Transgender at 5 yo

[RobMille]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/tran...ml?hpid=z1

I think I'm pretty ok with people who are transgender, but this just seems like it's wrong. 5yo is far to young to know anything about how you are going to turn out as an adult. Wish the kid all the best.

[amyrose5]

This troubles me a little, as well, Rob. The article does say that there is a lot of evidence (anecdotal--but still true) that it is a phase for some kids. And also notes that 80% who exhibit this identify with their biological gender after puberty. So my concern is that in our attempts to understand and be open and tolerant, adults should not rush to pigeonhole these kids into either gender identity at a young age. Young children tend to want to please the expectations of the adults in their lives and could easily become trapped in embracing one or the other because of that.

I actually would have to agree with the expert who said he suggests that parents embrace a kind of gender neutrality with young children making these assertions. That approach would leave it open for them to embrace who they really are when they are old enough to really understand. I think there also needs to be some serious study looking for possible causes/reasons for this.

[RobMille]

Yeah, from my reading, I get that a kid that constantly insist for multiple years that young that they are the other gender would scare parents. It sure seems to me like you should go through puberty before you have sexual identity questions finalized or whatever the correct term there is.

[Persnickety Polecat]

I think I'd take a very hands-off approach here rather than pressure the child either way. And I really like the idea of gender neutral parenting for all children, if it comes down to it. Gina Crosley Corcoran practices it, and it's a pretty cool idea, imo.

[Naomi]

I don't think this is too early. Normal human development includes a gender identity by age 3. Kids should know their gender by then, and be able to tell their parents (depending on their family situation). I hope I wouldn't question my kid's declaration just because it wasn't what I expected from their apparent biological sex. As long as they're loved, supported, and respected the whole way, I don't think listening to and believing what they tell you about their gender is going to mess them up, even if they get older and tell you something different. Even if my kids went through a phase where they're possibly just trying out a different gender identity, that's OK, too! It's a great learning experience for them to see me model respect for others' gender identity, and to learn about what makes up gender and sex and gender presentation, and how stereotypes can be wrong, and all that. Basically, I see no downsides to listening to and respecting kids.

I like the idea of giving my kids a wide range of gender neutral and gendered toys and supporting whatever they choose to play with, and going with whatever they show an interest in. Because really, no matter what their gender is, it's all OK for them to enjoy.

[FindingMyWay]

I think five is kind of young, but that could be affected by the fact that my (almost) five-year-old can barely decide what he wants for breakfast, much less something of this importance.

[Naomi]

(05-20-2012 05:09 PM)FindingMyWay Wrote:  I think five is kind of young, but that could be affected by the fact that my (almost) five-year-old can barely decide what he wants for breakfast, much less something of this importance.

This is very interesting to me. Does your 5-year-old know he's a boy, and do you trust him when he tells you that? Why?

Developmentally, children really should have a sense of their gender by age three. That's not quite the same as being sure about their favorite toy, or color, or outfit, which will probably change a lot, not to mention being sure about what they want to do next. I think our gender is a deeper part of our identity than that.

[FindingMyWay]

Sure, he knows he's a boy. But he also associates being a boy with having a p*enis (trying to avoid weird ads at the top! ). So does his knowledge that he's a boy come from being told he's a boy and from understanding there are physical differences between being a boy and a girl, or from an innate understanding that his masculinity is part of who he is? It's hard to analyze young children that deeply, but I believe it's the former.

It's obvious that my son knows he's a boy, but if I were to ask him why he was, he would likely reply that he has a p*enis. If you were to ask him why I (his mom) was not a boy, he would tell you because I *don't* have a p*enis. To him it's that simple.

I could be entirely wrong.

[lucrezaborgia]

I'm OK with hormone blockers because they are reversible, but not hormone therapy because that should be a decision for an adult to make for themselves.

[Naomi]

(05-20-2012 05:52 PM)FindingMyWay Wrote:  It's obvious that my son knows he's a boy, but if I were to ask him why he was, he would likely reply that he has a p*enis. If you were to ask him why I (his mom) was not a boy, he would tell you because I *don't* have a p*enis. To him it's that simple.

I wasn't clear about my question! Sorry. I was assuming you would say yes to both questions: your son knows he's a boy and you believe him. And then I wondered why you would believe him? I think young kids probably aren't able to give any sort of sophisticated explanations of their gender identity; it's just something they know. When it's the same as what they know about their sex, there's no need to separate the two. I think what I was wondering about is: are we more likely to believe our kids' gender identity when it is the same as what we expect from their sex (based on external genitals)?