Dating for Recovering Fundies

[IFB No More]

Now I kinda remembered my love life in the past when I was younger.

My first love interest was when I was 12-13. She was an exotic, German-Romanian girl who was the head student leader. I followed her in a lot of projects she took on in a bid to impress her. She turned me down. We were both too young.

I had several crushes when I was in middle school and junior high as well. To summarize them, the girls that were interested in me I did not pursue - the girls that I were interested in, were either attached or rejected me in a heartbeat. My biggest regret was me throwing my tantrum at a girl that liked me (flirted with me many times and called me cute names) when she attended a debate I was in. In my anger (I was really temperamental at that time!) I angrily cursed at anyone who interrupted me, including that girl. This was one of the biggest regrets in my youth.

Then I suckered myself into the Fundyland-Baptist-Theocratic-Dictatorship in the last years of my high school. Mullah-Fundy (KJV-Only) told me I was too immature and "not a man" and that dating is unbiblical so I stopped dating throughout my remaining high school years and my 2-year stint in the military.

By the time I was liberated in college, the twin-evil combinations of a heavy academic workload (thank you Computer Science!), getting out of the fishbowl, and the fact I missed Orientation Week and the first few weeks of school due to a bad leg injury caused me to miss out on acquiring a social circle - which is a must in finding a girl I like.

So yes, I *did* have a love life when I was young. But due to a mixture of bad circumstances, poor self-responsibility in my part, and with Fundyland playing no small part in it - that was why I'm still single for so long. Now I understand why I come to America to study abroad for a year - to thoroughly break free from these shackles, and start life anew when I return back to my country.

Too young, too immature, and now (hopefully not) too late. *sighs*

[Elijah Craig]

Didn't know you were in the military... makes sense given where you're from. Here it's considered extremely bad form for any preacher to tell someone in the military they're "not a man."

I think you're a very bright person and he was just talking like that to break your confidence and get you into submission.

[Elijah Craig]

So, a question about this online dating thing. I finally created a profile. I had joined one to look for some dumb reason, and found 3-5 girls within 40 miles that I'd actually want to know better.

So far all I get are "Hi" or "Hello" or "What's up" in my inbox. Like 3-5 of them a day. I'm not remotely attracted to most of them. Others are 15 years younger. Others are just... I guess I don't understand what makes a 24 year old high school drop out who works retail introduce herself on a dating website to a guy whose profile says "MASTERS" in education and "COMPUTER SYSTEM ENGINEER" as title, especially when they're not that attractive. Not that I consider myself a prize catch, I just think that as far as socio-economic class goes we're way far apart and that's even before considering the age difference. I look at their profile and there is nothing that makes me think we have anything in common other than geography and ethnic background. What do they expect me to say?

What's the best approach to this? Should I just ignore them? Give an equally boring response? I would never ignore a person in real life, but there are people I don't know and whose names I don't know and whom I've never met. And like I said, there are 3-5 per day.

[Elijah Craig]

Then there's this. I asked my sister if she had any good pictures I could use on my profile. This is her response:

Quote:Looked at my pics. Nothing good. Sorry. You're either hairy and unkempt and/or a bit too "healthy" looking.

I am not sure why I still consider her part of the family.

[SomethingFundy]

I'd love to get told I am not a man, you bet your arse off I would flip the switch and go off.

[redbeardiam]

(04-07-2012 08:14 PM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  

(09-20-2011 09:27 PM)Elijah Craig Wrote:  Last Friday night I stepped into a bar and within 20 minutes two different women walked up to me and said "I want to F&#% you!"

I still don't know what they meant.

The is happened outside the bar in question:

Wow. I am just speechless. I can´t even muster an insult re: Clarksburg. Except to say that I now entirely understand why you don´t want to date the available women in your town.

[Elijah Craig]

The most absurd thing is that went on for six minutes less than a block away from both city hall and the county courthouse (two police stations) and you never saw a berry flashing the whole time.

[Elijah Craig]

These are my words about meeting girls in bars for all recovering Fundy dudes:

The first thing to realize is that girls like guys. Girls have sex drives. Pick girls who are in your league and move forward on the operating principle that you are both open to the same thing.

Nice guys do win. Don't be a pushover. Be a nice guy. Consider the interests and feelings of the girl. It's not about you getting what you want. It's about both of you getting what you want. Together.

Don't move on bar trash. Nice girls do go bars just as nice guys do. Talk to the girls who look like they don't live in the bar. The ones who are maybe a little too fixed up to be there. The ones who don't know everyone there. Walk up and talk to them.

Don't hit on every girl in the place. People want to feel like they're special. So turn your attention to one girl. She can leave. She can be approached by other guys. She might come back around and talk to you. That's how bars are.

Take it or leave it. Don't be obsessive. If she's not receptive, she's not receptive. There are other fish in the sea. Try again another night. Or give it enough time and talk to another girl.

Be yourself. Smart girls, good girls... they usually have decent bullshit detectors. Don't put up a front. Be who you are and if they see you are who you are, you gain a lot of points right there.

It's OK to let them know you have a sex drive. It's OK to let them know you would some day like to bone them. They already know it. If you try to hide it you're weird or your gay. Just don't be creepy or in their face about it. Probably not a good idea to use the word "bone."