Guess it's time.

[yogagirl]

Hi everyone, I have been coming to this website for several months now, decided I would finally join. I wanted to share some of my story, and my experience in the IFB church where I grew up, and attended school.
I was born and raised going to the IFB church in Oregon. My mother was born in Wisconsin, and had an extremely abusive childhood from her father, and her mother died when she was 13. She was and is a sweet, but very naive sort of person and she stumbled on to the IFB church. Boy did they love her! They told her she had to marry a man in the church because it was gods will, (she was 22 beautiful, and had a three year old) So she married my dad, I can not go into all the details and abusive ridiculous things she was told by the church, but soon my father became very physically abusive, once when she was 9 months pregnant with my younger brother he beat her till she had to escape to one of those shelters for battered woman. Of course when my mom had an affair and became pregnant the church shunned her for her terrible sin of adultery, and my "poor" dad went and lived at the mother of the pastors home. The pastor's mother was a huge influence on the church and she provided a "safe haven" for all those trying to be "right with god" They encouraged my sister to move there as well since my mom was such an adulterer and that is the place where my father molested her. When it came out they blamed my sister saying that it was her fault because her skirts were too short, she was 11. Never mind that they encouraged my dad to punish her when she would not be a good submissive girl and sit on his lap. When my sister had to go to court the pastor of our IFB church went with and supported my dad, my father pleaded guilty and afterward the paster looked at my sister, and said " I hope your happy now". I would like to include here that the assistant pastor at the time did fight for, and on my sisters side, and there have been and still are many wonderful people that I loved/love in my IFB church. This being back in the 1980's laws were not strict for sexual abuse yet so myself and my brother, then 4, and 2 had to have weekend visitations at the pastor's mothers house to see our dad. I absolutely hated these visits, I remember well one Friday night My friend amber spent the night with me, Amber was mentally slow, I was 10 and she was 14, and she told me her dad, Leonard, had been having sex with her for a long time (years it turned out) anyway the next night was my Saturday to stay at dads, the house was huge with a long hall, and as I am walking down it who should I encounter but Leonard, Ambers dad! Of course he was given shelter in his time of need while his wife divorced him, after all like one very "godly " lady from my church explained, " god sees all sins the same Stephanie, and some sins (implied like sex abuse) just make a bigger splash than others" Well my mother was not the most stable of creatures, and so I was sent to live with an older couple from the church who we (still) called grandma and grandpa, Grandpa was the one who led me to the lord, he is a very godly man esteemed in the church, he also happened to be attracted to a 5 year old, and there I was led to the lord, and assaulted by the same man. I moved back to my moms and was also sexually abused by her boyfriend the father of two of my sisters, this man often quoted all the scripture to me telling me that I was stiff necked like the children of Israel and should be stoned. When I turned 20 years old I ran, and moved in with a guy in Portland it was a crazy and drastic move, and everyone in the church cut me off including my best friend the preachers daughter, because like pastor said after all, "darkness can not walk with light" Well a lot has changed since then and for the longest time I just felt I was a sinful, guilty black soul. Since then I have gone to a PROFESSIONAL therapist, and also continued my education, I am still defining and redefining my beliefs, but it is a good journey to be on. My mom and many loved ones are still involved with this church and express deep fear over the humanistic counselors, and education I am receiving at university (by the way I am going to become a psychologist, this really scares them!. It is so crazy when I think about my whole childhood now, and my tiny secluded little church school, when it came out that my younger sisters dad had molested my sister (different from the first sister and first dad) I remember one of the deacons telling me to just keep my mouth shut about it. Well now I speak my mind no more silence for this woman, I have music (all kinds!) I like psychology, philosophy, Buddha, Gandhi, yoga, meditation, dancing, the gym, sports, and blue jeans!!! Woohoo I am free!

[Monipenny]

Wow, thanks for sharing and welcome to SFL.

[Tiarali]

I'm just so so sorry all that happened. I'm glad you're finding your way to enjoying freedom now. Welcome.

[pastor's wife]

Reading that makes me so angry at those people who call good evil and evil good, harping on "sins" that aren't even in the Bible, yet glossing over physical and sexual abuse. It's sick, sick, sick. What a perverted picture of God they present. What a useless waste of a church that was.

Welcome to SFL.

[captain_solo]

(11-09-2011 07:55 AM)pastors wife Wrote:  Reading that makes me so angry at those people who call good evil and evil good, harping on "sins" that aren't even in the Bible, yet glossing over physical and sexual abuse. It's sick, sick, sick. What a perverted picture of God they present. What a useless waste of a church that was.

Welcome to SFL.

I just need to correct a couple things.

That wasn't God

It wasn't a church

Otherwise...RIGHT ON!

[exOBCstudent]

Wow...what a story you have escaping from Fundystan. Thanks for sharing it and welcome aboard. I sure hope you find lots of comfort and healing here as many of us have.

[Presbygirl]

Your story is heartbreaking. I am amazed at your endurance and strength. Welcome to SFL!

[notdrinkingthekoolaid]

Welcome to SFL. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Qrayze]

welcome to sfl

so glad you've been able to seek healing from your awful past, hugs

[techmedic]

Reading this saddens me, if my daughter told me someone was doing this to her, I would probably go to prison for murder. Time heals all and I hope you can find peace. I know that the bible preaches to forgive and forget, but this is one of those times I feel it don't apply. Every one of those men deserve to be in prison and after that they deserve an eternity in hell, which I think god will give them their punishment for what they did to you and those other poor children.

Edit : I WOULD go to jail not probably