Dating at Fundy U

[mirandaluzdivina]

As I explained over on the main site, I didn't grow up fundy, I wasn't immersed in the culture, and never overexerted myself trying to fit in. My only experience with fundy dating was in high school, and consisted entirely of clumsy attempts to corrupt the pastor's son. That's why I'm now fascinated by the dating rituals at various Fundy U's. Group dates and chaperons for people over the age of 18? It's just so bizarre. Can anyone elaborate on this for me? Like, how strictly are these rules enforced?

[I'veHeardVersesMisquoted]

Well, I was conceived, born and raised Fundy--and had a really strict dad! I went to PCC. The rules there were really enforced--at least on the girls! May I just state right now that I never entered the Social Hall (dating parlor)--tooooo weird! It always had a chaperone up there, you know in case someone sneezed and their arm spasm accidentally made them touch their boyfriend. "That can lead to sexual immorality young lady!!"

Nobody was ever allowed to touch the opposite sex unless during one of those infamous "hand-holding" games during a Dating Outing. Ah.. still makes a tear come to my eye as I remember how many girls pathetically looked forward to those 2 minutes of being a smidgen bit normal as a couple.

Then if you were truly serious, you could schedule a date off-campus, complete with chaperone. Dis-gusting. Anyway, that always seemed really bizarre too.

I never did that stuff--I had a little bit of respect about myself I guess! While the rules were enforced, there are always ways around them. And that's what I did--snuck around, was a little bit more human, and got away with it.

[pastor's wife]

Bob Jones University was very strict. After 7:00 p.m., you were not allowed to walk together on campus with someone of the opposite sex, so if you had been in the stands watching a soccer game and wanted to go to the Snack Shop for a dessert afterwards, you had to walk separately which was just plain WEIRD!!! I obeyed, but it frustrated me because it was so stupid and pointless. It made me feel like they viewed me like some kind of animal that might start fornicating on the sidewalk if they didn't have rules to keep us apart.

Guys and girls were not allowed to sit at the same tables in the library or talk to each other in the library. Eagle-eyed enforcers would swoop down on you if you did happen to ask the guy who sat next to you in class what pages your assignement was on.

You could not go off campus alone if you were both dorm students unless you brought along a chaperone, who had to be a grad student or faculty/staff member. We never did this.

There were several events to attend together, both the formal Artist Series (concerts, plays, an opera) as well as smaller productions done in Performance Hall, sports events, etc. and the Snack Shop. You could attend Sunday morning church together as well as eat together for lunch and supper in the cafeteria (after my freshman year, that is. My first year supper was still a formal meal with assigned seats!) If you wanted to get together more than that, there was the dating parlor where you could sit on a couch and talk while a chaperone sat at a desk and watched you, sometimes circling around the room eyeing you all. I hated going up there and only did it if we REALLY wanted to hang out and had nowhere else to go.

A guy could walk a girl back to her dorm after supper, but there could be no lingering in front of the girls' dorms. You had to immediately separate. The same thing happened on a more formal scale after artist series. All the girls in gowns and guys in suits would slowly, slowly walk down the covered sidewalks toward the girls' dorms; it was called the Snail Trail because people would walk so slowly. Of course, you couldn't take his arm or hold hands. (You'd be sure to be seen and turned in for demerits if you did.) In front of each dorm, a chaperone would be standing, waiting to remind you to move on if you lingered too long for your good-byes.

Today the gym has been revamped with an eating area, there is a picnic area gazebo, and half of the dating parlor has become more like a game room, so I know things aren't exactly like they were around 1990 at BJU. And for some of you younger readers, I'm sure 1990 seems like FOREVER ago, but I can assure you that the rules in 1990 seemed archaic, old-fashioned, and burdensome and often, just down-right strange.

[I'veHeardVersesMisquoted]

Oh yeah..what pastor's wife said about the walking separately around campus at night and sitting at separate tables in the library--all true of PCC too.

A strange little quirk of PCC and perhaps others..guys had to hold the hymnbook in church. Because i guess if you helped hold it, Lord knows what you could do under that hymnbook!

[pastor's wife]

I don't recall it being a rule at BJU that guys HAD to hold the hymnal; it just seemed like a chivalrous thing to do!

I do know that we were reprimanded in the dating parlor because we were were looking at a yearbook and we were both holding it. I was quite conscientiously making sure that our hands or bodies were not touching in any way (because I was a rule-keeper and terrified of getting in trouble), and the chaperone came up and said, "Either you or he has to hold the yearbook; you can't both hold it." That made me really mad: first, I hate being criticized; second, if they'd just STATED that rule, I would have followed it. Having unstated rules that you then scold unsuspecting students for not following is simply NOT FAIR. I believe this is the sort of thing that the Bible calls "provoking children to wrath". (Not that we were children, but the quote is still apropos.)

[Elijah Craig]

I wouldn't call 20 year old couples having a three legged race "a smidgen normal." I'd call it juvenile.

[mirandaluzdivina]

(11-25-2011 10:19 AM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  I wouldn't call 20 year old couples having a three legged race "a smidgen normal." I'd call it juvenile.

This is where my boyfriend would make a joke about his "third leg."

[I'veHeardVersesMisquoted]

Remember, remember, we're talking about people who thought staring into each other's eyes a half-inch apart for 20 minutes was normal! So hand-holding even whilst running in a game was looked forward to. I went on a dating outing once, and it was pretty strange. once was enough for me.

[Elijah Craig]

(11-25-2011 10:28 AM)mirandaluzdivina Wrote:  

(11-25-2011 10:19 AM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  I wouldn't call 20 year old couples having a three legged race "a smidgen normal." I'd call it juvenile.

This is where my boyfriend would make a joke about his "third leg."

I just tie mine around the ankles so I don't have to worry about it dragging on the ground.

[pastor's wife]

(11-25-2011 10:19 AM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  I wouldn't call 20 year old couples having a three legged race "a smidgen normal." I'd call it juvenile.

Most of the approach and the rules made it clear that we college students were viewed as juveniles.

I once heard from the chapel pulpit that BJU was proud of the fact that their rules made homeschooling parents, some of whose children finished their high school education at age 16, feel safe letting their kids attend BJU because they knew they'd be taken care of. Even then, that rubbed me the wrong way. Antiquated policies that treated young adults like children were being kept in place in order to please homeschooling parents who sheltered their children and then were sending their CHILDREN early to BJU? I remember thinking that I wasn't 16; I was 20, and I didn't appreciate being treated the same as a 16-year-old.