letting herself go

[LearningFreedom]

(05-27-2011 07:54 AM)Darrell Wrote:  Also, every time I see this thread title I think of this song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODHCwsJkElo

hahaha.... love it, Darrell!!!! That's what more of us "gidly, biblical, submisif wimmen" need to do is let ourselves go in this fashion!!!!

I am happily remarried to a non-IBFer (yes I'm remarried to a wonderful TRUE Christian man who wants to follow the BIBLE not some lunatics rantings from the pulpit). However, I speak from experience as I was once married to an IFB preacher/missionary-church-planter. He left me! Unfortunately he "left God" too.... but maybe that was because the knowledge and experience he had of "god" (IFB style) was not genuine to begin with. I pray he can truly find the one true God on his own, apart from all the IFB nonsense. (I too have grown up in it, and it is VERY HARD to change, to leave it, and still retain a sense of being a real genuine Christian without following all the IFB standards of Christianity and "Godliness".)

You know how many of us (wives) sacrifice our own talents, wishes, desires, abilities, and brains to "submit" in "Biblical manner" to our husbands and/or the "man-of-god"? I am by no-means perfect or an excellent wife, but the constant put-downs, criticisms, condemnations, overly-high expectations, guilting, faulty teaching, misinterpretations (or mis-representations) of Bible passages are not deserved by even the worst of wives. On the flip side, the majority of IFB women are FAR FROM being the worst of wives. They are generally very sacrificial and faithful and way overworked and underappreciated (and continuously hounded from the pulpit or church office to "keep doing more").

These chauvinistic, ungodly, proud, haughty, unBiblical men should be so thankful to have such women as wives. And trust me, these men are NOT Biblical for doesn't the good ol KJV say "Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it."????

As a side note, I really am not a bitter woman. I am truly attempting with GOD's strength and leading to be a genuine Biblical wife to my husband. I am also no longer in the IFB movement, and am not being continuously brow-beaten and coerced "biblically" into a twisted version of wifely submission. I truly love my husband, AS he is and for who he is, and I vountarily and willingly desire to learn all I can, to be the best wife I can be to him. In turn, I am deeply loved and blessed with an amazing relationship in which we reciprocally love and respect each other. I am treated like a queen.... and all with out yelling--uh, er--"preaching" and brow-beating from the pulpit. I must confess that I do so often second guess all my actions, attitudes, dress, church attendance, etc. Guess I'm still working out the legalism of my lifelong IFB membership.

[captain_solo]

(05-27-2011 10:47 AM)elfdream Wrote:  I think some of this is the flip side of women trying to change a man after marriage. It can't be done. There are men out there who want the girl they marry to never change. They want her to stay 25 and a size seven forever and not to change her hairstyle or to grow emotionally. Guess what? She is going to change. She will get older, maybe gain weight or change her views on certain issues. A man can learn to dea with it or rage against the machine.

Supposedly, men marry hoping their wife will never change, and women marry hoping their husband will change - or so I've been told.

[boymom]

I find it interesting that on one hand a fundy woman is told not to let herself go, otherwise its her fault if her husband cheats, yet they are constantly taught that to adorn themselves is vanity. And then they are forced to wear those godawful clothes. What man was ever turned on by a culotte?

[pastor's wife]

(05-27-2011 01:55 PM)boymom Wrote:  I find it interesting that on one hand a fundy woman is told not to let herself go, otherwise its her fault if her husband cheats, yet they are constantly taught that to adorn themselves is vanity. And then they are forced to wear those godawful clothes. What man was ever turned on by a culotte?

I think stuff like this happens a lot in fundy land. You're expected to live up to two totally different expectations: in this case, looking hot for your husband but also looking completely unsexy. Wha????? The expectations of what one's husband would prefer (and I don't mean slutty; just attractive) and what is approved in many IFB churches are totally opposite. And women are trapped in the middle, damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Another expectation is for children to always obey their authority. But what if an adult makes sexual advances to a child? Suddenly that child is expected to take a strong stand and say, "No!!!" But how is a child supposed to do that when ANY disagreement from the child was met with firm disapproval if not punishment?

Actually I think I might start a new thread on this topic.

[Innocent Lamb]

This topic makes me SUPER angry right now, because my fundy husband left me because he was having several affairs (one with a 20 year old CHILD in our church!) His fundy mother has blamed me for everything under the sun for "driving him to another woman." It's infuriating, and I told her in no uncertain terms to never speak to me again.

The fact remains, it was HIS choice! HE is completely out of control with his sexual urges. There was not a thing in the world I did to drive him away, nor was there a thing I could have done to make him stay. It's HIS problem.

I'm no beauty queen, but I'm still young, in pretty good shape, I wear tasteful makeup and fix my hair every day, I wear attractive (tasteful- not revealing) clothes, and I honestly think my fundy ex-MIL was jealous of that in some ways, because she looked so dowdy. She always gave me that "look" - you know the one! The "I don't approve of you right now" look. It was maddening how she somehow looked down on me for caring about my appearance (I'm not high-maintenance, just professional) but at the same time, implied that I didn't hold my husband's interest well enough. Someone else mentioned that above, and it's an impossible predicament. If you "try too hard," you're shallow and probably have loose morals and don't love God enough. If you "let yourself go," it's your fault if he leaves you.

I'm SO GLAD I don't have to live under that family's twisted, sick tyranny anymore!

[pastor's wife]

That is beyond ridiculous, Innocent Lamb; it's evil. You're right about the impossible predicament you were in. Your fundy in-laws are failing at what Christ Himself said: they are not loving their neighbor (you) as themselves. Instead them blame you and excuse their son. It's so, so wrong.

[Elijah Craig]

1 Corinthians 7:32-36

Quote:I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Based on this passage alone, I believe it's safe to say that Challies is all wet on this one. He's trying to build some systematic theological case and spiritualize something that the Bible explicitly says is a worldly concern and possible distraction from building the kingdom of God.

[Ricardo]

Darrell, your link to "Let herself go" was worth reading though this whole thread. Thanks.

[captain_solo]

(05-27-2011 01:55 PM)boymom Wrote:  I find it interesting that on one hand a fundy woman is told not to let herself go, otherwise its her fault if her husband cheats, yet they are constantly taught that to adorn themselves is vanity. And then they are forced to wear those godawful clothes. What man was ever turned on by a culotte?

FTW! This post is the boss of the thread