Bitter......an IFB key word

[Big E]

I have been removed from my IFB roots for a matter of 5 years now. I will admit there have been times when i have felt like i wanted it all back. Then i pinch myself and remind myself of all the ungodly things that my wife and i went thru on our way out. But the word that always comes up when and if I talk to someone who is still involved with the IFB is t[/size][/font]hat i am BITTER. Its like it is there explanation for anyone who leaves "oh they are bitter" "dont let your bitterness ruin your family". Has anyone else had this happen???

[Tiarali]

Yes "Bitter" is a pretty normal term for ex-fundy.

What it means is this: "You left because you are bitter and that means there is something wrong with you. It is not our fault. We have done nothing to cause your bitterness, it is all your fault. We will therefore never listen to any logical argument you bring up, nor any heartfelt entreaty to turn back to the grace of the God who loves us so. You are bitter, you are not valued."

I do think it is true that many of us who leave fundamentalism do experience a period of feeling genuinely bitter. It's pretty normal after some of the abuse that we experienced both there and on the way out. The important thing is to grow from that into a healthier outlook of life.

Edit: Maybe I should say this: I left fundamentalism just a few months ago. I have been labeled bitter. Funnily enough, I was labeled bitter when I posted logical statements about the flaws in the IFB, not when I was lashing out. I have also, however, felt bitter. I believe I have good reason to do so. I also hope it's a relatively normal reaction - I don't want to be alone! I am making some changes and starting to feel hopeful. I don't want to stay here forever

[laurat99]

Maybe bitterness is something fundies see in themselves and transfer that to others who are on the outside.

[pastor's wife]

As tiarali said, the accusation of bitterness is a way to blame YOU, to belittle you, and to discredit you. It removes any responsibility from them to listen or to humbly admit that they were wrong.

Some of us have begun to laugh when we see this accusation because it is practically inevitable: if you question ANYTHING about the IFB, no matter how graciously you try to do it, you get labeled "bitter."

And, yes, certainly some people ARE bitter, and some of them have good reason for being so. They need loving Christians to come alongside them and encourage them, to weep with them, to seek justice for them. But what they get instead is condemnation. In a common saying used around BJU, "no doubt the problem is with you." This just heaps guilt on the questioning person instead of helping that person deal with their issues.

I find it an extremely unloving and pejorative label that signifies rejection of you and your concerns. Love believes the best about others, love seeks to reconcile, love desires to win back the offended party. Love does not say, "Who cares what she says? She's just bitter. Forget her."

[Don]

Bitter is such a generic manipulative term but it is not always a bad thing.

The IFB can see nothing but perfection in itself. Any who claim there is a chink in the armour or a flaw in the facade are looked upon with suspicion initially but when they persist there is an effort to "explain" why a-n-y-o-n-e could possibly believe that the IFB is snything less than perfection wrapped in piety.

Bitterness begets bondage to sin and usually best explains how someone could ever besmirch the beloved bastion of Biblical boldness found along the Bloodtrail of being fundmental Baptist.

On the other side of the coin we find biterness that is healthy. When someone finds that they have invested so much of their life, both spiritural and physical, then they have a ligitimate claim to being bitter against the lies that drew them in and kept them bound to a system of religion wrapped in Christianpaper.

So the "root of bitterness springing up" does not apply to a situtation where there is ligitimate harm from emotional, spiritual, and experiential manipulation so long as we don't let it become the entire focus of our lives. It does apply to situtations where lust, greed, envy, and the unhealthy desires of our flesh cause us to live constantly under the control of bitterness.

The term carries so much Hebrews 12:15b guilt with it that the IFB can use it at will to guilt people back into the fold to keep them in line.

[lucrezaborgia]

Verbal manipulation like using the word bitter seems to me to be very related to gaslighting.

[amyrose5]

"Bitter" is used by many Christian groups not just the IFB. I got that from the charismatics and Evangelicals when I left their scary little cultic Christian school.

[JoeR]

Applying the term "bitter" is merely a deflection. Fundies [spelling edit] use it when they don't want to address the cause of the bitterness, ironically. I say ironic, because they point out the symptom, but ignore the cause. The cause is the whole fundy system. At least abusive practices within the fundy system. Also, simply because another person did not have such unpleasant/absolutely awful experiences, does not negate the experiences of the one who is deemed bitter.

[lucrezaborgia]

This article popped up in my news feed and it almost perfectly expresses what gaslighting is: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hed..._ref=false

Bitter is the fundy version of gaslighting!