Permission to date?

[mounty]

Kind of a tangent...do you guys think there's a cutoff date at which point it's no longer necessary to obtain one or more blessings? I can pretty easily see it when one or both of the two live at home or just recently stepped out, but I know girls in their late 20s who still go the "talk to my dad" route. These are adults who are paying their own taxes, living a few hundred miles away, and otherwise completely independent. Strikes me as a little strange, but maybe that's just me.

[Naomi]

(01-24-2011 03:29 PM)mounty Wrote:  Kind of a tangent...do you guys think there's a cutoff date at which point it's no longer necessary to obtain one or more blessings? I can pretty easily see it when one or both of the two live at home or just recently stepped out, but I know girls in their late 20s who still go the "talk to my dad" route. These are adults who are paying their own taxes, living a few hundred miles away, and otherwise completely independent. Strikes me as a little strange, but maybe that's just me.

How about, it's always weird to have to ask permission if you're an adult. Even in late highschool, I'd hope your parents trusted you enough to make your own dating decisions. And wouldn't it be weird if a woman went to ask your parents if it was OK for her to date you? Interesting the disparity in independence that's expected.

[chris1000bc]

A girl I dated in college acted like it was important to her dad that I talked to him before dating her. I called him. He said that she was old enough to decide who she was going to date and that he trusted her. So, of course, I was wondering why the heck I called him. Apparently, it was really only important to the girl whether or not I talked to her father. He couldn't care less.

It would be weird at this point if someone I was talking to or dating tried to get me to ask someone's permission either to date them or marry them. The only reason I could see for that is that the wife's parents often pay for the wedding. If I were going to spend some money on something like that, I would want to like the person I was spending it on or at least have some indication that I wasn't wasting my money.

[alm517]

(01-23-2011 09:18 AM)Jordan M. Poss Wrote:  

(01-23-2011 03:09 AM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  "Permission to date" is a quaint idea that does have ois virtues. However, in the hands of the wrong man it can turn into a nightmare.

I agree, though I stop short of calling it "quaint." Fathers--or parents generally--are supposed to protect their children, and screening potential dates is an important aspect of that role as protector. I have been amazed at how often mere "hunches" that a new boyfriend or girlfriend isn't good have turned out to be 100% accurate. And of course some people are going to abuse the role of protector, but, well, that's life. It doesn't rob the tradition of its legitimacy.

In my own case, I would have to strongly disagree. My parents hated my husband on sight when he had to come over and meet them and for the longest time he had to sit on my couch, with my father glaring at him and refusing to speak to him. My dad had all kinds of hunches about him but he was a good guy, who stuck by me through a lot of crappy stuff. We dated for almost 4 years and up until we got married my parents thought he was wrong for me. To quote my dad, "He's not the one we had in mind. He's not right for you." and yet, my relationship with my dad is complete crap to be perfectly honest and that guy who "wasn't right for me" has stuck by me for almost 12 years. In nearly 8 years of marriage, I've never once had to worry about him not taking care of us, or him not being a spiritual leader in our home, or where he was and who he was with. He's been an excellent father, husband, Christian example-more so than my dad ever was and my mom had to concede that I made a far better choice for myself than either one of them would've made for me.

Of course, it was sovereignty because if it hadn't been then my parent's never would've given up and let me date him after my dad asked him if he was a King James Man and he answered no because he'd never heard of such a thing. I had forgotten to coach him on that one first.

[Jordan M. Poss]

(01-24-2011 08:11 PM)alm517 Wrote:  

(01-23-2011 09:18 AM)Jordan M. Poss Wrote:  I agree, though I stop short of calling it "quaint." Fathers--or parents generally--are supposed to protect their children, and screening potential dates is an important aspect of that role as protector. I have been amazed at how often mere "hunches" that a new boyfriend or girlfriend isn't good have turned out to be 100% accurate. And of course some people are going to abuse the role of protector, but, well, that's life. It doesn't rob the tradition of its legitimacy.

In my own case, I would have to strongly disagree. My parents hated my husband on sight when he had to come over and meet them and for the longest time he had to sit on my couch, with my father glaring at him and refusing to speak to him. My dad had all kinds of hunches about him but he was a good guy, who stuck by me through a lot of crappy stuff. We dated for almost 4 years and up until we got married my parents thought he was wrong for me. To quote my dad, "He's not the one we had in mind. He's not right for you." and yet, my relationship with my dad is complete crap to be perfectly honest and that guy who "wasn't right for me" has stuck by me for almost 12 years.

Again, like I said, it depends entirely on the parents.