More of the same

[Tiarali]

Alright, I'm visiting my one remaining fundy friend and she's awesome. She's drinking the koolaid but she's aware that I was hurt and she's trying to be nice to me and accept that, despite the fact that she still loves her church wholeheartedly. Like I said, she's awesome.

Anyway, it comes out today that my Pastor, who has NOT dealt with any of the concerns that I have with that church, is allowing her and another woman to lead a class for teenage girls next year. The group will be about having your own identity, about appropriate behaviour within relationships, and about dealing with - and getting help if necessary - abuse.

Now, this is awesome. It is. Fundy girls being taught that they can have an identity outside of daughtership/marriage, that they should have goals besides marriage, that they can enjoy life and be safe. Of course, the girls who really need to hear this won't be allowed to attend, but that's a different issue.

But what gets me is that the church still hasn't actually dealt with any of its problems. I've never received an apology. There are people in the church who are involved in the children's ministries who have no respect for child safety laws (and who love the Pearls). There is a missionary there who has said publicly that women should submit to their abusive husbands until death - and he's still there.

NOTHING'S been done. Honestly, I think my friend made a bit of a noise about my situation, and they needed to shut her up. So they sideswiped her with this ministry so now she can feel as though the church actually does care about abuse, and the church never actually has to deal with its problems. They've shut her up, and they deceived her into thinking her Pastor's a decent man all in one go.

And you know what? If any one of those teenage girls ever admit that their father/pastor/teacher has assaulted them, they'll find their way into Pastor's office, and he'll sit them down and sympathise with them and tell them that it's a horrible situation to be in, but it's ok, they don't have to go to the police...

And it will all be swept under the rug.

Bah.

I just feel so sick right now, I just want to cry.

[laurat99]

T, I'm glad your fundy friend is still your friend. We all need good friends. People who are in/who have power are loathe to give it up, and will often use any means necessary to eliminate those threats to their power. May God use this ministry she will have to help young girls see they can be their own individuals in Christ without being a doormat or victim. Educate your friend on the local reporting laws, and who these young ladies can turn to if they are in an abusive situation or dangerous situation.

I'm sorry your situation hasn't changed, and not to get too churchy on you, but Jesus knows how you feel.

[pastor's wife]

And the internet exists now which makes it more possible for girls (or boys) in that situation to find support, help, and education. Not always - because they may be restricted from computers - but it's more possible than before the world wide web.

Your anguish reminds me of passages in the Bible where the psalmist cries out, "HOW LONG, O Lord?" The same with the blood of the martyrs in heaven, calling out for justice. You desire justice, which is awesome. God does too. Someday He will bring His justice.

[Tonx]

Wow. It never ceases to amaze me how similar my seemingly-moderate-to-conservative evangelical church is to fundy churches. Not to the same extent, but still.

I'm with you, tiarali. I'm still waiting for an apology. And the sad thing is, I don't think they even realize the emotional damage they did to me.

[Tiarali]

(12-05-2011 02:15 PM)Tonx Wrote:  I'm with you, tiarali. I'm still waiting for an apology. And the sad thing is, I don't think they even realize the emotional damage they did to me.

Amen. I lost my previously best friend when she made me listen to her lecture me as to why there was no damage. *sigh*

[P D]

(12-05-2011 06:42 PM)tiarali Wrote:  

(12-05-2011 02:15 PM)Tonx Wrote:  I'm with you, tiarali. I'm still waiting for an apology. And the sad thing is, I don't think they even realize the emotional damage they did to me.

Amen. I lost my previously best friend when she made me listen to her lecture me as to why there was no damage. *sigh*

Moderate to conservative evangelical churches often have the same belief systems in place with regard to authority and remaining in submission under the "covering."

But when I served in a UM church and a step-father sexually molested his step-daughter, it was reported by the pastor to the police immediately. Amazing how the "liberal" church cares for abuse victims in contrast to fundamental/conservative churches.