How long before you left?

[notreallyfundy]

Thank you all for your stories. I remember how excited I was about the things of God after I got saved and started going to church. I wanted to find out all I could about God and Christianity. Unfortunately, there were some people I became close with who equated spirituality with certain clothing standards, music standards, rules, Bible versions, etc. After I got saved, I felt a huge burden lifted, but when I became close with this particular group of people, I felt a different, but just as heavy, burden of rules and expectations. Everything was about the externals and the heart was ignored. These people had a lot of pride in the fact that they "went to the right Christian school", wore "the right length skirts", listened to "the right Christian music", carried the "the right Bible"--but at lunch after church, they talked about everyone who didn't hold their same "standards", and they gossiped about and judged others. I learned from them that there were degrees of Christians--the ones who just came Sunday mornings out of tradition, but didn't have any standards or truly love God; and those who attended all services plus visitation, and played by the rules, were the true, sold out to God, Christians. Most people in my church are not like this. But, there are enough who are, and the fact that this attitude is prevalent in IFB churches are the reasons I'm slowly making my transition out of fundyland. I am thankful for my fundy church because I learned the importance of reading the Bible; but am ready to begin my transition out because I feel like the "little things" like focusing on the externals are aggravating me to the point that they are hindering my spiritual growth.

[pastor's wife]

@notreallyfundy, a while ago, Darrell did a week of posts on SFL about what he appreciated about fundamentalism. Definitely, there are valuable things to learn -- among them the importance of reading God's Word. Of course, often when you read the Bible, you start realizing that the emphasis on external, man-made standards and the attitude of pride and self-righteousness are totally UN-Biblical which often ends up moving one AWAY from the IFB!

[bean]

I was in what I would describe as a very conservative church for about 12 years. I probably was a fundamentalist more than most members. I think I started questioning about 2007 or 8 and it took about 3 or 4 years to leave. I probably mentally checked out 2 years ago but kept showing up to major things and regular worship.
I LIKED (And still like!) most of the members at my old church. I had the hardest time with the very conservative teachings, constant guilt during sermons, and feeling like I could never measure up. I grew weary of the marriage of right wing political views and church teachings. I have not regretted my decision to attend a much more liberal mainline protestant denomination.

[Jenni]

I started questioning things about two years before I actually left. I met a friend who was not IFB, and she was the first nonFundy person I'd interacted with in a very long time. She was the first one to make me question why I followed all of the rules, why I thought it was okay for the church to tell an adult how to dress and where to go and when to be at church and how to worship, etc. etc.

I questioned everything for about a year, then I was uber-dissatisfied and ready to leave for another year before I actually got out. I wanted to finish off my teaching contract and I wanted to have my car paid off so it would be easier to sell. (I was on Guam, so I couldn't just leave Fundyism; I had to leave the island)

[exOBCstudent]

I was introduced into Fundamentalism as a bus kid then later as a student in their Christian school. One of my parents had a Catholic background and the other really didn't have a religious background at all. My sibling and I began riding the church bus on Sundays and were eventually enrolled in the school by 3rd grade.

The more of the Fundy beliefs my parents picked up, the worse our home life became. My parents would violently argue disagreements and then when we messed up, that anger and frustration was taken out on us physically...often to terrible levels.

Since I mostly grew up in the IFB from 3rd grade onward, I didn't know anything different and everything else out in the world I was taught was "bad" or "wrong". I was totally sold out by the time I was a teen and was drinkning as much Koolaide as I could get. I was rude, confrontational, argumentative, and totally cold and uncaring when dealing with "lost" people.

I never even thought of having close friends who didn't believe like me. The preacher's son was my closest and only real friend at the time. My parents and pastor eventually over-rided my college choice (HAC) and wanted me to attend Oklahoma Baptist College with Jim Vineyard for a year before going anywhere else so I packed up and went after highschool. What a time I was in for!

Fundies are very skilled at making the "outside" appealling and masking the reality of everything they do...Fundy U operated this way as well. I sincerely questioned things I didn't understand and this eventually gave me LOTS of trouble down the road. Eventaully my parents began to see the negative effects of OBC on me long before I did and they wanted me out after a series of instances where the school tried to force me to make financial contributions I didn't have money for...eventually leading me to overdrawn checking and lots of fees.

The final straw in waking me up was how I was treated by those I thought cared for me at the Fundy U when I told them I wasn't returning the next school year because my parents disagreed with Vineyard's teachings. They immediately turned on me so fast that I didn't know what hit me! I was FORCIBLY removed by two of the men on staff and dragged out to my dorm room to pack. I wasn't allowed to speak with anyone and was escorted everywhere until I shipped out the next couple days.

That wakeup took me a year and a half to completely understand but eventually out in a place called Kosovo on a 13 month deployment with the Army I finally understood it all and made some life changing decisions. Even upon my return I still waited a couple more years to completely cut the rest of my ties to IFBdom.

The FFF which eventually led me to this site really helped me to put my finger on the things I knew were just wrong about the IFB and gave me good Scripture to back it up. You guys totally rock! I'm still going through the book "Overcoming the Power of Spiritual Abuse" and am learning and growing so much each day.

I guess my total timeline for me to leave was about 4 years... that was about 17 years too late.

[zeusTHEgoose]

I left sophomore year of college, but thoughts of leaving popped up way before then.

2005 the family found a small hole in the wall fundy church run by an ex-missionary to Mexico. My family fell in love with the small size, but I didn't like the fact I was the only high school youth there. But not wanting to upset the family dynamic, I went along. Eventually, I rose up the ranks and became the Children's Fundy School teacher and even preached a few sermons here and there.

When college time came around, my pastor encouraged me to go to one of those hole in the wall fundy colleges. I went to a more "liberal" christian school and that's when my suspicions of blatant fundy manipulation were confirmed. However, as a freshman I didn't feel like it was my place to leave or even approach the MOG with my concerns because, well, he was the MOG!

During one sermon, I heard the pastor say that if we as a congregation used any other version of the Bible besides the KJV, we were being tricked by Satan. That was the last straw for me, and I approached my pastor that night and engaged him in a non-aggressive argument about my concerns. Yeah that went over well.

So in 2009 I left the church. My pastor of course accused me of rebellion because of my "long" hair and lack of obedience to "God's" standards to wear a tie every Sunday, no matter that I was faithful to attend every Sunday and Wednesday. It kinda sucked because I really liked teaching my class, my only haven to teach kids to think for themselves and discover God outside of one person's POV, but oh well.

What am I gonna do with all these ties?