Dating for Recovering Fundies

[HACker105]

I graduate in May and am a called preacher lol...

[Apathetic or whatever]

(08-10-2011 06:00 PM)IFB No More Wrote:  Hmm. I am now on exchange in the States for half a year. I know a long-distance r/s is difficult, but I'd like to do my best and find someone over here. Should I give it an attempt? Are there any successful attempts you have heard of and any advice?

I don't have any good advice, however I can link to some juvenile, bad advice:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16116_the...s-web.html

[senda wales]

Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

[HACker105]

I don't see any problem because I can't stand a cat and mouse game.

[Scorpio]

(09-19-2011 02:42 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

Not a problem As long as you're not asking a fundy guy out

[senda wales]

Both my non-fundy parents and fundyland/courtship emphasized that it's the girl's job to wait and be ready for when the right guy comes along. Girls are not to pursue. I have never been told that I should ask a guy out, or how.

[DaisyDeadhead]

(08-06-2011 12:39 PM)senda wales Wrote:  So, I have a problem people.

In addition to the normal jitters, nerves, and anxieties normal people experience on first dates or meeting people, I:

-am generally socially awkward (e.g., I write personal lists/algorithms for how to interact with people),

-am an uber nerd with a tendency to over-intellectualize and analyze everything ("Rise of the Planet of the Apes was great! It totally mirrors the story of Genesis from the Bible of the creation rising up against the creator with the onset of self-awareness and demonstrates our fear of technology!"),

-have a work-from-home job ("Wait, what's, 'Hello?' What are people?"),

-and have 10 years of don'tdatedon'tdatedon'tdate and purity theory drilled into my head from my fundy years ("He's flirting with me! Do I flirt back? Is that too forward? If I flirt, he might get the wrong idea. What wrong idea? This is a date! Or is it? Umm...adfdsafdfj")

I've noticed that I get really nervous on first dates, partly out of just sheer nerves, but partly out of a conscious/subconscious stiffening up when I hear that still, small fundy voice telling me all of this is wrong. Plus, in fundyland you literally get no experience in dating. I did have a non-fundy boyfriend for 3 years in college, but this actually took care of needing to learn how to behave on first dates.

I fear that I'm coming off as a not-very-fun-or-flirty person in first dates, which is kind of a kiss of death in dating. Which makes me even more nervous and less fun. Yes, I know, most people experience this to some extent or another. And I know, in general, be yourself, be genuine, and try not to stress or over-think it and just smile and have fun. (But don't be TOO much of yourself...) I'm pretty sure I'm missing something here. Help?

Senda, the problem is, you are going out with normal people! You need a GEEK! Try going to HeroesCon, Fanaticon, Dragon*Con, one of those. I don't know what is going on in your area, but those are the kinds of guys you need. I have been married to a geek for almost 24 years, and he *appreciates* my movie analysis.

And about asking men for dates:

Buy tickets for something and say they were for you and some girl, but she had to work. "I know you like ___ so I thought you'd be interested!" (pick something that he likes) The great thing about geeks is how they are interested in *lots* of things.

Oh wait, is this deception? Well, it always worked for me!

If you wait for a geek to ask YOU, you will be waiting forever. Take my word for it!

Geeks rule!

[senda wales]

Can I just quote George McFly here?

Quote:Marty: "She told me to tell you that she wants you to ask her to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance."
George: "Really?"
Marty: "Oh, yeah. All you gotta do is go over there and ask her."
George: "What, right here, right now in the cafeteria? What if she said no? I don't know if I could take that kind of a rejection."

[Persnickety Polecat]

(09-19-2011 02:42 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

I asked my husband out the first time ... 12 or so years ago.

I'll add my 2 cents to the dating thing. If you're really uncomfortable interacting with men, dating, etc., have you tried just having male friends? Sometimes not having the pressure of a "date" will help you relax a little more. Go out on "friend dates" with men you're just friends with (just make sure everyone knows it's a friends-only thing so no one gets hurt), and build up to actual dates with men you're actually interested in.

[senda wales]

(09-19-2011 04:55 PM)Persnickety Polecat Wrote:  

(09-19-2011 02:42 PM)senda wales Wrote:  Ok, new question people: is it okay or practical for girls to ask guys out? I know the answer is generally "why not?" but it's a little difficult for me to wrap my head around this being okay.

I asked my husband out the first time ... 12 or so years ago.

I'll add my 2 cents to the dating thing. If you're really uncomfortable interacting with men, dating, etc., have you tried just having male friends? Sometimes not having the pressure of a "date" will help you relax a little more. Go out on "friend dates" with men you're just friends with (just make sure everyone knows it's a friends-only thing so no one gets hurt), and build up to actual dates with men you're actually interested in.

Yeah, yeah, I have guy friends that I feel very comfortable "asking out" and it's not a big deal at all. I just feel like the stakes are higher when actual interest is involved. Also, my reputation.