthatcher]

(01-26-2011 02:06 PM)wannabe exfundy Wrote:  If I could do it over, I would have moved out upon turning 18 regardless if my parents thought I was "mature" enough or not. Didn't have much $ so I would have shared an apt with a friend while saving up for a car/community college classes or worked on my degree online. I hated that even as an adult I was so dependent on my parents for pretty much everything. They wouldn't teach me how to drive, I wasn't allowed to date, get a job, etc. Had I not gone to Fundy U I think I would have been much more confident and independent and had different opportunities to choose from instead of teaching or getting an office job.

Ditto!!!!!! Me too!!! If they won't let you go, then sign up for the military.